Something For The Weekend?

Kav and his constructive criticism pointed out that in my 'Russians love their children too' post I had left out the all important Russian female, so having already catered to the females with pictures of Putin and Brezhnev here is a tribute to the fine Soviet woman. For more Russki weemen who are gagging for man with a credit card and low IQ go to Richard's blog, that cunt has weemen throwing themselves at him.


The Intellectual.
Forget your Playstation 3's this is what all the Russian young people are into, a quick 4 hour session of chess and then off to the local club for a bit of moshing to some Tchaikovsky.

In Uniform.
A woman of all seasons, she can gut yer enemy quickly and silently, make you some Beefstroganoff, ply you with strong vodka then pin you down and force you to have sex with her, I think I'm in love.


The athlete.
The Russian athlete, a fine figure of feminine beauty, can compete as a woman or a man and can probably have sex as either too.

Weemen of Russia, we here at Old Bitter Balls salute you all.

Michael Stone You Tosser.

Looks like hes about to cry, don't worry you can go back to being prison gay again.

The stupidity of terrorists amazes me, this person Michael Stone who has already served over 10 years for killing 3 men while they attended IRA funerals in 1988 rushed into the Stormount government building with a handgun, knife and a suspect device, he was disarmed and the attempt was described as fairly amateurish, HA HA, 6 to 8 other explosive devices were found around the building, all defused.
I met Stone when he was released from prison in 2000, thanks to a concession for peace Blair made that released all political prisoners (terrorists) when I say I met Stone, I actually met his girlfriend, he sat in the car as he was afraid for his life and got his girlfriend to do any talking .

See what an amateur you are? even the old guy thats disarming you has time to smile for the camera.

Was it not just a day ago that I said those terrorist prisoners should have been hung and not released? why does no one listen to me? anyway Mr Stone, you are a total fuckwit and give those who are Bitter Balls a bad name, you eejit.

Into the Gallery of Wankers for you, at least this time unlike in 1988 you don't have a Mullet.

Even Russians Love Their Children Too.

"Have your parents ever complained about my leadership?" "you're hurting my hand mister".

Russia is a big cold winter wonderland of a place, the people are now free from the evil grasp of Communism and can now stand in lines, smoke strong cigarettes and drink vodka.
A people of humour they use too many letters in their words, and speak backwards and tell jokes like this.

What do you call one Russian? --A drunk. What do you call two Russians? --A fight. What do you call three Russians? --The junior sub-committee of the 3rd Party Secretariat of the 8th District ...

Recently there was a poisoning and eventually the killing(not before the world found out ) of a former FSB agent (the successor to the KGB) in a sushi bar in Piccadilly, you know I've had sushi, I threw it back at them and said,"this fish is raw, are you trying to poison me?" well this ex agent Alexander Litvinenko is blaming President Putin because Litvinenko wrote a tell all book, not a very good review .
It has also been suggested that Putin is connected with the murder of journalist Anna Politkovskaya.

The Russians are shite at assassination killings, even worse than the Protestant paramilitaries of Northern Ireland and they suck the sweat of a dead dog's bollocks (which means they are quite bad)
Do ya remember that time when the mystic Grigori Rasputin was killed? c'mon you must, it was in all the papers, well having had too much influence on the wife of the Tsar and thus Tsar Nicholas II himself, Grand Duke Dmitri Pavlovich and the cross dressing Prince Felix Yussupov did the old lets poison Rasputin trick, but with the Russians being the worse keelers in the world that didn't work, so they shot him several times, Rasputin cried out "ouch! that last one hurt a bit" they got serious and started beating him, Rasputin getting bored showed them how to punch like a man so they would stop all that girly rabbit punching they were doing, in the end Rasputin had to help them beat himself up, he landed himself a nice wee upper cut and fell into a nearby river and drowned.


Have you accepted L Ron Hubbard as your personal savior? Rasputin the mad monk, well so would you be if you were shot beat up and drown.

The name Rasputin comes from Yusupov dialect which was the area where Rasputin was from, it means 'dog wanker' which was the trade of the Rasputin family as jizz from the Borzoi, or Russian Wolfhound was sold to the Chinese as an aphrodisiac.
The Current President Vladimir Putin dropped the Ras from his name as to not get the negative connotations from the old mystic, so Putin is just a wanker.

Viktor Yushchenko of the Ukraine is an ugly fucker due to yet another botched poison attempt , the whole world knows about it so they should might as well have stuck to using ice picks, you don't see Trotsky walking around with an orange scarf.

Pretending there are no hard feelings though Yushchenko is going for the passive agressive upper hand by grabbing Putin's arm, but whats with the plastic suit?


Never mind John Lennon , Joseph Stalin or Ringo fucking Starr my favourite Russian leader was Leonid Brezhnev, he was a Ukrainian steel worker that ruled Russian from 1964 - 1982, he was the definitive Russki
leader. Copied in so many movies because he looks the part, no big Village People biker moustache and no mess on his head that looked like purple bird shit.

Best Russian leader ever! he could also be mistaken for an older woman too. He may have ruled until 1982 but he actually died in 1981, lookalikes strings and pulleys kept the myth going, a bit like Pope John Paul II who was pure animatronics towards the end.

In 1989 Mikhail Gorbachev had Glasnost which means openness, he broke the Soviet Union, much like what bush is doing with America, then Boris Yeltsin or B.O. the Yeti as I used to call him (smelly fucker never washed) had his heart bypass, drinking a lot and money laundering, then resigning opening the door for his VP to take over, young Vladimir Wanker.

Putin likes to think hes a hard man, a small wee shite that walks about with a swagger, former head of the KGB and expert in Judo, which is a ghey form of Karate meets grab ass. What stupid fucking country puts the head of a secret police torturing spy service at it's head? a country that has no choice that's what, er hold on a minute was Bush Sr not the head of the American KGB? you may know them as CIA.

Don't fuck with me or I will come out of the 70's , pin you down with my judo and touch you up.

Putin is tough when it comes to collateral damage, ask the Russian submariners or anyone that's been in a hostage situation .After the Beslan school hostage crisis of 2004 he was asked why he didn't talk to the Chechen Separatists, he replied with " would you invite Osama Bin Laden to the Whitehouse to talk?" I'd say yes Mr Putin as that would be the only chance of finding the twat, the chicken shit has not answered my challenges of a duel .

Putin talks the talk :"Russia doesn't negotiate with terrorists, Russia destroys them".


Someday all this will be ours.

Nice dress, so hows the oppressing going?


I leave you with more fine examples or the Russian wit.

What do you call one Jew? --A financial center. What do you call two Jews? --The World Chess Championship. What do you call three Jews? --Native Russian Folk Instrument Ensemble.

As sponsored By mel Gibsonski.

What do you call one Ukrainian? --A partisan. What do you call two Ukrainians? --A partisan cell. What do you call three Ukrainians? --A partisan cell with a traitor in their midst.


"And you're sure this doesn't make me look silly Georgie? " "well I don't look silly now do I?"

Going To The Chapel And We're Gonna Get Married.

The happy couple.

The 24th November 2006 is the all important deadline for Northern Ireland to see if the Protestant Democratic Unionist party (DUP) can play nicely with the Catholic Nationalists (Sinn Fein) and visa versa.
Tony Blair is getting into the negotiations to see who would become the first and deputy ministers of the new joint government.I had my doubts and fears about Blair and his ways when he closed the Maze prison releasing all of those that should have all been hanged in my opinion, (a waste of good air the lot of them) and disbanded the Royal Ulster Constabulary (police to you foreigners) and formed the limp as the Guarda, PSNI nothing to do with the Playstations its the Police service of Northern Ireland.
I now think that Blair better than anyone is the man to bring peace to Northern Ireland and I will be sorry to see him go.

Ian Paisley though being Gods representative here on Earth is an old dinosaur that is so inflexible he only agreed to something different once and that was because he misunderstood the question, he shouldn't be in charge of anything, as a Presbyterian myself I see him and his Free Presbyterians as fanatical trouble making zealots and if I'm saying that you know its bad.

Gerry Adams and his Igor Martin McGuinness are scum of the first order, if they are talking they are lying, if they are silent they are waiting for the IRA to do something for them to deny, is this all Northern Ireland has? I say break both parties and put me incharge.

Paisley's fellow Free Presbyterians are not happy with any kind of connection with the terrorist loving nationalists (their own Protestant terrorists are ok) Paisley being a man of wise words when asked about his disgruntled people said" I have nothing to say to you".


Ulster Unionist leader Sir Reg Empey and Mr Burns look alike said "I think whatever is going to happen it is going to be very limited. It is still very unclear", then after being goaded by the press rubbed his hands and said "excellent"

The Pilgrim Fathers (its a man's world baby)

A very typical American Thanksgiving dinner, see how she presents the offering to the master of the house, as with the feast of 1621 the best food is given to the most important people.

While in Britain the time after Halloween means the run up to Christmas, already Santas in Shopping centres are proclaiming "whore whore whore" or maybe it was ho, either way the big man's fondness for slappers has been noted. However in America the embrace of a fat European man who likes to empty his bag with the help of your very own children is hampered by something called Thanksgiving day, copied from the little known celebration in Britain called the Harvest festival this was a time to give thanks to Mother Nature for the crop yield or later on to God who now takes the credit for everything.

Americans just after Halloween start to drool from the corners of their mouths thinking about all the foul, er I mean the lovely food they will consume in large quantities. Traditionally the weemen slave over a hot stove for hours catering for family and friends while the men entertain the other males in the parlour with cigars and Cognac. The meal is eaten and leftovers are to be served for up to a week after to symbolise the first feast in 1621 that lasted for 3 days. After the food while the weemen are banished again to the kitchen for the ritual packing away and cleaning up of the dishes the men with a beer in one hand and the other hand down their trousers scratch themselves, fart, belch and yell at the TV while watching a Ghey form of Rugby in which the players wear so much padding so they don't get hurt, American Football as we call it, the Americans incorrectly refer to it as Football though feet are mostly only used for running with, a strange people the Yanks.

In 1621 the pilgrims who would of died out (no great loss) except for the help of the local Wampanoag Indians had a 3 day feast and invited about 90 of the Injuns to join in, and taking advantage of the natives generosity and naivety within 70 years the Indians had gone from a population of 12,000 to 400, Columbus would have been proud, he also saw politeness and hospitality as weakness to be exploited.

A sad Indian, go on invite a savage round for Turkey, just hide the fire water.

Abraham Lincoln in 1863 declared the Thanksgiving feast to be held on the last Thursday in November.
Franklin D Roosevelt who knew better changed it to the 4th Thursday.
In 1970 the Native American organisation declared Thanksgiving to be a National day of mourning, those Sad Sacks, cheer up Johnny red fellow its nearly Christmas, joy to the world and all that.

I don't know that much about American football except its ghey but should the Cowboys not play the Redskins every year for tradition's sake? or is there a team called the Pilgrims? well have a good dinner .


The Pilgrims' Menu

Foods That May Have Been on the Menu

Seafood: Cod, Eel, Clams, Lobster
Wild Fowl: Wild Turkey, Goose, Duck, Crane, Swan, Partridge,Eagles,
Meat: Venison, SealGrain: Wheat Flour, Indian Corn
Vegetables: Pumpkin, Peas, Beans, Onions, Lettuce, Radishes, Carrots
Fruit: Plums, GrapesNuts: Walnuts, Chestnuts, Acorns
Herbs and Seasonings: Olive Oil, Liverwort, Leeks, Dried Currants, Parsnips

What Was Not on the MenuSurprisingly, the following foods, all considered staples of the modern Thanksgiving meal, didn't appear on the pilgrims's first feast table:

Ham: There is no evidence that the colonists had butchered a pig by this time, though they had brought pigs with them from England.
Sweet Potatoes/Potatoes: These were not common.
Corn on the Cob: Corn was kept dried out at this time of year.
Cranberry Sauce: The colonists had cranberries but no sugar at this time.
Pumpkin Pie: It's not a recipe that exists at this point, though the pilgrims had recipes for stewed pumpkin.
Chicken/Eggs: We know that the colonists brought hens with them from England, but it's unknown how many they had left at this point or whether the hens were still laying.
Milk: No cows had been aboard the Mayflower, though it's possible that the colonists used goat milk to make cheese.

Source: Kathleen Curtin, Food Historian at Plimoth Plantation.

A Prelude To Thanksgiving

To get non Yanks into the spirit of Thanksgiving as well, even though it is based on a British celebration. We all have stuff to be thankful for, such as my words of wisdom, me not knowing your home address and spell check, I am sooo thunkfill for spellcheck, now if only the spellcheck didn't drink so much.

Stay tuned for Old Knudsen's great Thanksgiving post. When I say great I mean not as good as the ones I read here and here but it does the job.

Not A Shite Film.

Are you trying to give up the Devil's Dandruff or has your dealer cut you off? or are you just a Billy no mates? well go and rent out an old film (if you can find it)


The Hasty Heart, 1949, staring Ronald Reagan as Yank, Richard Todd as Cpl Lachlan 'Lachie' MacLachlin.

A nice film, no explosions or car chases, I highly recommend it to anyone, well not Sammy as there is no CGI. I can't stand Reagan's bad acting but hes ok in this, one of the few films that brings a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat.

Read about here if you wish.