Irish Stew In The Name Of The Law.

"Won't you have some cake, Father? It's got cocaine in it. Oh no, hang on, it's not cocaine, is it. What do I mean now? - the little things... Raisins! "

This is a tribute of sorts to the Irish. Now I've slagged them off without mercy in the past and though it was much deserved, due to their booming economy I may end up some day being sold to one of the muck savages.

I know that a lot of my people in ancient times came from Ireland when the dirty foreigners invaded, I try to forget that fact and go for the popular version that God created Adam and Eve the first Protestants that then moved to Scotland for the fine food, lovely weather and the Income Support from the English.

Being a Scottish Bitter Balls with my fair share of Ulster Blood flowing in my veins I eyed the Irish with suspicion, then again who didn't I eye with suspicion ? have you seen that fellow Jagd Kunst that comments here ? shifty, very shifty.
Then I did the unimaginable, I met some. Different from the Ulster - Scots in attitude and not wound up tight ready to work or fight at the drop of a hat but more laid back . They'll do the work but in their own fucking time, this can be seen by some to be lazy but its more like showing respect or not.
As a young soldier I had some Irish lads in my regiment, no doubt there to get the free training from the British so they could join the IRA (Irish Republican Army, cowardly murdering terrorists to you) at a later date.
You've seen the movies were the corporals with their peaked caps pulled doon so they look doon their noses at everyone get in the soldier's face as he stands to attention and shouts a tirade of abuse at the young soldier putting the fear of God into him and everyone else.
Well there is always one that cannot keep a straight face, maybe he or someone near by let off a fart, always worth a laugh and risking death for. One Irish lad started to smirk, the Corporal zoomed in on him screaming abuse and ordering him to do 50 pushups, the Irish lad with still a relaxed demeanor and a calm voice said, " its a sad day when a soldier can't smile", though stupid as pig shit his cheerful defiance earned him my respect, he ended up with more than 50 pushups that day.

I have never gotten to know Irish weemen that well, still time for this old dog I hope, what I've found those I've met to be is quick witted, funny and strong, the backbone of the family type.

Getting back to the men I've noticed that many of them are similar to Jimmy Rabbitte the character from the film The Commitments , not the personality but the looks and body language, he has become my definitive Irish lad.

Jimmy Rabbitte (Robert Arkins) seen here with Eva Lungeria while making the Irish version of Desperate Housewives called, Horny Fishwives.

In The Commitments Jimmy Rabbitte said that the Irish were the blacks of Europe, was this a self fulfilling prophecy? now with the current talk of apologies for the Irish famine and for slavery from the British government anyone with a glass of Guinness and a vague Irish connection (98% of America) is beating their chests and talking about 400 years of oppression from the white man. I don't hear any apologies for Daniel O'Donnell, Terry Wogan or Graham fucking Norton, who should have retired after Father Ted.

Not counting the Irish Nationalists that support the IRA and all the shite that it entails the Irish are a friendly easy going people that for the most don't give a shit. Now they have the Slav immigrants to do all the work for them so they can now live in their caravans and fondle Leprechauns as they do. I've watched Glenroe so I know what the Irish are like.

I love you Biddy.

Now for the first time people are immigrating to Ireland to live, what a strange world we live in, at least the Welsh are still below us Scots in the pecking order of Europe, can't see that changing.

This is my view taken from my experiences, if you have another opinion, you're obviously insane so fuck off.

Old Knudsen Reacts to World News.

Good on ya Tony BLair keep the nukes, the bloody yanks are just gagging to invade us it was them that declared war on us in 1812. trouble makers I tell ye.

Well done Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez for a re-election landslide, 6 more years YAY! you are a most post worthy individual.

US Ambassador to the UN John Bolton resigns.You fucking cry baby quitter, back to the singing for you.

British Police go to Moscow to investigate the poisoning of the former spy. Smells like a movie with Clive Owen and Johnny Depp, well I didn't say it would be a good movie.

A German artist has won the Turner prize for art and its total shite.

General Mishap.

I have received several complain e-mails since declaring Kim Jong Il Dictator of the year.
These have come from a Major Crime and a Corporal Punishment of the Chilean military. They have been quite insistent that I name General Augusto Pinochet as the Old Bitter Balls 'Dictator of the year' or DOTY.
I asked around the staff here at the office, all are in favour of telling them to fuck off except for Nimbarrie the tea pixie, so just for her I've given him space on this blog and maybe Nimbarrie will continue to make fine cups or Rosy Lee and peace will return to this place.

I don't care if you've just had a heart attack, it won't make me change my mind so quit it with the e-mails, I can imagine you clutching yer arm, stop it General Pennisshit this minute, better luck next year if you're still around, get busy on being zany.

Swing Em High.

A follow up to one of my earlier posts on the attack of the parliament buildings in Northern Ireland at Stormount . The Protestant militant Michael Stone seen here above while serving a prison sentence in the now closed Maze prison.
Stone joined a loyalist thug group called 'The Tartans' at the age of 13, much like gangs of poor neighbourhoods there is pressure for young people to join and no is usually not an option, he was arrested for weapon possession aged 16 so a good start in life.

Stone later served more than a decade for the murder of 3 catholics at an IRA funneral when he was released as part of the Good friday Peace agreement he took up painting , wrote a book and earned good money, what happened? not enough attention?

He now faces 5 counts of attempted murder and possession of weapons for terrorist purposes. He offered no plea and will be held without bail until December 22nd. He could go back to his previous jail sentence of 638 years.
The one thing I want to point out is the name of his Magistrate, Bernadette Kelly, you couldn't get a much more catholic name than that, how fucking cool is this? that's like a nazi getting a Jewish judge.
Oh I'm sure Judge Kelly will be totally impartial when handing out his massive sentence, its not like he didn't walk about with a bomb ready to die for Allah now is it ? oops sorry wrong terrorist, that's all I have to say, I will bask in the irony and hope he rots in prison this time.


"I've had songs and poems written about me, and I've met plenty of kids who think I'm some kind of hero. I'm like Rambo to them. But I always say that there's nothing romantic about taking a life. People bleed, and there's no Hollywood director to say 'cut.' You get to hear their dying words, see the final seconds of their life. I was trained to block out the human aspect"

Said by Michael Stone in an interview the last time he made the news, does this dopey fucker never learn? do any of them? rhetorical questions , hate blinds, these people are valid reasons to bring back hanging.

Kim Jong Il, Dictator Of The Year.

Its December again, yes that time of year when we at Old Bitter Balls choose between all the competitors for the title of Dictator of the year. It was a close one with Saddam and Bush being ever so zany, Saddam disrupted his own court case and had a hunger strike (lasted 45 minutes) and Bush took the Jap president to Graceland and let him make a fool of himself for the press.
Kim Jong Il with his weapons of mass disappointment won the crown.

Wading through the rumours and lies that are told about Kim Jong Il I have discovered the truth behind the man and I think I may love him.

The father of Kim, the Great Leader Kim Il Sung ruled North Korea as a Stalinist dictatorship for nearly 50 years, he even invaded South Korea once but after 4 years gave it up as a bad job.

Kim Jong Il or Dear Leader was born in a log cabin in 1942 on a sacred mountain with a star, wise men the heap.

When he was in college it is said he wrote 1,500 books, people called him prolific and wished he would slow down, see? am I that bad ? one maybe five posts a day, is that too much to keep up with? and that's with me surfing for porn and polishing my shotgun, I've had to take on 18 other blogs to slow myself doon on the Old Bitter balls.

Kim loves movies, has his own erotic dance troupe and has drunken orgies in which he has imported blonde Swedes (female I think) he injects himself with the blood of virgins to stay young, like who doesn't ? this guy seems just so normal, I'm wondering if I should write a post about him at all.
Hes 5 foot 3 inches tall and wears elevator shoes and big hair to make himself look taller, Hitler and Tom Cruise *have* the same problems and they are both just as normal (both about 4 inches taller than poor Lil Kim)

Just like Stalin, Hitler and Tom Cruise , Kim got rid of any naysayers and replaced them with toadies. If the Dear Leader wore beige they would wear beige, if he got the Rachel hair do so would they.


Not wanting to see a man down, Kim gave employment to Donald as his chief ass kisser, so no change for Don really.

Kim Jong loves the propaganda, he'd love to direct movies and went to the trouble of kidnapping a South Korean Director and his actress wife. He kept them in separate prisons, they not knowing anything about the other for 5 years then being the good soul that he is reunited them said "sorry, my bad" and asked them to make movies for him, they said no so he cut their heads off with a rusty hacksaw.
No actually they said yes and he set them up with a big hoose matching Mercs and naked dancers. For 2 years they made films for him and then while touring in Hungry they repaid his kindness by running away to the American Embassy, those fuckers, after everything he had done for them, got them out of prison, gave them a home and jobs, no gratitude.

They couldn't deny his charm though, he may have drank too much, cheated on his wife, humiliated his underlings but he was also smart, funny and hard-working and would make a great Hollywood producer.

One day, he came for a visit and asked the actress, "What do you think of my physique?"
She hesitated, not knowing how to answer such a question when it comes from a short, fat dictator known to execute his enemies.
"Small as a midget's turd, aren't I?" he said.

Something about Kim Jong Il that many don't know is that he has an IQ of 150. He's phobic about germs. He surfs the 'Net, so expect to see him pop up in the comments.

When North Korea's economy collapsed in the 90's and a million people starved to death The Dear Leader showed he was man of compassion to their plight and responded to the famine by executing his agriculture secretary, now that's comedy.

With all of bush's caber rattling and flag waving support for The Dear Leader in South Korea has risen, and after this post when everyone reads what a nice normal guy he is support in the Blogosphere will rise too.

Like Dr Evil, Kim Jong Il also has his Mini-me, and yes he does get more tail than George Clooney, whats up with that?

I give you Kim Jong Il dictator of the year 2006 for his ability to be so amusing and produce so much crap to make fun off in my blog, an impotent little shite with the droopy Taepo Dong that he cannot keep up, well done you freaky looking alkie with a pie retention problem, this has so been your year, your prize is a fine bottle of cognac and an i-pod, woops, sorry lad Fed-ex say they can't deliver due to sanctions, better luck next time cuntybaws.

The Dear Leader enjoying some Cognac from a glass thats nearly as big as his head, showing Bush that he is man enough to drink in public instead of being a secret drinker. Kim then scares the world by doing some crazy eyes and lauching a bottle rocket at Japan, Ha Ha, made you flinch.


Don't worry folks, as long as we have Austin Powers we are safe, no really this is him hes been sick.


* Ibelieve that Hitler is still alive and blogging as one of the people in my links.*

Welsh Culture At It's Best.

What do you call a sheep tied to a post?


A Welsh Leisure centre.


Update

Someone from Madrid, Spain did a search for poems about sheep in Wales. Their own Spanish sheep shaggers mustn't be very inspiring, oh the irony.

Ideal Gifts for Her.

Not know what to get that special lady for Christmas ? have a lot to spend but you'd rather spend it on yourself ? then try The Dirty Sanchez , the moustache that says "I love you" .