One Of The World's First Pedophiles .

Being a fine upstanding Presbyterian means automatic entrance into the Kingdom of Heaven with a good view of all the heathens burning away, nothing personal I didn't right the rules, so I can say anything about religion that I want to.

Moses was a bit of a control freak, do you remember how he climbed up Mount Sinai with those chisels stuck up his skirt to receive the word of God in stone tablets? pretty hard to swallow .
When he came back doon with his masonry work and found his fellow tribe members behaving like a 18 - 30 crowd at Ibiza. He went mental and broke the tablets that took him so long to make, can anyone say anger issues?

The symbolism for his big thick rod , solid wooden staff or snake even is quite obvious, all about the penis, it wasn't a hooded cobra, it was a circumcised trouser snake. Parting the Red sea is a reference to blood after something is parted with a wave of his wand. The plagues were probably all the STDs the fella had. Not only did he talk like an Egyptian but he walked the walk too.

Don't forget who he led out into the desert, the children of Israel, not the parents, you sick fucker , ladies and gentlemen I rest my case which is as plausible as the actual story.

Do Not Feed The Aussie.

A typical Australian couple having a pash before lockup"I'll miss ya Sheila", "I'll miss ya Bruce". .

I love Australians as much as the next guy, though I am glad they are on their own big island thing in the middle of the sea, they can be too crude and rough sometimes for my tender sensibilities . Now they are putting themselves in cages for reality show purposes, ah it has cum full circle, we put them into cages and shipped them out there and not a word of thanks . Now they are doing it to themselves, maybe they feel more at home behind bars, it feels natural or something like propping up bars, its all bar related, see the connection?

Adelaide zoo who has had the biggest and most successful human/ape breeding program in all of Australia has found itself with a shortage of primates as they have all moved away and gotten jobs in politics.

Not one for ethnic slurs as that just shows ignorance, but this monkey gurl looks like shes from Greek extraction, the face that could launch a thousand shrimps onto barbies, luckily Australian men are born with beer goggles on. No offense to any monkey convicts reading this, if it wasn't for yous we wouldn't have Neighbours or Home and away ............................................. bastards.

For over a month, humans will be locked in an unused Orang-utan cage ,with the searing heat , snacking on bananas and Foster's lager. They will be monitored by a psychologist who hopes to use the findings to improve conditions for real apes in captivity or to get more visitors, whatever works .

Audiences can vote for their favorite "ape" via mobile phone text messages, in the style of reality television shows, and at the end of the month, a "super human" will be selected to represent the zoo, this super human will then be allowed the honour of spending the rest of their life in a cage having little children yelling at them all day and ending up on the Interweb when one of their cage mates takes them from behind in a comical way.

A Zoo visitor.
"They're completely mad, but seriously look at them, they almost show intelligence. They look like us sometimes, its spooky".

"They're completely mad", said that one visitor to the exhibit, the humans, who are allowed home at night, played up to the crowds and checked each other for imaginary lice, knowing the Aussies there were some not so imaginary lice too.

This person doesn't know mad, rocking away in a corner like a real zoo orang-utan and then knocking their heads against the wall, that's mad, they don't get to go home, have a shag and cum in the next day with a hangover.

"It's not as exciting as the animals actually, they're not really doing very much," another onlooker said.
Yeah cos the real animals do so much, you twat!, why are these morons not in the cages, everytime I've been to a zoo the animals hide and rightly so, if you can see the animal then their enclosure is inadequate.

Participants wear microphones in front of Web cams to allow watchers to hear the action in what has been billed as "Big Brother behind bars". Dr. Carla Litchfield, who is conducting the experiment, has laid down firm rules for the new apes: no nudity, no rude behavior and no jumping into the enclosure spa.

What? they aren't naked? Big brother behind bars does sound like a good reality show but not the way they do it, put the contestants into prison and vote on who will be gang raped in the showers.

What is this trying to achieve ? does it not liven things up when yappy kids and old grannies get hit by flying feces? well it does when I do it in the local Spar.

I'm not for zoos, I would rather not live than live in a cage and as these creatures are wild I figure they must feel the same, a tired old elephant that's lost it's dignity years ago is not entertainment, you can say about breeding and extinction all you like, if it was my species I'd rather die out.

The original Planet of the Apes film put the humans to shame by showing how the apes, aped them in relation to captivity and general lack of respect for other animals.
Then you have those people would cry at lassie but not give a second thought to a real news story about a baby found in a bin.

Put them all into cages just like the CIA do and see if they like that reality. Am I the only one that roots for the Great white shark when some mong puts themselves into a cage and into the sea to witness the majesty of these magnificent beasts? watch jaws, that's as close as I want to get.

One Hour Later You Want Another, Before You Know It Glangblang.

Fancy a chinky? for all you single and dating weemen out there maybe you should try China. (as long as you don't mind penis size according to recent news stories) because of the 1 child per family rule the Chins have, males will out number the females by 30 million by the year 2020.
I won't get into the whole abort the female babies issue which is similar to India as its their choice, and we don't do hard hitting news stories here, its not Fox you know, it does show you how much weemen are valued in those cultures. So ladies, if you don't mind the smell of sweet 'n' sour and yer husband looking like everyone else theres a slow boat of love about to depart.

I will Miss This.

Tony trying out the nubby 5000, 'almost like GW's cock' was the reported comment.

I admit I was wrong about Tony Blair when he first took power. I saw him as a no balls liberal type but then he proved me wrong, not afraid to sent troops in to keep the peace in places like Kosovo , Sierra Leone and getting further with peace than anyone in Northern Ireland .
I did gain an amount of respect for him definitely better than the Tories, though the colour red will always be suspect to me.
He only has a few months left until he leaves so hes making his legacy speeches.
"Britain to retreat in the face of terrorism would be a catastrophe", yes mate, I'm with you there,don't bleed in front of the natives, " it took a generation to grow the terrorists and will take a generation to beat", well said mate, it took over 30 years in Northern Ireland but the impossible has almost happened (until the IRA decide to blow up some weemen and children to stir things up, also Michael Stone, you loser on so many levels)
"Britain will be a nation of war fighters and peace keepers" that's right mate, in life you have to be a giver and a taker.
I will miss you Mr Blair, too much balls and not enough sense about in the world today.

Salute To Weemen In Uniform # 2

Old Knudsen likes to salute those in uniform and this salute goes to the weemen of Iraq who now because of the war of terror have the opportunity of joining the police that was denied to them before.
This is Iraqi Police Lt Narseed one of the first female police officers in the Kurdish city of Irbil in Northern Iraq. From an early age she had always wanted to become a police officer but never thought it possible with Saddam in power so she graduated college and set about on becoming a lawyer.
When Saddam was removed she was then able to join the police, Irbil being the first city to allow weemen to hold positions of power.
Her police chief Lt Col Aswar said he is very happy to have her on the force and she is better at interrogation than most of her male counterparts, especially when it comes to interrogating weemen.
He went on to say how saddam used to try to brainwash the weemen in the country into believing not only that they weren't as good as men but couldn't do the same things as men.
The Kurds thinking that Saddam was a cunt never really believed what he said, so good for them.
Aswar understands for his country to improve the standard views on weemen had to change.

I like the Kurds, they have gone through so much and now with Saddam gone they have turned their provinces into a stable and for the most part safe place to live, they have taken matters into their own hands and have turned their world around and deserve to be made independent from Iraq as many of them want.

No half naked weemen in uniform, I just like her stance and warm smile, she seems so gurly but you just know she has a baton behind her back and once she lures you in close enough with her feminine ways she'll whack ya , she has the last word on this up beat for a change post.

Narseed said the girls of Iraq need to see more strong women come to the forefront. They need to know that they are only limited by their imagination.

"We are professional; we deserve to be recognized for what we can contribute and not for our gender," .

"Support those of us who want to walk a different path. We are all Iraqis - Sunni, Shiite, Kurd- male and female. We need to come together instead of pulling apart."

5 Years Of Fun In The Sun.

Take advantage of an all expenses paid holiday at beautiful Guantanamo Bay.
magnificent mountains , waterfalls and soft secluded beaches are some of the pleasures nearby.
Relax and unwind while room service brings you your meals as cooked by the world famous chief Albert Le Cochon author of the books 365 easy pork meals and my bacon is cooked.
Talk to our friendly staff as they apply the latest beauty treatments to yer nipples and turn the dial to 11.

Enjoy our petting zoo as seen on Fox news.

Delight in the 72 *virgins* that are escorted past the wire during prayers by our ever so friendly virgin handlers.


Tour in comfort and style with our chauffeur driven um carts?

Experience the thrill as you are put on a plane bound for Syria and torture but really land in Belize and for those that aren't so talkative a full British Breakfast, extra rashers. Syria doesn't seem so scary now does it?


Once you've had Guantanamo hospitality you won't be able to leave.



*Clinton cigar ruling 1998. oral, anal and any type of penetration does not count as sex as long as at least one foot is touching the floor. *

Fame I'm Gonna Live Forever.

Old Knudsen said to the Foot Eater, " go fist yerself ya sheep diddling tagnut, what do you stuff bodies with anyway, sage and onion?"

To the person from Texas who searched for, "is it legal for Teachers to keep my balls".

Please tell this to an adult these sexual predators must be stopped . hahahahaha

I checked my shite meter today and saw I had a lot of visitors, maybe another post of mine hit a nerve like the Johnny Adair one, so exciting people want to read me, well deserved fame at last.
I knew I was better than all those other cunts.

About 30 people from India searched for "Gandhi pole dance" .

Ok Indians lay off the peace pipe smoking for a bit, ingrates .


Update

Thanks to the comments in this post I now hold the #1 and #2 search positions for Gandhi pole dance.
I don't know about being a pole dancer but I do know he was a randy old bugger that used his pole quite a bit. Thats another 11 or so more searches so far.