Just What Am I Trying To Say ?

I like doors, the way they open and let you walk through them. I do not like opening them to see who is on the other side as I do not like surprises in fact I hate surprises fucking bastard surprises invented by lemurs probably.

I don't like buying a sofa and getting it home only to find the doorway is 5mm too short, that's not the door's fault, nor is it the doors fault when you have to strip the fucking door frame off to get the sofa in and yer doing it on yer own cos fat Billy who said he'd be over didn't bother his arse, I hate people who do not follow through with what they say, it shows lack of moral fiber and low character like what young people have.

Old Knudsen has the strength of a bear and I don't mean a fucking Panda and did it himself.

Remember if you are going to get a door reinforced and bullet proofed get the wall around the door bullet proofed and reinforced ya silly cunt or they'll just shoot through the fucking wall as you hide behind yer door.

I don't like front doors with windows in them, they can see you coming doon the hall, you can't sneak up and look through the spy hole (I love those things) Remember when train had doors that you had to open the window reach over and open the door from the outside? I was always worried I'd miss my stop, now they have those Star Trek doors with the big square buttons I hate trains.

I used to have to take one to my crab fishing job and sometimes I'd have a duffel bag full of live crabs to boil up at home. Depending on the time I was getting home at there might be school kids on the train, those wee fuckers would be complaining about the smell but didn't know where it was coming from.

There is always time to shove yer finger up someones bunghole.

I don't like sleeping with an open door, that's just an invitation for some sex starved woman who has seen me wiggling my booty around Tescos to come in and molest me, waking up with my dick in some hot woman's mouth may sound like a wet dream cum true but us oldies need our sleep, I usually just Dutch oven the nympho, if ya can stay horny after that then yer not human.

Speaking of not human Bogeymen also love an open door.

Yes I know this is Amy Winehoose but close enough, I left a comment on a story on my AOL news page about how Britney's granny shot herself in 1961 and how Britney lost her virginity aged 14 but pretended to be a virgin when her career took off (like anyone believed that) my comment said who cares? and called her a junkie white trash hoorbag, AOL deleted my commented and put a written warning on my record, I don't know why as she is all of these things and its not liable.

As one door closes another door opens, no wonder I feel a draft, keep a bit of bambo over yer front door for good luck.

Knocking on wood for good luck is invoking the tree spirits.

Saying " Bless You" when somebody sneezes. came from when the great plague swept Europe, sufferers began sneezing violently which was a sign of death. The Pope therefore passed a law requiring people to bless the sneezer and covering yer mouth keeps yer soul from leaving. The Pope and his law can fuck off, I bet he has shares in AOL.

The dried body of a frog worn in a silk bag around the neck prevents epilepsy .

If a dead person's eyes are left open, they will find someone to take with them.

A girl standing under a mistletoe cannot refuse to be kissed by anyone who claims the privilege and a naked woman on board a ship calms the seas.

I wonder how many superstitions are written by men.