The Crazy Ghey Phone Stalker

"Who are you wearing?"

I watch the red carpet shite at the Oscars even though I'm straight if anyone asks and it bugs me when the question is always "who are you wearing?" I want some big star who is confident in themselves to turn up wearing something off the rack in fact I saw suits being sold in Wal-Mart the other day, wouldn't it be great it Clooney with his smug I can charm any woman I want by just a wobble of his head grin to say "Wal-Mart!" I'm sure the Chinese make great suits.

I had phone sex the other night so my answering machine is a bit violated and wonky but if you tap out yer message in Morse code I should be able to get it. By the way phone sex and even cyber sex is shite as the stuff they make these days can't take a good pounding but hey I cum.

Oh and if you read this blog yer computer may get a virus as I've had a weeping sore on me bell end (not Dell end) for about a week now.

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Boring With A Side Of Dull

I am a movie hoor, I love the Hollywood stars and good films. I usually predict the Oscar winners with a fair amount of success I mean who didn't know that last year Martin Scorsese could have filmed Leo Di Caprio having a dump and still would have got the best director cos it was his turn and a standing joke that he loses. Clint got it the year before and Clooney well was the rookie so they threw him the best supporting actor in Syriana, that over hyped turd on a stick, sure he was good but c'mon its all politics not based on the performances.

Julie Christie the ex hottie will make mental illness the new fake nose, in fact if she wore a fake nose and played an Alzheimers sufferer there would be no doubt.

The films this year are dull second rate crappy jobbies full of has beens and B and D listers. Clooney looks to be the only star about the place.

None of the films are ones in which I sit up and say, "I really want to watch that" its like they are trying too hard to go against the usual shitty formula films and can only see an Ocsar as the be all and end all.

I'm not even going to watch it, "who are you wearing?" asks the melting puffer fish Joan Rivers, "yer ma" is my answer then she rudely ignores me to talk to emaciated Knightly, " do you have a eating disorder?" for fucks sake is the pope a Fenian?

Remember when I won my Oscar for 'Best Actor' in 'Site Meter'

A burnt out blogger on the edge who had enough with the blogosphere and finds he is being stalked by a bad blogger. Remember the line, " Moderation is for monks" when I took my comments off moderation and no longer gave a fuck? The crying scenes were the hardest, I thought about my father dying, the cunt isn't dead yet which is what upset me so much and then that fucking fake nose kept falling off.

In protest for the Oscars being so blah I have beheaded Edward Norton, don't worry his career was over years ago.

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