Chicks Dig The Car

Wow the new Batman film, I didn't go and see it. I did just read about it on two other blogs so that will do me. Ok so Heath Ledger died and the ghouls want to see the movie I went through all this with The Crow and that TV series with the male model who was really a spy, I can't be arsed remembering the title so impress me and tell me .

Ledger seemed like a nice bloke and was a decent actor but I can live without Batman, sorry mate you'll be remembered as the ghey cowboy who fucked with Batman. I'll remember you as the Aussie that shagged some very hot weemen in real life , well done lad.

Well at least the Joker isn't dancing to Prince tunes and how could he have killed Batman's parents? sounds half-arsed to me, lets just change everything why don't we.

Batman is a useless fucker, like James Bond with a bat fetish. No powers to speak of the only difference is that he is rich and has gadgets . I wonder what Donald Trump, Bill Gates or Richard Branson would look like in super hero costumes in fact Batman isn't even a 'super' hero.

I dislike the franchises that dish out and rehash the hero, oh whats the blonde Bond going to be like? away and fuck its like a soap opera in which a main character goes off to pursue a music career and so they replace them with someone else its just an excuse for nerds to argue about the best one .

Christain Bale may be a fine peice of man meat but its all shot in the dark so CGI can be added big time so who cares what he looks like it isn't even him.

In the old days you could tell when a stunt man is on screen now you can just assume its a computer graphic .

Hellboy 2 seems interesting to me but I'll wait for DVD as spending a fortune to sit with germy strangers who won't shut up isn't appealing to me and I'll see Batman like the other one when it comes on the telly.

As for dark knight its spelled 'night' for fucks sake get it right you idiots.



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Old Knudsen Considers The Penis

Keep it in the cage Hulky lad. I'm not a fan of bodybuilders or construction workers in general. Anyone that stands in front of a full length mirror to see their muscles ripple needs to get a life or a real gurlfriend.
Old Knudsen does have a fine set of guns on him but that's from years of digging ditches and working doon pit and I may like to watch my sexual technique in a mirror but that's different.

Men body builders want to look strong because they are afraid about their small willys and hate weemen anyway, weemen body builders just want to stop being weak females and want to be strong men, can't blame them now go put the kettle on for me love, 2 sugars ya sexy thing.

When I heard they wanted to remake the crappy Hulk film I sent in my screen play.

It was about Dr Bruce Banner who got painful 4 hour erections and rather than going to another doctor cos doctors are shite and he didn't have medical coverage (social message there) he zapped himself with Gamma radiation as you do and became a green body builder with a tiny knob.

The only problem being is that he was angry and being a body builder his reasoning power was sponsored by steroids.

Hulk angry but doesn't know why, must smash and look at my pecs while I do it.

He just wants to tie up white weemen so he can feel powerful.

See this lass doesn't work out and her knob is massive, its good to see such confidence.

Why are super heroes all muscular? when do they find the time to pump iron and is it a job requirement? I think a 100 LBS skinny dying fucker should be able to have super strength and be bullet proof.

Maybe lifting cars and throwing them at villains is a workout so you end up with muscles.

I always wondered how people in the comics don't suss out that so and so are super heroes as they have square jaws, thick hair and big muscles or the weemen are just a little too hot.

I wonder if Spiderman is hung like a spider and that's why he won't get it on with MJ, no not the blogger MJ shes into oiled up midgets anyway.

Instead of Batman and Robin it should be Batman and pitcher or giverman and takerboy, see the way Catwoman was baddie? weemen hating I tell you all due to bad sexual experiences with small cocks, trust me on that as I have a friend who was belittled by a woman when he whipped out his tiny curly wurly , no honestly it was a friend.

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Super DVD

I was thinking about having superpowers as I was looking at the young weemen on the bus dressed in their tight revealing leopard skin print clothing with a ton of makeup on shivering in the brisk Killamory evening on their way out to some club to dance around their handbags.

The usual invisibility came to mind as I could feel them up un-noticed or watch them as later on they have a drunken shag bent over a wheelie bin in some romantic alley. Everyone thinks about invisibility how boring.

I then thought of a really good one. The power to fire wet concrete from my hands, like the ice-man but with concrete. I could make it set super fast and get paid millions paving 3rd world countries like Ireland or Africa.

If some one shot a gun at me my super thick concrete wall would save me and then fall doon on them. I could sneakily put speed bumps on the roads where the little boy racers in their Honda civics tear doon or fire out bolts of concrete at Mosques and Synagogues breaking their windows and just stand there looking all innocent .

I would be the master of concrete, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! of course I should have a cool name. I thought about Constructo but that reminds me of the worker in the Village People. So then I though Man-Crete or Con-Man, maybe even Man-Cretion, here is a couple of open questions for you to abuse, what would you call me? and what would yer power be?

I got home with my DVD that I rented out, "Fisting Firemen Four" I had heard good reviews about it and a lot of Oscar buzz.

I opened the box and found they had given me the wrong one, those dopey fuckers. I wasn't going all the way doon the road to change it so I put it into my recently *found* DVD player.

It was some space film I had never heard of called, "Space heroes" The hero of the film had a chip on his shoulder when he failed at something resulting in the deaths of millions. He was talking to an alien mate of his who had just made a mistake, he said, "I know how you feel fucking up and all" I'm paraphrasing here. The Alien said "No I welcome what you Earthlings call 'fucking up' because then I get the chance to learn from my mistakes," then he said some words of wisdom that really made me think." Those who never try never fail" this theme makes a comeback near the end of the film when the hero hears those words like Obi-wan Kenobi in Star Wars to Luke and it motivates him. I can't remember too much about the end as I was too pished.

I did learn something valuable, "Those who never try never fail" so to not put yerself in the position of being a loser or failure you should never try. Getting the wrong DVD must have been a message straight from god.

*If the police ask thats my story*

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I Need A Hero

Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction.

The Protestant Orange Order of Northern Ireland hopes to win a new generation of fans with their own superhero.

The Orange Order may dates the 17th century battle for supremacy between Protestantism and Catholicism (the prods won BTW) but now they have high hopes for this 21st century makeover.

No more King William 3rd of Orange, the small skinny bloke with the curly wig they now have a muscular cape wearing superhero type who can beat the evil T.A.I.G. (Terrorist Arsehole and Irish Gheylords) empire run by Darth Fenian and his legions of Stormstickys.

Orangeman David Hume says the idea is to make themselves more relevant to the young and "appear less stuffy and more homo erotic ".

They are to send out the superprod on Christmas cards but still need a name for him, Orangeman is too obvious.

Born on the 11th night of July beside a bonfire and a bottle of "beat the wife" with the mystical red hand birthmark on his neck he was taught the ways of the Prod by his mother Mrs Fishwife who wheeled him in his stroller to Fishwife road blocks where they shouted "No Pope here" and called anyone who wanted to get on with their lives "Fenian fuckers" while blocking the roads with their babies.

The superhero has the power to be pigheaded and close minded, his battle cry is "No Surrender" and can go into a steroid induced rage at any moment knee-capping all around him including his fellow Prods, he also has sex-ray vision and thinks hes god's gift to weemen because hes tough.

He does have his weaknesses, he flinches if you say, "power sharing, peace process and decommissioning of weapons."
Here are my suggestions:

Captain Taig hater
Paisleyman
Pumped iron to make up for his small penisman
Captain Shit-stirrer
No-man
Looks Ghyer than Johnny Adairman
The Knee-capper

Catholic master baiter-man

Bitterballs (I may have to copyright)

I can't wait to see his young side kick "Ulster fry" who has the power to throw half-bricks.