Invitation To Give Me Yer Money

Sex addiction is a demon Old Knudsen has battled for most of his life, in fact it probably directly led to the failure of 8 marriages and 34 relationships.
Some people just don't understand that you have an illness and therefore should be let off with any consequences, intolerant fuckers I say.

I also have a Fenian, Jew and Black fella phobia but people just denounce me as a racist, bigoted anti-Semite whats that about?

The reason I started this blog was to promote understanding of my conditions not just for me but for the others out there afflicted with these heart breaking maladies.

Being a licensed The rapist oh sorry that's a Freudian slip there I meant Therapist I started up a sex addiction rehab clinic in Killamory.

I invite you to cum and join, even if you aren't a sex addict having intercourse with the members may help you learn about this condition and give you something to think long and hard over .

If you have trouble sleeping and find yer tossing in bed all night and wake up all drained it may be because you have a load you want to get off, please cum and have one on one intercourse with me and I'll help you release yer burden.

If you can't cum you can have intercourse over the phone with me and in no time you'll be gagging for a group session with the other members.

My staff of highly experienced people have seen it all and are willing to bend over backwards and take out teeth to help you get what you need.

I am a big advocate of the 'too much' method. Cum in for a ridiculously high priced session and you'll be bombarded, blasted and rammed with more sex than you ever wanted so the last thing you'll want to do is have sex.

My Hollywood pals George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Gary Coleman, Gerard Butler, Jessicas Biel, Abla and Simpson, Megan Fox, Kate Beckinsale, Bosworth and Bush are willing to donate their time for yer final treatment.

If you can refuse sex with them then you are cured.

I may be a hater who loves too much but I am here for you. If you have said the words, "they meant nothing to me" or have lust in yer heart you need to raid yer life savings and join my clinic.

Cum now while the place is still clean-ish.


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The Bane Of The Work Place

Oh look a customer who needs help, now they all play chicken to see who will break first and go to help them.

Ever wonder why the cunts at work who skive off for tea and smoke breaks every 10 minutes or come into work late every day never get fired? It really bends my shite cos I've got that Protestant work ethic thing going on as opposed to the Catholic work ethic who think buggering young boys is a good days work or that Jewish work ethic who think that leveling a Palestine raghead toon because some wanker sent a bottle rocket into Israel is a job well done.
Here are some reasons why Johnny Smoke-Break never gets sacked.


1. The employee has a relationship with someone higher up.
Ha Ha the boss is my dad I could have you fired, or they are giving the president head to get a head. I knew this cunt who got in with the manager through the ghey sport of golf.

2. The boss relies on the employee.
When the boss relies on Sammy 12 Shites a day they overlook things that go wrong and blame it on other things beyond the employee's control.

Those bastards who blog from work then complain that I get them fired because of the dirty sick perverted pictures I post, its called work not blog, you know who you are.

3. The employee brings more value to the company than he or she costs.
The slacker may only appear slack but is a brilliant worker. They get their job done and waste yer time but hey their work is done and its perfect.

4. The boss thinks it could be worse.
When I worked at Frederick and sons of Inveraray. A distributor and retailer of paint and paint products. We had this guy called Jim who would steal everything and give his mates free orders, after he was fired we got this guy who was nicknamed 'The Moron' for fucks sake what a dopey shite and he was ginger, no redeeming qualities at all.

5. The boss is afraid of the employee.
You always have an office bitch that even the bosses pussy foot around. There was an office manager named Mona, fitting name cos all she did was yap and moan. She came in late everyday, left early and when the showroom was robbed she had 3 months paid leave to get over the trauma and didn't have to work the showroom (which she hated) again, no one else got leave. Not just the mouthy types but you also have to watch out for the ones that will sue you. A crap worker maybe but they know all the ins and outs of unfair dismissal.

6. The boss feels sorry for the employee.
Maybe the employee has family trouble, money problems or is supporting someone with bad health.

Manager about to fire an employee:
" I need to talk to you about the order that went to Aberdeen and yer job performance in general."

Employee: " I know I've not been too great over the last 2 years but with my parents dying, my wife getting a brain tumour the dog getting run over in front of the kids who are in therapy which costs a fortune and the mold found in my house that is haunted by poltergeists and having just getting over my pain medication addiction I'm just so grateful that you've been so understanding, you've been great and I hope I can make you proud of me with the faith you have put in me."

Manager about to cry: "well do yer best and try to pay a bit more attention I know its tough for you and um good luck now get back to work or is it time for yer doctors prescribed power nap?"

7. The boss doesn't want to go through the hiring process.
Reviewing applications, conducting interviews, checking references, and training new people. Just shout at the middle management more, life is such a chore when there is golf to be played. I had a boss who would rather have bad customer service and poor quality product than a high labour cost, they aren't in business anymore.

Typical orifice party or maybe its just knocking off time, nice bored expressions.

8. The employee knows something.
Blackmail from Christmas parties or as I do I'd hide stuff or information so when someone didn't know what to do or where something was I would appear indispensable when I solve the problem.

9. The employee has everybody fooled.
Sociopaths are everywhere or at least fit the Sociopathic profile. These employees are pathological liars who get away with doing little or no work. They charm senior management with their "leadership potential," con co-workers into covering for them, and successfully blame others for their mistakes. If you're the only one who sees what they're up to, you're in a tough spot. Sometimes it's the whistle-blower who gets fired, not the snake.
I can read people pretty well so I'm always finding these scum bags and it is difficult to out them, the trick is to shine a light on their activities and show others so therefore they are disarmed and can't fool anyone. I did it with my spammers and loyalties split doon the middle but its hardly my fault people want to see others in a nice light and refuse to believe they are lying cunts. Like husbands they balance their lies with a front of normality, they may abuse the wife in private and treat her like shit but the outside world only sees the nice person ready to help anyone. Most people on-line I don't even bother to read or profile as it gets boring playing the 'I'm fooling you game.'


10. He or she is not really a bad employee.

So what if a co-worker sometimes works from home, takes long lunches, or does something else you don't think is fair as long as their work gets done.

If you're not the supervisor, you're not personally affected, and the employee is not hurting anyone such as customers or co-workers, gurn up and stop stressing over what he or she does and focus instead on your own work.

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Mayday Mayday fat Gurl in Dis Dress Going Doon

Fucking Wiccans, a 100 overweight weemen all calling themselves Raven.

Can ya smell that ? its my old Pagan soul stirring. I may have been converted into Christianity by John the Baptist which isn't an accurate name as he wasn't a Baptist he was a Presbyterian just like Jesus.
I still get the urge to fuck goats and eat babies as Pagans do but I control it and leave the babies alone.

No one is ever allowed to leave the SPF, I've said too much.

It used to be held on 15 th May but now it starts on the 30th April with great bonfires that would mark a time of purification and transition, heralding in the season in the hope of a good harvest later in the year.

Religion back then wasn't about buggering young boys and keeping weemen folk doon that may have been an incentive to convert but religion then was life and death and living off the Earth 'Mother Earth' the great Goddess and respecting her as she gave us life.

We'd feast and jump 3 times through the fires to bring prosperity and purify ourselves in the smoke of our charred bodies ah good times.

Dancing around the Maypole on May day or the first of May was to celebrate the great God's penis penetrating the Earth and impregnating the great Goddess so she'd give us a bumper crop and none of this food shortage shite which is where we are all going wrong.

Being a fine Christian man I still honour the old ways but in a church approved way. I'd go to the Killamory strip club and watch a pole dance, the ugly ones are put on during the day but its religion so that's ok, I refuse a lap dance as that's Satan's dance and besides I'm saving meself for a visit to Old Tom's goat farm where I feed the goats then afterwards I'll chain smoke 3 cigarettes while I relax in the hay with Betty my goat friend.
I start to get hungry and I think, 'I could murder a Chinese' but murder is wrong so I beat up a Slav instead and feast on KFC.

Now for the recipe for Russian Tea Balls:

1 cup butter unsalted, softened
2 1/4 cups flour, all-purpose
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups powdered sugar sifted
3/4 cup walnuts chopped
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/2 teaspoon of jizz

Who the fuck cares?

Typical Wiccan, " why can't people accept us? love and light, merry meet ,blessed be and may the force be with you."

I hope you all have a happy Beltane and I hope you Wiccans will fuck off and stop giving Pagans a bad name.

Have a fruitful harvest or do it up the bum no babies, whatever just keep sending me the pictures.

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Iron Man Knudsen

I like them der superhero jobbies. The X-men were a favourite and did ok in the cinema, I don't like Superman, Spiderman or Batman ::::yawns:::: and the Hulk is shite but I do like what they have done with this new Iron-man film. Robert Downey Jr was a shock playing the lead but I think he'll be good and the effects don't look too computer game.

Now I have a confession to make, I am the original Iron-man. You see it had to cum from a true story otherwise they'd call him something like Stainless Steel man.

It was 1963 I had just come back from some grassy knoll business in Texas and was looking in the pharmacy section of 'Boots' for some pills to cure my anemia cos as you regular readers know I became a vampire at one point in my life, for those people who only look at my blog for tits go find that post it has some great tit pictures, no really I wouldn't waste yer time by tricking you to look at a humourous well written post......................... unworthy cunts!

Then something happened that would change my life forever, or at least for a few weeks. I reached for a bottle of iron tablets but jostled the display and 100 iron tablet bottles fell on me. I lay there in a state of semi consciousness as the 14 pints of stout I drank earlier had started to effect me. The manager came round and chucked me out of the store.

When I got home I started to notice somethings, my shit had turned black and I could get the BBC world service in my left ear, well what do you do in a situation like that? I'll tell ya what you build yerself a suit of powered armour with a cyberpathic link to control it. I made sure I put a torch (flashlight) in the chest so when I was flying about commercial aeroplanes could see me.

I was super strong and could defrost food with beams from my hands I'd call my microwaves . I found other talented outcasts like myself, Captain Killamory who had the power to deflect rocks with a dustbin lid, The Wasp, being a White Anglo Saxon Protestant she had the power to sting people with her superiority and make them feel small by talking doon to them, then there was Hawkeye, he was the last of the Mohicans and an ex army doctor who served in Korea.

We called ourselves 'The Revengers.'

Purse snatchers kids playing ball against the hooses and double parkers felt our justice but then tragedy struck.

We came up against a gang of super villains who had the power to use machine guns, my armour held and protected me against the bullets unlike my brave companions, that was the time I decided to quit The Revengers . With my chest torch shattered and no longer able to shine the light of justice and black tar like shit emitting out of my bum vent I took off into the sky just in time to smack into an aeroplane.

I climbed up onto the wing and some guy looked out and started screaming, I fell off before anyone else could see me so no one believed him.

I plummeted doon to earth but luckily Killamory had the largest mattress factory in the North because it was right because the concrete block factory that I landed on.

I went next door and applied for a job making mattresses and I was hired on the spot and that adventure has to wait for another day.

Did I ever mention the time when I fell into a vat of preparation H or when a radioactive midget bit me?

Lucky it wasn't Copper tone or skin bronzer that fell on me cos that would be a really crap superhero.

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Mute Monday

The theme for this week is intoxication, as a wise man once said: "Moderation is for monks and yer my best fucking mate and I love ya, no really seriously I love ya :::::::blach::::: sorry mate was that yer shoes?"






You go to bed with Halle Berry and wake up with Haile Selassie .

Don't eat the mints.

Better out than in.

You really are so beautiful fancy a shag before I go on a secret space mission that I may not come back from?

Stop the room spinning I'm trying to sleep.

Who hasn't been here after a few dozen drinks?

So fucking hot!

Ginger Gerry scourge of the streets of Belfast R.I.P.

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Sunday Soapy Tit Wank

I don't like being lied to by the media so that's why I don't believe anything I hear. I mean oil went up in price because a US cargo ship with a security onboard fired some warning shots at some boats that were getting too close in the Persian Gulf.
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Why did the price go up? nothing happened was it to make up for the cost of the bullets? sounds just like an excuse to me 'Media Manipulation' that's what goes on. A hint a rumour and the next thing you know 1929 wall street crash.

Now instead of having straight posture and a square chin actors can have all this fixed in post production. Cuntpop singer Faith Hill looks like a normal but still attractive middle aged woman on the left with facial lines, a slight roll of fat and thicker arms.
Then on the right she is 30 with Liz Taylor lighting and adjusted bits.
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Burt Lancaster wasn't photoshopped, he just whipped it out in all his intact unmutilated by ignorant parent or rabbi glory.

What a shock to see yer hero on the street and to find out they are actually just a boring human with bad breath and a slow leak from their arse. I like the picture on the left better it has life to it.


Poor Renee Zellweger she has some kind of skin problem, you'd think having millions you could get that fixed, no offense Renee but don't go out without make-up on and stop working out so much.
This time its ok to lie because its for the greater good of my wank bank I thought she looked her best in Jerry McGuire, a great film and one of the few I can stand to watch after Tom's crazy episode on the sofa and ever since.


A before and after of Mel Gibson, you think he just wakes up looking as hot as he does on the right? no work goes into it. For his antisemitic information the Jews don't start all the wars. The uppity negros started the American civil war.

Do you believe those before and after pictures when the person walks towards the camera fat and ends up thin? I believe it as much as I believe the special effects in American Werewolf in London, yet another great film.

I took Bulimiax after throwing up every meal and look at me now!

Then there are those adverts that have the old way of doing things in black and white with the people getting angry and frustrated or hurting themselves and the new easy way in colour with the people smiling.

Tired of doing tiring exhausting exercise? well now you can use the new 'nipple zap' just attached the electrodes to yer nipples and electric shocks tense yer body exercising those muscles while you watch TV, read the newspaper or lie in bed, no more exertion just relaxing electrocution.

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If you believe the media then Saddam had WMD, Al Qaeda are a small shite sect who are losing the war, you can look younger, thinner and have a bigger penis by just taking pills, the world is heating up and we are doomed even though 30 years ago it was about to go into an ice-age and we were doomed.

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Just be a fatalist why bother composting and recycling? the 50 cunts across the road don't we are going to implode no matter what because everyone is lying and that is the truth.

As my old grand pappy used to say: "curry flavours the bald" makes you think huh?

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My Typical Saturday

Saturday named after Saturn the planet of the lobster hoors and mud-men.

I'll follow some weemen around toon pretending to be a confused old man thinking they are my grand daughter. Young gurls love creepy old men that smell of piss.

Then its off to the gym to work-out for 3 or 4 hours.

I'll get a Chinese on the way home.

Pop in some classic Star Trek into the old VCR assuming no one has stolen it.

Then later its Pay- per view , don't miss the big fight tonight. A cow takes on a rhino.


Then its lets send drunken e-mails to weemen time and make some comments on Blogs. I may engage in cyber sex but you won't know.

I'll fall asleep with my cock in my hand and vomit all doon my front having those dreams yet again. Damn those dreams it was 40 years ago why can't they leave me alone?

Yes the life of Old Knudsen is as glamorous as you thought. When my mates get paroled and the prostitutes forget why they are avoiding me my social life will perk up. Stay tuned maggots.

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