I'm Such A Rake

John McCain on conservation.

Here in SoCal I don't know why Yanks are so into lawns, there is no fucking water to be had. I know its a hold over from copying the English which is stupid in its self but in England water falls from the sky, this phenomenon is called 'rain' if it rains over here Southern Callyfornia cums to a halt and on the news '200 dead in train crash' gets bumped to # 2 story just after the rain.

A camera crew gets sent out to film cars going through a dip in the road that has a puddle and motorists are stopped to give their opinion on the rain "Yeah its wet and I don't like it, make it stop."

Shut the fuck up you rebelious colonial traitor in the UK the weather is the main topic of small talk because we actually have weather drizzle fo sizzle every fucking painful day.

I suffer from S.A.D. which is sex addiction disorder but thats beside the point when its cloudy and wet I becum a grumpy old fucker and when its dry and sunny I becum a grumpy old fucker.

In the UK you always get some cunt who complains about the cold so to counter that you have to say, "well at least its dry" which is a polite way of saying you yappy wanker stop getting on like some kind of *European* looking on the negative side.

The French during WWII

"Regard Pierre le Nazis out number us 3 to 1 we must eat le cheese and surrender tout sweet."

The English during WWII

"Wot oh Tommy the bloody Hun out number us 3 to 1 lets have a cup of tea then kill the blighters, oh use up the Irish first and maybe Jerry will run out of bullets ."

The Yanks during WWII

"Its 1939 I see no war."



A sign I like that clearly states the intentions of the home owner. You should know by now that I support the shooting of several people as a way to combat Global warming and the shortage of resources.
Why has no one during this world wide recession ever mentioned to stop feeding and looking after prisoners?
If their families and some bleeding heart liberals want to feed pedos and rapists then let them I do not support or condone either.
I have thrown the idea out into the world lets see if some forward thinker runs with it.



Here is the sign I want made up for my home. Maybe they exist as many things I think of already do.
Yes I know the CIA listen in on my phone calls and e-mails and some of you fellow bloggers are no doubt spooks. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!

Where is this post going? you may ask

Back to my young days as a male model would you not want to be violated by my young hot lips?...................... My eyes are up here.





*Brits aren't really European*

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A Letter To Knudsen

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My Typical Saturday

Saturday named after Saturn the planet of the lobster hoors and mud-men.

I'll follow some weemen around toon pretending to be a confused old man thinking they are my grand daughter. Young gurls love creepy old men that smell of piss.

Then its off to the gym to work-out for 3 or 4 hours.

I'll get a Chinese on the way home.

Pop in some classic Star Trek into the old VCR assuming no one has stolen it.

Then later its Pay- per view , don't miss the big fight tonight. A cow takes on a rhino.


Then its lets send drunken e-mails to weemen time and make some comments on Blogs. I may engage in cyber sex but you won't know.

I'll fall asleep with my cock in my hand and vomit all doon my front having those dreams yet again. Damn those dreams it was 40 years ago why can't they leave me alone?

Yes the life of Old Knudsen is as glamorous as you thought. When my mates get paroled and the prostitutes forget why they are avoiding me my social life will perk up. Stay tuned maggots.

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A Stench Trench Make Over

If I was vain maybe I'd have some work done on myself but could man possibly improve upon perfection? The older we get weemen look old, saggy and ugly but we men look dignified, yes with our hairy ears, noses and nipples, balding heads and pot bellies not to mention our sagging ball sacks we do look dignified.


That shows you that God hates weemen, probably because of the whole don't eat the apple thing, he can certainly hold a grudge can God which is why even after 5000 years since the creation of the world weemen still get pain from child birth. It proves that God is Scottish cos who else could hold a grudge for that long?



Not the Bishop of Leeds Arthur Roche and his army of pedo priests or I would of had more legal letters by now.
.

This post isn't aimed at anyone in particular nope no one at all cos how would I know?




Has anyone ever dumped a woman because she had an old looking vadge? has a man ripped off a hotties panties after managing to trick her back to his place and saw her twat reminds him of his mother's and then lost his erection? I really doubt this.
Considering the things a man will stick his dick into I don't think a bit of mince meat around the edges is going to stop him.
.

Weemen will always find a man who will shag her, if they weren't so fucking picky they wouldn't be so lonely.

Woops sorry was that yer cunt I just fried? smells like kippers.

Laser Reduction Labioplasty can sculpture the elongated or unequal labial minora (small inner lips) according to ones specification. Most women tell us that they do not want the small inner lips to project beyond the large outer lips. Many women bring us Playboy and say that they want to look like this. With laser reduction labioplasty, we can accomplish the desires of the woman. Our labioplasty techniques can also reconstruct conditions that are due to the aging process, childbirth trauma, or injury.

Do weemen get twat surgery once they've done the nose, jowls, eyelids and breasts etc then think, "what else can I do? oh look at my beef curtains what a sight, I want them to look like Angelina Jolie."

Laser Perineoplasty can rejuvenate the relaxed or aging perineum. It can also enhance the sagging labia majora (large outer lips) and labia minora. Overall, the procedure can provide a youthful and aesthetically appealing vulva.

Oh look my perineum (barse) has wrinkles the Oil of Olay isn't working and big lips are so 3 years ago.

Augmentation Labioplasty can provide aesthetically enhanced and youthful labia majora by autologous fat transplant (removal of the patients fat via liposculpturing and transplanting it into the labia majora). Vulvar Lipoplasty can remove unwanted fat of the mons pubis and upper parts of the labia majora. Liposculpturing can alleviate the unsightly fatty bulges of this area and produce an aesthetically pleasing contour.

Good news for Manuel as he is definitely a fat cunt.

Hymenoplasty (reconstruction of the hymen) can repair the hymen as if nothing ever occurred. The Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute® is sensitive to the needs of women from all cultures that embrace these particular issues because of cultural, social, or religious reasons.

Who wants to buy a bottle of milk with the seal broken? even Madonna can be like a virgin.

Combination of DLV® with LVR LVR® and DLV® can be performed in combination. They can also be performed with most cosmetic surgical procedures; the most popular of these are Liposculpturing, breast implants, breast reduction, tummy tuck, nose surgery, and eyelid surgery.

I don't know what these letters are, I know HDTV and DVD but Blueray is taking over so maybe I'll wait for that to get cheaper before I have my breasts implants.

http://www.newwomansurgical.com/ Go get yer G-shot, you know you want to.

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I'd Like To Thank The Small People

Being a blogger is an honour no a privilege. I write my stories and an average of 161 people a day cum round to read them. Maybe you clicked next blog maybe you were looking for 'midget swallowing horse cum' or maybe you used to read me got bored and came round to check me out before you deleted my link , whatever the reason I thank you.

If 'YOU' didn't read me then what is the point to blogging? its not like I do this for me now is it?

It makes me feel special when visitors comment, spam or send me legal letters because you went to all that trouble just for me and my craft.

The other day I was about to quit blogging for good, my current gurlfriend had just ended our 3 hour relationship via the bathroom window I thought I had nailed shut and I just found out that my dog has a venereal disease, one of the nasty ones, trust me I've just got rid of mine.

I was sitting here all alone when I got a comment from a new person, it went:

" LOL , love your blog its soooo funny it made coke come out of my nose, BTW are you really an old man?"

It was from an American which is odd as I thought they were all on crack, coke is so 1980's and as for the old man question I get used to that, fucking rude cunts, a man of mature qualities if you don't mind.


Old Knudsen in happier days last week when his niece and her friend came to visit, lovely gurls.

I looked at their profile and they had just started their blog recently and then I looked at their blog and all the mistakes common to a rookie and not something I'd wipe me arse with, the only good blog is a Knudsen blog which is why you either want to do me or want to blog like me ya filthy dirty shites.

I saw in that shitty wee blog with its post about bagels hope and promise only to be found in a child's eye and I should know cos I have a bag full of them.
I read the post cursing Americans and their ways, as bad as the Chinese . Imagine shops that cook and serve bagels I mean those are cute doggies why don't people eat pugs?


So anyway I remembered the first joy I had when I started to blog then I went over to MJ's and tugged the lad over Manuel's arse picture.

When I see people in the street I can tell if they are bloggers or not, the miserable old fat woman holding up the line at the post office obviously has a lot to say and is without a doubt a blogger, the happy young couple don't blog as they are too busy fucking each other's brains out, give them 10 years a few babies and middle age spread and they'll be blogging.

This lass isn't a blogger..

With the exception of at least 19 people my blogging experiences have been great and I am constantly amazed and laugh my arse off at other blogs, of course they are all my other blogs.
Just to let you all know my news blog has made it to the longlist for the best pop culture blog on the Irish Blog awards even though I did briefly serve with Oliver Cromwell the scourge of the Irish.

Hey bygones and all of that stuff, I won't win anything (its all politics) but hey its the taking part that counts but if I start to post about leprechauns, Guinness , potatoes and ugly people then you know I'm just trying to impress the judges so top 'o' the mornin to ya .


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Old Knudsen In Trouble Yet Again

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Fuck I Like To Hear Myself Type

First of all don't give me crap, I've got hemorrhoids that are older than you and with far more intelligence too.

Did I tell you about the time I went to America during the potato famine in Ireland? They were serving some soy substitute and it just wasn't the same so I packed my bags and set sail for the new world aboard the good ship 'Sinker.' When I got to America I saw they weren't very hospitable to immigrants, I saw a lot of 'No Irish' signs and if anyone asked if I was Irish I'd say "No I'm Scottish don't insult me, unless its something good then I'll be Irish for ya." I worked as a rent boy at the tender age of 11 and my pride was damaged, do you know what its like having to ask people for their rent every month? I never looked them in the eyes as I wrote out the receipts and told them to trim their hedges.

To survive in America I did things that I'm ashamed off. I once went into a drugstore with a knife and told the guy behind the counter to fill my bag up full of drugs. I had intended to sell them to school kids or gheys as both have disposable income. The name Drugstore is very misleading.

While we are on the subject to descend on a rope means you abseil you don't rappel, what the fuck does rappel mean? it sounds like a deodorant teenage boys spray on themselves so thickly that it chokes you just to hide the fact that they don't wash, I never washed up to the age of 53 and never felt the need to smell like a hoors handbag, older ladies also crop dust with the perfume, I know that's to hide the smell of piss stained gunties which I personally fine quite sexy.

C'mon people admit it, you sniff stuff. Weemen sniff things belonging to their man, me when I'm with a lady I rip their gunties off and breath deeply and before you know it I've got a natural painful four hour erection.

Like him or not Robbie Williams has balls and they are itchy.

Do you see this? ' # ' how the fuck does that look like a pound sign? ' £ ' this is a pound sign as in the currency of civilised countries '#' this is known as a hash sign, don't ask me why it just fucking is ok? or lbs is pound. Maybe whoever named it was smokin hash browns or something.

A Cooker is a Stove and for a very good reason. You can't stove yer dinner but you can cook yer dinner on a cooker not a stover.

Tell tale tit. Yer mammy cannae knit, yer daddy cannae go tae bed Withoot a dummy tit.

That's a wee rhyme we sing as children when someone tells on you, rats on you, touts on you, get the idea? now this saying is as old as the hills so then why do you Americans call a Dummy a pacifier ? I think that film starring Vin Diesel would of made more sense if they called it 'The Dummy' rather than 'The Pacifier.'

Nappy headed hoes? a nappy is a diaper and a hoe is a thing you shuffle the soil around yer quaint poofy English garden with.

Petrol, short for petroleum spirit is fuel for cars. Gasoline or Gas is the stuff that cums out of my arse when I fart , you don't put gas into cars whats wrong with you people?

A baby carriage, does it have horses? its called a pram short for perambulator .

You call a Press up a Push up, Randy is a name but really it means having sexual desire, lustful or horny.

I came to the conclusion that Americans have issues and just like to annoy other countries. That explains the whole need to be the world police when it suits them, Darfur, Zimbabwe, Kenya who cares its Africa?

Hey were aren't British so lets change some words and mess with their heads and then insist its them that's wrong. Fucking Brits with their tea and bad teeth.

A fine example of an American woman I'd use her shite for toothpaste.

Its hard to admit it but I do like the back up we got in two world wars when the Scottish/British beat the Germans.
I like the fast, loose and easy American weemen and their need to take naked pictures of themselves and send them to me.
I used to like Coke now I prefer Pepsi. Heinz and Kraft food products are always welcome on my table, tomato soup, baked beans, ox-tail soup, miracle whip ah bliss.
I like the films or movies which have them saving the world every five minutes and I like their love of guns.
My dream is to have sex with at least one Yank woman in all 52 of their states, I'm not getting any younger and I'm barely halfway there.
Now Mexico and Canada are in North America right? so they are American too then, I had better get a move on.

Hot Cheerleaders I also like but you can keep yer American football, basketball and yer softball fucking boring, fly fishing is where the action is.

A typical American having fulfilled the American dream of getting too fat to walk.

I just rambled on here it seems, I don't care I'm old I get to do that.

Hey Happy birthday Martin Luther king, personally I think Booker T Washington and even Bill Cosby deserve more attention as they pointed out, its ok to want equal rights but once you have them do something with them instead of whining about whitey and slavery and disrespecting yer weemen.

Viva La Difference! as the Irish say.

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Osama Tells All

My CIA chums in the Killamory secret torture prison have decided this is a real image of Bin Laden, it seems he is getting prompts from some raghead on the side. They can not tell who it is as he is heavily disguised.



Osama Bin Predicting, in a bid to become a part of the media Osama has released yet another tape but this time its predictions for 2008 as he has studied the mystical arts of future peering while sitting in his cave fondling his goats.

1) The slackers of Iraq will join up and defeat America, I SAID JOIN UP HOW MANY HINTS DO YOU WANT?

2) This year the west will be defeated and converted to Islam either voluntarily or by the sword, either way its a great religion of peace and love and not as bad as Scientology.

3) Lohan will go back into rehab and not finish the course.

4) Celebrities will still not practice safe sex and yet more will be pregnant.

5) George Bush will feel the power of Allah against him, in the showers.

6) I will star in a reality show.

7) Global Warming will be a major issue this year.

8) There will be many deaths in the middle east.

9) Indonesia will get some terrible natural disasters.

10) Hugh Laurie will quit as House and the world shall mourn.

11) I will remember to dye my beard next time I release a tape.

12) Old Knudsen will die but will still manage to post more than everyone else.

13) Manuel will start up more blogs.

14) The Disney Channel will find a virgin among their stars.

15) Twenty Major will not win the Irish Blog Awards, it will be won by a Kenyan.

16) I will be found by the American infidels, only kidding just my little joke as if that would happen.

17) Gordon Brown will turn out to be likable and not lose any more personal data from the public ................ again with the jokes.


18) One of Old Knudsen's commenters shall betray him to the bloody Romans.

19) The new Star Trek movie will actually be good.

20) Ted Kennedy's memoirs will be a #1 best seller and will have less facts and truth in it than a Dan Brown book.

The fog is getting thicker, no really living up here on the Pakistan border can be quite foggy but at least its safe. Remember my predictions for when they come true I shall say "Allah told you so."





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