Fuck I Like To Hear Myself Type

First of all don't give me crap, I've got hemorrhoids that are older than you and with far more intelligence too.

Did I tell you about the time I went to America during the potato famine in Ireland? They were serving some soy substitute and it just wasn't the same so I packed my bags and set sail for the new world aboard the good ship 'Sinker.' When I got to America I saw they weren't very hospitable to immigrants, I saw a lot of 'No Irish' signs and if anyone asked if I was Irish I'd say "No I'm Scottish don't insult me, unless its something good then I'll be Irish for ya." I worked as a rent boy at the tender age of 11 and my pride was damaged, do you know what its like having to ask people for their rent every month? I never looked them in the eyes as I wrote out the receipts and told them to trim their hedges.

To survive in America I did things that I'm ashamed off. I once went into a drugstore with a knife and told the guy behind the counter to fill my bag up full of drugs. I had intended to sell them to school kids or gheys as both have disposable income. The name Drugstore is very misleading.

While we are on the subject to descend on a rope means you abseil you don't rappel, what the fuck does rappel mean? it sounds like a deodorant teenage boys spray on themselves so thickly that it chokes you just to hide the fact that they don't wash, I never washed up to the age of 53 and never felt the need to smell like a hoors handbag, older ladies also crop dust with the perfume, I know that's to hide the smell of piss stained gunties which I personally fine quite sexy.

C'mon people admit it, you sniff stuff. Weemen sniff things belonging to their man, me when I'm with a lady I rip their gunties off and breath deeply and before you know it I've got a natural painful four hour erection.

Like him or not Robbie Williams has balls and they are itchy.

Do you see this? ' # ' how the fuck does that look like a pound sign? ' £ ' this is a pound sign as in the currency of civilised countries '#' this is known as a hash sign, don't ask me why it just fucking is ok? or lbs is pound. Maybe whoever named it was smokin hash browns or something.

A Cooker is a Stove and for a very good reason. You can't stove yer dinner but you can cook yer dinner on a cooker not a stover.

Tell tale tit. Yer mammy cannae knit, yer daddy cannae go tae bed Withoot a dummy tit.

That's a wee rhyme we sing as children when someone tells on you, rats on you, touts on you, get the idea? now this saying is as old as the hills so then why do you Americans call a Dummy a pacifier ? I think that film starring Vin Diesel would of made more sense if they called it 'The Dummy' rather than 'The Pacifier.'

Nappy headed hoes? a nappy is a diaper and a hoe is a thing you shuffle the soil around yer quaint poofy English garden with.

Petrol, short for petroleum spirit is fuel for cars. Gasoline or Gas is the stuff that cums out of my arse when I fart , you don't put gas into cars whats wrong with you people?

A baby carriage, does it have horses? its called a pram short for perambulator .

You call a Press up a Push up, Randy is a name but really it means having sexual desire, lustful or horny.

I came to the conclusion that Americans have issues and just like to annoy other countries. That explains the whole need to be the world police when it suits them, Darfur, Zimbabwe, Kenya who cares its Africa?

Hey were aren't British so lets change some words and mess with their heads and then insist its them that's wrong. Fucking Brits with their tea and bad teeth.

A fine example of an American woman I'd use her shite for toothpaste.

Its hard to admit it but I do like the back up we got in two world wars when the Scottish/British beat the Germans.
I like the fast, loose and easy American weemen and their need to take naked pictures of themselves and send them to me.
I used to like Coke now I prefer Pepsi. Heinz and Kraft food products are always welcome on my table, tomato soup, baked beans, ox-tail soup, miracle whip ah bliss.
I like the films or movies which have them saving the world every five minutes and I like their love of guns.
My dream is to have sex with at least one Yank woman in all 52 of their states, I'm not getting any younger and I'm barely halfway there.
Now Mexico and Canada are in North America right? so they are American too then, I had better get a move on.

Hot Cheerleaders I also like but you can keep yer American football, basketball and yer softball fucking boring, fly fishing is where the action is.

A typical American having fulfilled the American dream of getting too fat to walk.

I just rambled on here it seems, I don't care I'm old I get to do that.

Hey Happy birthday Martin Luther king, personally I think Booker T Washington and even Bill Cosby deserve more attention as they pointed out, its ok to want equal rights but once you have them do something with them instead of whining about whitey and slavery and disrespecting yer weemen.

Viva La Difference! as the Irish say.

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