All Good Things Cum From My End

My friends and readers changes are a foot or 12 inches if you will. Be not ascared for I Old Knudsen is a force of nature and know of the nature of change.

All good things cum to an end and so is a chapter of my long life. I won't go into details right now but don't worry. You can expect the world as you know it to cum crashing doon and the monsters in yer wardrobe to cum out of the closet and say, " I'm fabulous" and the end times the Bible has promised to be insight or just around the corner.

Stay in contact or go off to those new blogs that promise 'more funny added' and 'extra laughs and insight added' I don't care all I know is that when I cum back from the loose ends I have to take care of nay secure things will be different, bigger, less substance and bad for yer health.

Death is a part of life, to build a garden you must kill weeds, slugs and snails, out with the old and in with the older cause it just made a cum back and the young uns don't remember how sad it was the first time round and think they are cool just like we did . Hindsight is 20/20.

I hope this post puts yer mind at rest. I shall see you all in 3 minutes. Being a Time Lord it all gets a bit confusing but it will be only 3 minutes for me. The change may be too much for some so if yer on meds take em, I know I will not that they help.

As the wise man once said ca ca ca ca changes, yes he had a stutter.

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Get It Right People

Looks a bit like an Arab to me.

This would be Old Knudson. Many many people mis-spell my name as Knudson. The Knudsons are a despicable bunch of people. Foul mouthed cunts who put kittens into sacks and dump them in rivers just to get a blog post.

Old Knudson thinks hes a big man because he had a three way with Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones while I have only shagged Zeta years back during her 'Darling buds of May' days.

Knudson always wants to get one over on me and every time some one spells my name like his he grows in power. Its said he was a large jar full of the souls of the innocent on his mantle piece and torments them with daytime TV and playing loud Jazz music ................. Hitler liked Jazz.

Old Knudson is intolerant towards everyone, it makes me sick and hes a mean and bitter old man who lives in some fantasy world.

Some say he lost his mind in Nam. The sweatshop he was opening up a few years back failed cos children are lazy fuckers. I don't see who would want to buy the sweat of young children that's crazy talk.

Intermission

I like a woman with something to hold onto, like a hand-rail or something.

The worse thing about Old Knudson is that he is Catholic, never trust a fella without a foreskin that's what I say.

He probably touted on me to the Bishop of Leeds for saying his priests were pedos, I'm not going to put up links to that dirty affair lets just say in an un-bitter way the good forces of Protestantism triumphed over the evil Catholic empire ruled by Osama Ben Edict as we did at the battle of the Boyne in 1690, a battle I could not attend due to a funeral.

That's enough about him. I've noticed as usual that I tend to get slagged off in posts and in comments all over the Blogosphere, that sort of thing happens to celebrities.

As I am a vile and base brabbler I hate to miss any of these jibes so I need volunteers for the Knudsen suicide squad, the pay and benefits are great on completion of yer first mission. Also I need volunteers for touts, tell tales, rats, squealers, supergrass' or informers to tell me when my name is used in vain.

Of course MJ and Anonymous Boxer (look the lazy bastard didn't even do links) are on my watch list as they are main offenders, as are the commenters on psychicgeek's blog. However if they turn against each other or maybe kiss or something they shall be highly rewarded with my cap when I die.

Trying out new looks to attract the young crowd.

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I'm As Sane As The Next Man

My nephew wanted me to play 'World of Warcraft' but he didn't explain the rules very well. Apparently its some computer game for young virgin males who should never be allowed access to guns.

The English language is a toughy sometimes especially when you have people like the Yanks and the English who think they speak it but don't.

I once wrote on-line that I was too pissed to e-mail and was going to bed. In real terms this meant I drank a load of alcohol and was tapping out words on my keyboard with one finger like a bird pecking at seed hoping it made sense.
The next day some American girl was asking all concerned as to why I was angry.

Recently someone made a comment on a blog about the Queen having the face of a frog. Well I got stuck into the cunts as I have sworn an oath of allegiance to Arthur king of the Britons his heirs and successors also her majesty Queen Elizabeth II and I have had a close relationship over the years and though Edward was the product from my crusty loins and a bitter disappointment to me I still have Lizzie on my list of fuck buddies.

I took that individual's link off my blog and went through my 1000 odd posts on this blog and deleted all their comments and next week I plan to get their bank details, murder their 2 pet cocker spaniels and frame them for a terrorist plot.

The person e-mailed me and asked me, "are you really mad?"

Mad? I've often wondered if I am or not but then you hear people say if you question it then you are sane but then I think maybe you are just insanely curious or madly introspective.

Why can a person who is mad not wonder if they are mad? surely their thought processes are so they can think coherently anyway.
For instance wankers spammed me for 2 months and had the cheek to call me paranoid, I don't think I'm paranoid though I do not trust and believe anyone and think many of my commenters are out to get me.

Then theres those stories in the news about people who think they know where a load of Nazi gold is buried, either this is real or the Nazis are trying to trick me into revealing where I hid their gold, can the spamming and Nazis be connected? does this sound like someone who is insane? could a nutter put pieces of the story like this together or would they be rocking for 6 hours in the corner of the room humming a tune?

Obviously I'm not mad though cumming into spring I am feeling quite full of the horn it was a nice day today in Killamory, the storm passed us by nicely so the weemen were walking about in their skimpy tops and their pink sweat pants that say 'pink' on the arses oh yeah I was walking round with a bulge in my trousers if you know what I mean, ok the bulge was in the back of my trousers and left a big stain.

I don't think there is any saving them so being the kind soul I am I'll drop them off at the Salvation Army camp to pass on to the poor and needy I'm fucked if I'm washing them though since when were the homeless picky?

I was once a sniper in the Salvation Army, that was back in the 60's I don't want to get into the whole JFK thing now as I don't care if yer Catholic scum or not I believe in religious tolerance now and so will tolerate them and just be smug in the fact that if you don't belong in my church/cult you'll burn in Hell.

The Catholics have a limbo they send people to so they don't look like total cunts when they say that decent people aren't allowed in Heaven. I think doing the limbo and all that calypso music would be worse than Hell, how low can you go? I'll go all the way doon to Hell please.

Hell used to be that place where normal people went to and was run by Hel the Goddess of the Underworld until God won in a rigged election and replaced her with his man Satan.

God is as big as Haliburton and just as powerful so Hell got to be a place you didn't want to go to and Christianity became the biggest money making venture ever but never mind that why am I talking about religion and insanity? theres no fucking connection there whats so ever and if any Muslim says otherwise I'll convert them at the point of my sword .

So to answer that walking dead persons question no Old Knudsen is not mad and how dare you insinuate that he is, as I said to my nephew the other day, "touch the pasty on the top shelf of the fridge and I'll cut another one of yer fingers off."

Ted Bundy, AKA 'The Next Man.'

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Back When I Used A Mac.... To Sleep On

Me just after prison and just before Blogging, fank fuck ma spelling improved.

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Fuck I Like To Hear Myself Type

First of all don't give me crap, I've got hemorrhoids that are older than you and with far more intelligence too.

Did I tell you about the time I went to America during the potato famine in Ireland? They were serving some soy substitute and it just wasn't the same so I packed my bags and set sail for the new world aboard the good ship 'Sinker.' When I got to America I saw they weren't very hospitable to immigrants, I saw a lot of 'No Irish' signs and if anyone asked if I was Irish I'd say "No I'm Scottish don't insult me, unless its something good then I'll be Irish for ya." I worked as a rent boy at the tender age of 11 and my pride was damaged, do you know what its like having to ask people for their rent every month? I never looked them in the eyes as I wrote out the receipts and told them to trim their hedges.

To survive in America I did things that I'm ashamed off. I once went into a drugstore with a knife and told the guy behind the counter to fill my bag up full of drugs. I had intended to sell them to school kids or gheys as both have disposable income. The name Drugstore is very misleading.

While we are on the subject to descend on a rope means you abseil you don't rappel, what the fuck does rappel mean? it sounds like a deodorant teenage boys spray on themselves so thickly that it chokes you just to hide the fact that they don't wash, I never washed up to the age of 53 and never felt the need to smell like a hoors handbag, older ladies also crop dust with the perfume, I know that's to hide the smell of piss stained gunties which I personally fine quite sexy.

C'mon people admit it, you sniff stuff. Weemen sniff things belonging to their man, me when I'm with a lady I rip their gunties off and breath deeply and before you know it I've got a natural painful four hour erection.

Like him or not Robbie Williams has balls and they are itchy.

Do you see this? ' # ' how the fuck does that look like a pound sign? ' £ ' this is a pound sign as in the currency of civilised countries '#' this is known as a hash sign, don't ask me why it just fucking is ok? or lbs is pound. Maybe whoever named it was smokin hash browns or something.

A Cooker is a Stove and for a very good reason. You can't stove yer dinner but you can cook yer dinner on a cooker not a stover.

Tell tale tit. Yer mammy cannae knit, yer daddy cannae go tae bed Withoot a dummy tit.

That's a wee rhyme we sing as children when someone tells on you, rats on you, touts on you, get the idea? now this saying is as old as the hills so then why do you Americans call a Dummy a pacifier ? I think that film starring Vin Diesel would of made more sense if they called it 'The Dummy' rather than 'The Pacifier.'

Nappy headed hoes? a nappy is a diaper and a hoe is a thing you shuffle the soil around yer quaint poofy English garden with.

Petrol, short for petroleum spirit is fuel for cars. Gasoline or Gas is the stuff that cums out of my arse when I fart , you don't put gas into cars whats wrong with you people?

A baby carriage, does it have horses? its called a pram short for perambulator .

You call a Press up a Push up, Randy is a name but really it means having sexual desire, lustful or horny.

I came to the conclusion that Americans have issues and just like to annoy other countries. That explains the whole need to be the world police when it suits them, Darfur, Zimbabwe, Kenya who cares its Africa?

Hey were aren't British so lets change some words and mess with their heads and then insist its them that's wrong. Fucking Brits with their tea and bad teeth.

A fine example of an American woman I'd use her shite for toothpaste.

Its hard to admit it but I do like the back up we got in two world wars when the Scottish/British beat the Germans.
I like the fast, loose and easy American weemen and their need to take naked pictures of themselves and send them to me.
I used to like Coke now I prefer Pepsi. Heinz and Kraft food products are always welcome on my table, tomato soup, baked beans, ox-tail soup, miracle whip ah bliss.
I like the films or movies which have them saving the world every five minutes and I like their love of guns.
My dream is to have sex with at least one Yank woman in all 52 of their states, I'm not getting any younger and I'm barely halfway there.
Now Mexico and Canada are in North America right? so they are American too then, I had better get a move on.

Hot Cheerleaders I also like but you can keep yer American football, basketball and yer softball fucking boring, fly fishing is where the action is.

A typical American having fulfilled the American dream of getting too fat to walk.

I just rambled on here it seems, I don't care I'm old I get to do that.

Hey Happy birthday Martin Luther king, personally I think Booker T Washington and even Bill Cosby deserve more attention as they pointed out, its ok to want equal rights but once you have them do something with them instead of whining about whitey and slavery and disrespecting yer weemen.

Viva La Difference! as the Irish say.

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What If God Was One Of Us?

Old Knudsen never brags unless you count telling what happened bragging of course. I am one of the most important people in the universe as God himself comes to me for ideas and advice. All those cancer curing plants in the Amazon were my idea.

God needs to be entertained as Earth is one of his many reality shows so I put them in the Amazon as a challenge, you can't make things too easy.

Anyway at the moment the Juttron genocide on Xucrin 4 is vastly more interesting for him, he loves a good slaughter, you just have to read yer old testament to see that, oh yeah that was back when there were only 3 worlds to watch and two of them had nothing but photo fucking synthesis on them.

I invited him doon to Killamory to join in on the fun, he just yapped yapped yapped about the usual, mostly how I talked him into creating weemen and look at the state of the world.

I pointed out that if you look at the Middle east, world politics, the IRA and UVF, Nazis and the Minute 'Men' its 99% male. Sure you get the odd silly bint but really I just wanted a warm, soft, jiggly creature to stick ma dick into and talk too and God doth say'th, "What do you want to talk to her for?"

Adam was too busy breaking off sticks to hit things with to talk, not a big thinker that lad, blame him for the state of the world.

Yes weemen if you have a big arse and feel attracted to men wearing caps its all my fault. If not then its the Devils work ya fucking leezer.

God gets easily distracted and will put a volcano on and fall asleep and forget about it or he'll be making a man and add some bits of teenage gurl on her period by mistake and before you know it you have Americans.

I took God doon to my local pub "The Broken Bottle" for a few drinks, that deity is a fuckin lightweight, Buddha can drink me under the table but Yewah is anyones after a couple of piss like Buds. He was dancing on the table asking people who wants to be a millionaire?

By the end of the night we had a cage match to the death between Mental Eddie and Crazy Rat Sammy, there were Unicorns shitting everywhere because the whole Noah's Ark thing came up, oh it turns out that it was Norah's Ark which is why it ended up on the top of Mount Ararat.

The Raslon nation that was about to nuke Sweden got wished out of existence for a bet not that you will ever remember anything about it.

After 9pm things start to get a little crazy in The Broken Bottle especially on a Saturday which is blood letting night. God ended up going home with a couple of Polish labourers.

When I call God 'He' that's just for convenience sake, I don't think humans can have a real concept of what God is and to do so is just arrogant, unless yer me of course. Those two Poles are in for a right shock.

God is probably sitting on his sofa in Heaven with a hangover and the smell of polish labourers around his belly port flicking the channels on his worlds, while we lesser Gods sit on our sofas with a hangover and the smell of Polish labourers around our cocks flicking channels on our tellys looking for sex and violence.......................just like big G who made us in his er its image but just because we look like God doesn't mean our shit don't stink.

Yes God does wear a cap.

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