Do Farts Smell Lovely In Heaven?

I was once a sergeant in the police force investigating the huge hippy populations on the remote Scottish Isles.
Hippies mean one thing, long hair and drugs .......... ok thats two things. I was tricked into walking into a huge wickerman when I was told there was free drink inside. All I found was death because those stoned hippies set it a light as a sacrifice to Harry Pothead the dark God of weed. These tossers were amateurs as I had already died and have been reanimated by a Voodoo zombie prince and still had 3 lives left. I didn't have the means to confine them and torture statements out of them so I fashioned a large wooden cross and bludgeoned them to death with the lard. "Kill them all and let God sort out the stoned."

Someday my time will be up and I shall sing with the Heavenly choir eternal but for now I'm sort of alive and kicking.

Who of those featured below do you think will die first? welcome to the very first and probably the last installment of Celebrity Death-race 3000.

Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January and given 5 weeks to live. The cunt is still ticking. His cancer has boosted his career and has given him a TV series called 'The Beast' which is about a large mutant vagina that goes from town to town eating people, what an ironic twist on muff diving. Swayze plays FBI agent Dan Bradwin and he and his animated space monkey partner follow the trail of *fanny* batter to find the killer.


Ted Kennedy famous for killing staff members and being the usual two faced Kennedy politician has a brain tumor. It has been said that the Devil himself will come up from Hell to collect this ones soul.



Some pubs or bars have betting pools on how long it will be before Barack Obama gets assassinated. Lets hope he fixes a few of Bush's fuck ups before he gets killed and immortalised as a saint.



Amy Winehouse has talent and whatever she is a tortured soul, with a face like that what can you expect? This chavette cannot last anymore longer, why would God do that? Why does God not keep good people like Paul Newman alive forever by giving them the wasted life force of people like Winehouse? I will be having words with that cunt of a deity when I go up to judge him on judgement day.


Bear Grylls eats rotting carcasses and squeezes the contents of a camel's stomach for water. He must have more parasites in his body than anyone ever. Its only a matter of time before the Sting-rays or the Lemurs get him. Drop him off in Killamory with an 'I love the Pope' T-shirt on and we'll see how long he survives.


Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the mouthpiece of Iran recently had a bout of man flu. Also one of his top yes men was found to have had a fake degree. Mahmoud laughed it off and said it was only a piece of paper. No Mahmoud it was a nit-picky excuse to get rid of one of yer people yer on yer way out lad. Yer last performance review was shite and the people are sick of you. You are the weakest link Goodbye.

Who will go first? or maybe some cunt jealous of not being included will go. Its like people you want to see naked you never see the ones you want. Those you want to die (I have a long list) will live to old age and you'll have a sagging pencil thin trollop saying, "Thats Hot!" thinking that she is sexy as she does now.



*Arse in America and vadge in the real world*


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Get It Right People

Looks a bit like an Arab to me.

This would be Old Knudson. Many many people mis-spell my name as Knudson. The Knudsons are a despicable bunch of people. Foul mouthed cunts who put kittens into sacks and dump them in rivers just to get a blog post.

Old Knudson thinks hes a big man because he had a three way with Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones while I have only shagged Zeta years back during her 'Darling buds of May' days.

Knudson always wants to get one over on me and every time some one spells my name like his he grows in power. Its said he was a large jar full of the souls of the innocent on his mantle piece and torments them with daytime TV and playing loud Jazz music ................. Hitler liked Jazz.

Old Knudson is intolerant towards everyone, it makes me sick and hes a mean and bitter old man who lives in some fantasy world.

Some say he lost his mind in Nam. The sweatshop he was opening up a few years back failed cos children are lazy fuckers. I don't see who would want to buy the sweat of young children that's crazy talk.

Intermission

I like a woman with something to hold onto, like a hand-rail or something.

The worse thing about Old Knudson is that he is Catholic, never trust a fella without a foreskin that's what I say.

He probably touted on me to the Bishop of Leeds for saying his priests were pedos, I'm not going to put up links to that dirty affair lets just say in an un-bitter way the good forces of Protestantism triumphed over the evil Catholic empire ruled by Osama Ben Edict as we did at the battle of the Boyne in 1690, a battle I could not attend due to a funeral.

That's enough about him. I've noticed as usual that I tend to get slagged off in posts and in comments all over the Blogosphere, that sort of thing happens to celebrities.

As I am a vile and base brabbler I hate to miss any of these jibes so I need volunteers for the Knudsen suicide squad, the pay and benefits are great on completion of yer first mission. Also I need volunteers for touts, tell tales, rats, squealers, supergrass' or informers to tell me when my name is used in vain.

Of course MJ and Anonymous Boxer (look the lazy bastard didn't even do links) are on my watch list as they are main offenders, as are the commenters on psychicgeek's blog. However if they turn against each other or maybe kiss or something they shall be highly rewarded with my cap when I die.

Trying out new looks to attract the young crowd.

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Let Sleeping Knudsens Lie

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