I Put The Con Into Icon

Thanks Tony for pointing the way for me to jump on the BO bandwagon. I will be very surprised if I don't see this on t-shirts soon.


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The Lie Game

Being an operative for 'The Company' say no more say no more I have my snitches, bitches and slags all over the world.
Let me introduce you to 'Deep Toot' which is not his or her real name of course. Deep Toot keeps me up to date on the movements of top U.N. officials as he or she likes to hang around the restrooms, also on other stuff as he or she gets bored easily, ADHD I suspect.

He or she wrote to me this:


I entered Old Bitter Balls on http://www.oneplusyou.com/q/v/blog_cuss and it said 41.7% of the pages had cussing. That is 317% MORE than other websites that took the test.
I'm not sure whether to congratulate you or give you some shite for slacking.

For that last remark expect to receive some deadly Tampax in the mail.

As for my score, fuck shit piss wank cunt and what are you looking at bastard face? that score really cracks my tits and leaves a brown stain on my permanent record.

I once rode a fucking horse to catch a moving fucking cunty train, then I leapt from the horse (I rode bare back equestrian style) and beat a Nazi spy who was carrying microfilm in his left ball to death with my bare fists and ate his body raw to conceal the evidence, I didn't eat his face instead I wore that as a disguise until our train reached neutral Swaziland and then I attended a convention in Geneva passing on my microfilm in a passionate kiss to a beautiful French agent called Fifi and the cunts at The Company neglected to mention that I forgot to clock back in after me break, that made me madder than a priest on a desert island full of young gurls.

No one ever looks after the spies or covert operatives as we prefer to be called. When I worked for British MFI we had to supply our own lunches, one time I got into trouble for not following a chappy because I had just ordered me burger and no fucking way was I going to be out money for those bastards . I was asked by the head of MFI whose codename was '@' if I had an attitude problem so I said " whats it to you, you baldy cunt?" thats when I got assigned to Turkey fuck I hate Turkey, I used to like it but now I only eat chicken, the bird flu doesn't scare me if me drumstick sneezes then I don't eat it, I knew a lass who liked to be fucked with a frozen drum stick which was a pity as I was the lead singer and not the drummer.

Turkey is known as a moderate Muslim cuntry, is that like a moderate drinker? I see moderate drinkers as people who can't commit to going all the way and getting totally off their faces and so are not to be trusted, when I drink I become a totally different person, I become the 'Fart Knocker' I fight crime and people who I think are giving me a dirty look and have the power of spew which blinds or revolts my opponent. I am also a great dancer, a better driver and brilliant in bed, more so than normal even though I cannot drive, well sober anyway.

I have a confession to make, snails like to come out into my garden at night and what I like to do is walk around in the dark crunching their shells underfoot, am I the only one who enjoys this past time?



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Osama Tells All

My CIA chums in the Killamory secret torture prison have decided this is a real image of Bin Laden, it seems he is getting prompts from some raghead on the side. They can not tell who it is as he is heavily disguised.



Osama Bin Predicting, in a bid to become a part of the media Osama has released yet another tape but this time its predictions for 2008 as he has studied the mystical arts of future peering while sitting in his cave fondling his goats.

1) The slackers of Iraq will join up and defeat America, I SAID JOIN UP HOW MANY HINTS DO YOU WANT?

2) This year the west will be defeated and converted to Islam either voluntarily or by the sword, either way its a great religion of peace and love and not as bad as Scientology.

3) Lohan will go back into rehab and not finish the course.

4) Celebrities will still not practice safe sex and yet more will be pregnant.

5) George Bush will feel the power of Allah against him, in the showers.

6) I will star in a reality show.

7) Global Warming will be a major issue this year.

8) There will be many deaths in the middle east.

9) Indonesia will get some terrible natural disasters.

10) Hugh Laurie will quit as House and the world shall mourn.

11) I will remember to dye my beard next time I release a tape.

12) Old Knudsen will die but will still manage to post more than everyone else.

13) Manuel will start up more blogs.

14) The Disney Channel will find a virgin among their stars.

15) Twenty Major will not win the Irish Blog Awards, it will be won by a Kenyan.

16) I will be found by the American infidels, only kidding just my little joke as if that would happen.

17) Gordon Brown will turn out to be likable and not lose any more personal data from the public ................ again with the jokes.


18) One of Old Knudsen's commenters shall betray him to the bloody Romans.

19) The new Star Trek movie will actually be good.

20) Ted Kennedy's memoirs will be a #1 best seller and will have less facts and truth in it than a Dan Brown book.

The fog is getting thicker, no really living up here on the Pakistan border can be quite foggy but at least its safe. Remember my predictions for when they come true I shall say "Allah told you so."





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Congratulations Its Rich.

I couldn't actually find a picture of the twat so this one will do.

The ninth husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor you know the guy, the one that sued the makers of Viagra because he can't get aroused without the aid of the little blue pill and the one who is actually the son of a Policeman but bought his royal title because Germans have that thing about having to be more important than everyone else a lot like the British, but not as sneaky as the Yanks, at least when the Germans and the Germans lite (the English) try to take over the world they do it openly.

I digress, Prince Frederick von Anhalt claims that Anna Nicole Smith's baby is his, hes doing this because there is nothing more important than family to the man, oh and the millions left to her by her oil tycoon geezer husband are important too. In fact I may also be the father of the child too, so might my mate Spartacus .

Here is the Prince's car if you want to key it on the way past.