Why Do I Not See Flags Flying?

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What Way Does Dildo Like It?

The singer Dido has just released her new album, Long Way Home, which she co-wrote with producer Jon Brion.

There is a song called ' Let's Do the Things We Normally Do' and the lyrics include a few lines from Barleycorn's The Men Behind The Wire.

"Armoured cars and tanks and guns, came to take away our sons. But every man must stand behind, the men behind the wire."

The song was written by the Northern Irish band describing raids by the British soldiers (The good guys) against cocksucking Fenian terrorists.

Culture Minister Gregory Campbell, of the DUP, (Protestant) has asked the artist, or her management, to clarify her position so the public and her fans know where she stands on the issue.

Does she like Fenian cocksucking and anal sex or quick Protestant hump and fumble man on top and nothing else?

Barry McElduff of Sinn Féin (a Catholic) said it as all no big deal, of course he would. If Van Morrison put in a few versus of the Sash he'd be yapping about it.

Old Knudsen does not accuse the gurl of supporting the IRA who incidentally lost their war of terrorism against the people of the UK. Old Knudsen does accuse her of singing songs that all sound the same.

U2 made it big exploiting The Troubles with Bloody Sunday so why shouldn't she? And since when did Northern Ireland have culture?

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The Legend Of The Cap

A few years back I was a college professor teaching the true history of the Bible but really my passion was necrophilia and a bit of archaeological adventuring. I'd go into ancient tombs and crypts with my whip, gun and explosives and destroy all around me to find the treasure, er I mean ancient artifacts.

I defiled many a culture by destroying their temples but it was all in the name of science so those savages can fuck right off.

I had long heard about the lost cloth cap of Adam the first blogger, he and his "friend" Steve had a blog called 'The apple polishers' the first commenter a fag hag named Eve said ," You'd polish off the apple but would you swallow the seeds?"

Lilith who was busy having disgusting sexual intercourse 10 ways from Sunday (the day of rest) with dirty well endowed demons took time to comment "LOL" for she was evil in the Lard's eyes.

While digging in what was Babylon and later to become Iraq I uncovered an old tablet, with nothing to lose I swallowed it and started to have hallucinations. Fatty Arbuckle wanted to rape me with a champagne bottle but was being held back by Harold Lloyd who was shouting directions at me and telling me to flee before I got corked.

Three days later I awoke on a dooner, don't fuck with me when I'm coming doon, look me in the eyes and yer dead meat.
I knew from my vision where the cap would be. I set sail on the ship of the desert for the jungles of the Nile basin where I found a temple in a cave guarded by and ancient order of warrior druids.

Luckily there were only 6 of them and my revolver was a 6 shooter, that will teach them to defend things with swords.

I walked carefully through the tunnel system marveling at the lack of good lighting suddenly I stepped onto a rock that clicked, no not a trap merely an ancient light switch, ah that was better.


I entered a large chamber full of out of place columns and walked towards a platform that contained several cloth caps. Above carved into the wall in Sanskrit it told how if you choose the wrong cap you will painfully die or maybe it said yer anus will cry my Sanskrit and my anus are a little rusty.

I saw one and said, "This is the cap of a blogger" as I lifted it a deep rumbling started, I looked behind me and said, "for fucks sake I knew I shouldn't of had the curry" Chinos stain easily.

Oh and the roof started to cave in but thats to be expected. I ran at great speed narrowly missing the falling stone columns and made it out of the cave. I suppose I'll be getting the blame for destroying that one.

Two more of the ancient order of warrior druids showed up they must have been on their break. Not having had time to reload me gun as my bullets had spilled to the bottom of me man bag I ran like an Italian.

They chased me to a small town that was having some kind of parade, brown fellas held up a statue of the alleged Virgin Mary and the whole town followed it............. Fenians why did it have to be Fenians?

Yes I have an irrational fear of Taigs.

I turned and faced the two lads with the swords and pulled out my whip. They both looked at it in fear, oh yeah I was going to smack it about their faces and mouths and they knew they would feel pain, the cowards ran.

I put my whip away then got out my bull whip and cleared a path through the Fenians.

The lost cap of Adam made me the greatest blogger in the world, irresistible to men and weemen and also gave me painful 4 hour long erections but I'm not complaining.


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They Came In Peace

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Hot And Tasty

Obviously this will be the post to make me even more famous than I already am. Do not watch if under the age of 18 or if you are easily offended by graphic sexual content involving badgers.


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All Is Right With The World

Well well you can see by their faces the Irish (or professional Fenians as I call them) are not so smug about their economy known as "The Boom, Ireland's Economic Miracle or The Celtic Tiger" they have had it so good for the last 13 odd years or so they actually got back a lot of the Irish immigrants who had the good sense to get out. Imagine that, immigrating to Ireland how Irish does that sound?

Only those who were living in the 80's know what Ireland is supposed to be like, no potatoes living in a caravan and being cold wet and poor all the time and dressing in clothes from the 70's. The younguns in the 90's who bragged about The Celtic Tiger this and that as they snorted Charlie off some ugly birds arse while wearing a shell suit do not know what they are in for.

It could not have lasted forever, now the poles are leaving and yer stuck with all the mucksavages who came home looking for jobs. It is a sad time but the Irish can now go back to their place of being doontrodden and stubbornly defiant.

I'll not be expecting any awards at the next Irish Blog Awards as usual (if they have them) see what happens when you snub Old Knudsen 2 years in a row? .......... The name is Balls........Bitter Balls.



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Let Us Prey............... On The Weak

The Bible is the best selling book of all time, totally out selling Old Knudsen's collection of cunt poetry. 50 Bibles are sold worldwide every minute so that means 'there are 50 born again every minute' not 'one born every minute.'

The Bible is also great for reading while having a shite. The paper is the same as that cheap toilet paper so just rip out the bits you don't like and wipe yer hole with it, all that peace and love stuff can go for a start and before you know it you have standard to live yer life by.

If God was on his side then God is evil and Satan is good so therefore this is the great lie that is spoken of. Makes sense to me, you just don't want to believe.

The Bible is also the most shoplifted book in the world. probably those Fenian cocksuckers.

In Kenya just recently a mob of 300 killed 11 people in their town that they suspected of witchcraft, sounds like God's good work to me.

A plea from little Johnny

Grandfather if yer reading this please cum home we love you.

Fact: No American has died of old age since 1951.

That was the year the government eliminated that classification on death certificates.

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I Had A Post But Then I Posted This Shite Instead

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LOL Kittens More Like SOS Kittens

I just got this new microwavey and I'm just working out how to use it. Billy one ear tells me you need a box in order to get any channels which I think is a fucking rip off, that's how they make their money like extended warrantees. Go buy a computer but refuse to buy the extended warrantee and watch the salesman's face drop.

I did that once and what do you know that Olivetti piece of shit lasted the warrantee then my cat decided to piss on the thing. Fucking cats I suspect they are agents of the lemurs sent to infiltrate and harass us.

Which day is the first day of the week? some say Sunday but I say Monday. If its based on when God had his day off which was the 7th day called the Sabbath which was originally Saturday as Christianity allegedly cums from Judaism. Now with Protestant wisdom Sunday is seen as the day of rest and Saturday is drinking day and fight night.
So if Sunday is the day of rest it follows that its the 7th day right? So Monday is the first day of the week.

I remember when Sundays were ghost towns, the only thing that was open was the newsagents so you'd get yer paper and a carton of milk. No fast food places and no 24 hour anything.

The pubs would only be open for a couple of hours. I hated Sundays as there was nothing to do and boring songs of praise shite was on the telly and considering we only had 3 TV channels until the early 80's that was quite bad.

You can watch car racing on one channel, cars going round and round whats the point? some program for deaf people on another with dopey cunts doing sign language and making silly faces or you could watch a farming show on the third.

The worse part about a Sunday then was if you had forgotten to buy drink you were fucked.

I never slept well on Sunday night because I was pissed off at how fast the weekend went and now it was nearly time for work. Yer head would be turning over and you'd sleep without knowing you did.
Every couple of hours I'd grab my alarm clock and try to make out what time it was in the dark, then I'd count how many hours I had until I had to get up.

If I had to get up at 6am I'd wake at 5.30am still tired I'd look at the clock and then fall deeply asleep then my alarm would go off.

I like to be woken up gently, when that sort of stuff happens yer whole body is in shock and you don't even get a stiffy. The whole day it out of sorts.

I salute weemen because in the mornings my gag reflex is at ultra sensitive. I've been known to walk doon a street, choke and puke in the early mornings, how weemen take my 12 inches of man meat without choking is beyond me. One of the many reasons I didn't advance far in military ranks.

Aren't sperm so cute looking? how can some weemen spit them out? heartless bitches.

Breakfast is tough when its early I reckon I'm no a morning person, just say hello to me and find out. I once killed a man for saying a cheery "good morning" as I stomped him to death I shouted "whats so go about it huh? huh?" it was during a job interview and I never got it even though I wore a fucking tie.

I had this thing about eggs. I love eggs and I love chicken in fact I lived with a hen as my common law wife once, the divorce was messy but tasty.

I want to ride a hot midget before I die, that was on my list of ambitions to do in life just after making a species of animals extinct, fucking Dodos that'll teach them.

For a long time In the mornings I couldn't eat eggs because I'd imagine them cumming out of the chicken's bum as I ate and so I would gag. I don't need an anatomy lesson as to where eggs cum out its their bum and that's that.

I've over that now, well I cringe when shell gets into my fried egg when I break it. Which is funny as I have ate things that fell on the floor no probs if only my psychiatrist didn't have that restraining order against me, ah well that's what a blog is for.

So back to the top, I'm placing bets that not only can I get this microwavey to work but I can also get those feline cunts to spill the beans about the lemur plans for conquest. Why does Billy keep saying "Clean up on aisle 5" and laughing ?

Warning post may contain graphic midget images.

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Drink From The Furry Cup My Friend

A few years ago I was recalled, no not because my wiring was faulty or because I pissed the bed a lot. I was recalled back into the company. Once you join the CIA you never leave. What I am about to tell you is super duper top secret so don't go spreading it about.

Silly ragheaded cunts plotted to kill the artist that drew this cartoon of Muhammed, all that achieved was to have the cartoon republished as an example of free speech..... enjoy my sandsavage friends.

It was late March in 2004, I was aboard a black company (CIA)transport plane flying low at night under the radar with 3 other operatives named, Dax, Thumper, Ninja and of course me 'The Stormbringer' we don't use real names but we were all aware of each others reputation, I wouldn't like to have to fight either of them, they would viciously kill you twice just for pleasure.

We touched doon at camp SG19 in Northern Arizona, I can't tell you what inflight movies we watched for yer own safety because its classified but one did involve fast and furious car chases and another was set in Japan about some old bloke that nearly shags some gurl with lips like a puffer fish, ba ba ba ba ba ba boring!

Nope I can't go to the pub today, I'm cleaning out my sex doll .

We walked into a black hangar, why are all the secret things black? are secret Santas black? if so do they live at the North pole too? and what about little white lies? do you get big well endowed black lies?

Speaking of black check out the rubbish in her boot, I want to spank that booty, I would totally hit her.

The new hit song from Take That.

The hangar was full of offices and shifty looking people popping valiums to help with their over developed paranoia. We were guided to a small room with tables and plastic chairs, for fucks sake my arse was going to sweat like an altar boy at a priest convention in Leeds.

I heard the Diocese of Leeds was full of pedos, just saying what I heard, more free speech for ya, go on kill me.

We took our seats and in walked a broad shouldered military type in a black suit, his thick neck and short blonde crew cut gave him away, probably Marines as he looked like a rapist he was call-signed 'Teacher' but we called him Hank, don't worry people its not like Al Qaeda can work computers they won't find out.

He started off by telling us about our enemy, "The raghead terrorist is dedicated, hes fearless, he never gets laid so therefore is angry, he hates puppies, kittens, long walks on the beach and sexy weemen. He is ruthless, murderous and has the sense of humour of a Catholic. Petty oppression is his way in the name of religion, we shall in the name of freedom and of course Christianity oppress him."

Hot weemen pouring pints I will kill 1000 Islamofacists with my bare hands to defend this.

He had me at hating kittens, I was as erect as Al Gore was when he won his Nobel peace price for making a mockumentary.
I stood up and said "Let me at the buggers," Dax was drooling and thumper was beating off which is how he got his name as for Ninja I hadn't seen that cunt since the plane a secretive fucker, all dressed in black you know.

Jews are our friends, even if they are stupid enough to circumcise, well at least we opposed Hitler to help them unlike some Fenian cocksucking nations.........woops their goes my Irish blog award to be sure to be sure.

"No my blood hungry warriors you must learn about yer enemy for other reasons." It seems we were brought in to play pretend ragheads to keep the war effort going and for Bush to get funding through Congress.

Isn't Laura Linney lusciously lovely? her chin really turns me on, hubba hubba.

Every now and then when needed I'd put on the old dark makeup and a towel on my head and act suspiciously.

The war in Iraq and Afghanistan isn't as big as you'd think I mean the biggest nations in the world against ragheads on camels? come on do you believe that they would give us that much trouble? half the war is stage effects, sure you get the odd Taliban attack but really most of its inflated or the CIA planting the bombs.

Osama Bin Laden is totally made up, if you were a fan of theatre you may have seen in appear in 'Cats' or maybe as bit parts on East Enders.

Don't piss off the chef at the local Indian restaurant.

President Bush himself is a muppet , no really hes a total muppet, 4 people operate him and one of them called Dick Cheney has his hand up his arse.

Did someone say arse?

Why are you touring Africa Mr Bush? who really gives a fuck about the Africans? and what has it to do with the USA? a saying of the CIA is "if yer cause is suffering blues, get on the telly and make some news."

I stopped playing along when I booked a holiday in Turkey only to find out that Turkey didn't exist, if anyone tells you it does then they are a CIA spook or just brainwashed .If you go on a holiday to Turkey you end up in a simulator drugged out of yer skull for two weeks, sometimes they give you an STD or a bad sun burn for reality sake, well that's what they did to me, I'm sure of it.

Fucking gorilla loving spammers, I know too much.

Ask questions people and don't believe anything you read, well unless its on one of my blogs especially my news blog as that is Frank Fearless Free and incorruptible as my price hasn't been agreed on yet.

To answer the question asked by the convicted crackhead Rodney King "Why can't we all just get along?" well we can, all we have to do is kill all the trouble makers.

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Old Knudsen In Trouble Yet Again

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The Post To End All Posts

By demand I have yer dirty picture. MJ, First Nations, A.Boxer, Marky and many more wanted to see Honourary Old Bitter Balls Vince Vaughn sucking a man's willy. No I am not disgusted at you I am disgusted at myself for doing such a thing, I mean posting the picture not sucking a willy anyway she was a gurlyboy we were married and it was a long voyage so get off my fucking back it doesn't count.

I have never had carnival knowledge of another man I swear on the Bible to that fact, it was a circus we were drunk so get off my fucking back it doesn't count.

I'm as straight as the next man (as long as that isn't Marky) and to prove how secure I am in my sexuality I shall keep this post up for 3 weeks to show that it doesn't bother me.

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Suck It You Slag

Vince as he subconsciously gives head to an ice-cream cone while looking at children's toys.

To show what a nice person I am to those who think I'm a right cunt who throws bags of kittens into *rivers* and exposes my todger to weemen and the odd attractive man on the bus.

I thought I should tell you the internal struggle I had to not photoshop the above picture of Vince Vaughn sucking the ice-cream out of his poke into some grotesque ghey Fenian cock sucking scene.

The only reason I didn't was because he is an Honourary Bitter Balls as you can see on my sidebar.

I hear him and Jen are back together and hope that she has as much talent on the poke as he does, I won't tell you what Brad said on the subject as he had been drinking and it was said in confidence.

I just have to say this, if you 'want' to spoil the moment then use yer teeth, fuck I hate it when I get an amateur. Get them older when they've lost all their teeth or skull fuck a meth addict.

Speaking of which Eddie Waring who was once a stunt motorcyclist and male model did the meme I subjected him too and wrote this: "I always sniff my fingers after scratching my arse, just to see how much it stinks."

Ever read something and at that moment you feel closer to them as you have never done before with anyone? its like he diddled my soul.
After you sniff yer finger you usually said something obvious like " fuck that stinks" and then continue to eat yer burger or shove it under the nose of yer wife to validate the stench .

'Y'-Fronts were the greatest invention of the 20th century I believe, a flap in which you can pull out yer lad and piss away, not like boxers were yer knob just falls out or so I told the Judge.

Why has no one ever invented the Y-Front with the Z-Back ? are you confused? I'm thinking of an extra flap you can get yer fingers into so you don't have to put yer hand doon the back or up a leg to scratch yer hole cos I'm lazy and will just poke a hole through the arse of me gunties.

I usually wear boxers as that's what people buy me at Christmas and they don't make them with reinforced arses which may also be a good Idea, market them as "arse pickers."

The Z-Back would also be popular with the gheys I think or so Marky tells me............... Ka-Chow!

*ponds and lakes are better so the current doesn't take the bag out of sight.*

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