The Legend Of The Cap

A few years back I was a college professor teaching the true history of the Bible but really my passion was necrophilia and a bit of archaeological adventuring. I'd go into ancient tombs and crypts with my whip, gun and explosives and destroy all around me to find the treasure, er I mean ancient artifacts.

I defiled many a culture by destroying their temples but it was all in the name of science so those savages can fuck right off.

I had long heard about the lost cloth cap of Adam the first blogger, he and his "friend" Steve had a blog called 'The apple polishers' the first commenter a fag hag named Eve said ," You'd polish off the apple but would you swallow the seeds?"

Lilith who was busy having disgusting sexual intercourse 10 ways from Sunday (the day of rest) with dirty well endowed demons took time to comment "LOL" for she was evil in the Lard's eyes.

While digging in what was Babylon and later to become Iraq I uncovered an old tablet, with nothing to lose I swallowed it and started to have hallucinations. Fatty Arbuckle wanted to rape me with a champagne bottle but was being held back by Harold Lloyd who was shouting directions at me and telling me to flee before I got corked.

Three days later I awoke on a dooner, don't fuck with me when I'm coming doon, look me in the eyes and yer dead meat.
I knew from my vision where the cap would be. I set sail on the ship of the desert for the jungles of the Nile basin where I found a temple in a cave guarded by and ancient order of warrior druids.

Luckily there were only 6 of them and my revolver was a 6 shooter, that will teach them to defend things with swords.

I walked carefully through the tunnel system marveling at the lack of good lighting suddenly I stepped onto a rock that clicked, no not a trap merely an ancient light switch, ah that was better.


I entered a large chamber full of out of place columns and walked towards a platform that contained several cloth caps. Above carved into the wall in Sanskrit it told how if you choose the wrong cap you will painfully die or maybe it said yer anus will cry my Sanskrit and my anus are a little rusty.

I saw one and said, "This is the cap of a blogger" as I lifted it a deep rumbling started, I looked behind me and said, "for fucks sake I knew I shouldn't of had the curry" Chinos stain easily.

Oh and the roof started to cave in but thats to be expected. I ran at great speed narrowly missing the falling stone columns and made it out of the cave. I suppose I'll be getting the blame for destroying that one.

Two more of the ancient order of warrior druids showed up they must have been on their break. Not having had time to reload me gun as my bullets had spilled to the bottom of me man bag I ran like an Italian.

They chased me to a small town that was having some kind of parade, brown fellas held up a statue of the alleged Virgin Mary and the whole town followed it............. Fenians why did it have to be Fenians?

Yes I have an irrational fear of Taigs.

I turned and faced the two lads with the swords and pulled out my whip. They both looked at it in fear, oh yeah I was going to smack it about their faces and mouths and they knew they would feel pain, the cowards ran.

I put my whip away then got out my bull whip and cleared a path through the Fenians.

The lost cap of Adam made me the greatest blogger in the world, irresistible to men and weemen and also gave me painful 4 hour long erections but I'm not complaining.


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