A few years ago I was recalled, no not because my wiring was faulty or because I pissed the bed a lot. I was recalled back into the company. Once you join the CIA you never leave. What I am about to tell you is super duper top secret so don't go spreading it about.
Silly ragheaded cunts plotted to kill the artist that drew this cartoon of Muhammed, all that achieved was to have the cartoon republished as an example of free speech..... enjoy my sandsavage friends.
It was late March in 2004, I was aboard a black company (CIA)transport plane flying low at night under the radar with 3 other operatives named, Dax, Thumper, Ninja and of course me 'The Stormbringer' we don't use real names but we were all aware of each others reputation, I wouldn't like to have to fight either of them, they would viciously kill you twice just for pleasure.
We touched doon at camp SG19 in Northern Arizona, I can't tell you what inflight movies we watched for yer own safety because its classified but one did involve fast and furious car chases and another was set in Japan about some old bloke that nearly shags some gurl with lips like a puffer fish, ba ba ba ba ba ba boring!
Nope I can't go to the pub today, I'm cleaning out my sex doll .
We walked into a black hangar, why are all the secret things black? are secret Santas black? if so do they live at the North pole too? and what about little white lies? do you get big well endowed black lies?
Speaking of black check out the rubbish in her boot, I want to spank that booty, I would totally hit her.
The new hit song from Take That.
The hangar was full of offices and shifty looking people popping valiums to help with their over developed paranoia. We were guided to a small room with tables and plastic chairs, for fucks sake my arse was going to sweat like an altar boy at a priest convention in Leeds.
I heard the Diocese of Leeds was full of pedos, just saying what I heard, more free speech for ya, go on kill me.
We took our seats and in walked a broad shouldered military type in a black suit, his thick neck and short blonde crew cut gave him away, probably Marines as he looked like a rapist he was call-signed 'Teacher' but we called him Hank, don't worry people its not like Al Qaeda can work computers they won't find out.
He started off by telling us about our enemy, "The raghead terrorist is dedicated, hes fearless, he never gets laid so therefore is angry, he hates puppies, kittens, long walks on the beach and sexy weemen. He is ruthless, murderous and has the sense of humour of a Catholic. Petty oppression is his way in the name of religion, we shall in the name of freedom and of course Christianity oppress him."
Hot weemen pouring pints I will kill 1000 Islamofacists with my bare hands to defend this. He had me at hating kittens, I was as erect as Al Gore was when he won his Nobel peace price for making a mockumentary.
I stood up and said "Let me at the buggers," Dax was drooling and thumper was beating off which is how he got his name as for Ninja I hadn't seen that cunt since the plane a secretive fucker, all dressed in black you know.
Jews are our friends, even if they are stupid enough to circumcise, well at least we opposed Hitler to help them unlike some Fenian cocksucking nations.........woops their goes my Irish blog award to be sure to be sure.
"No my blood hungry warriors you must learn about yer enemy for other reasons." It seems we were brought in to play pretend ragheads to keep the war effort going and for Bush to get funding through Congress.
Isn't Laura Linney lusciously lovely? her chin really turns me on, hubba hubba.Every now and then when needed I'd put on the old dark makeup and a towel on my head and act suspiciously.
The war in Iraq and Afghanistan isn't as big as you'd think I mean the biggest nations in the world against ragheads on camels? come on do you believe that they would give us that much trouble? half the war is stage effects, sure you get the odd Taliban attack but really most of its inflated or the CIA planting the bombs.
Osama Bin Laden is totally made up, if you were a fan of theatre you may have seen in appear in 'Cats' or maybe as bit parts on East Enders.
Don't piss off the chef at the local Indian restaurant.
President Bush himself is a muppet , no really hes a total muppet, 4 people operate him and one of them called Dick Cheney has his hand up his arse.
Did someone say arse?Why are you touring Africa Mr Bush? who really gives a fuck about the Africans? and what has it to do with the USA? a saying of the CIA is "if yer cause is suffering blues, get on the telly and make some news."
I stopped playing along when I booked a holiday in Turkey only to find out that Turkey didn't exist, if anyone tells you it does then they are a CIA spook or just brainwashed .If you go on a holiday to Turkey you end up in a simulator drugged out of yer skull for two weeks, sometimes they give you an STD or a bad sun burn for reality sake, well that's what they did to me, I'm sure of it.
Fucking gorilla loving spammers, I know too much.
Ask questions people and don't believe anything you read, well unless its on one of my blogs especially my news blog as that is Frank Fearless Free and incorruptible as my price hasn't been agreed on yet.
To answer the question asked by the convicted crackhead Rodney King "Why can't we all just get along?" well we can, all we have to do is kill all the trouble makers.
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