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Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Star-vation Salvation Salivation

I always got pissed off at Bob Geldoff after our money for Africa, what am I a cash machine? The people of the UK had millions gathered and sent within hours of hearing about the Asian tsunami, as nice as that is its not right that the governments of the world still years after haven't fulfilled their pledges............. old news.

I've heard a lot in the news about world wide famine and food shortages. You know me I cut through the hype and the bullshit and look at my watch and say, "must be time to scare the public again." We've done several pandemics that include flu and aids then theres terrorists, mad cows, birds with colds, cancer from mobile phones, coffee and not paying taxes, Global warming, Global ice-age, meteors, Commies, El Nino and you know what? I don't believe in most of it or give a shit.
If it happens then its the will of God so deal with it and go talk to him at a church if hes got the balls to show his face there.


That explains where the fuck my flying cars of the future are.

Growing corn for fuel what a fucked up idea nearly as stupid as those curly energy saving light bulbs that can cause migraines and contain enough mercury to be a health hazzard if they break.

Why do 3rd world cuntries want to grow corn and continue to grow the opium poppy? because its a better return for their money and less effort than growing food crops.
Even as the media focuses on little black babies with flies around their heads dying of hunger what are the real reasons for world hunger ?

There is an abundance of food in the world not scarcity. Enough food is available to provide at least 4.3 pounds of food per person a day worldwide­ enough to make most people fat.

The reason why they aren't getting their bellies full is because they are poor, even the so-called 'hungry countries' have enough food to feed their people but rather than feed the poor to which there is no profit they export it.

To be honest what do we know about hunger anyway? ever hear someone say, "I'm starving" because they haven't ate in 4 hours? or even "starving to death" that's like when they say they are "dying with a cold".

I haven't been hungry and without money for more food since my youth, it was scary but nothing like the desperation seen in refugee camps in Africa.



Typical Blogger, looks quite similar to me actually around the nipples. This lass has one hot sex blog.

You can blame nature for famine if you want it isn't going to take offense, food is always available for those who can afford it.

Many people live on the brink of starvation and a natural disaster only draws attention to their plight when they get pushed over the brink.
In cities across the world many homeless die from the cold every winter, is that the fault of the weather or society for not putting them into labour camps?



Don't worry folks we're winning the war or is it two wars?

Over population isn't a valid excuse either, sometimes I feel from the media that the world is full up on every possible space by people.

For every Bangladesh, a densely populated and a hungry country, we find a Nigeria, Brazil or Bolivia, where abundant food resources coexist with hunger.

In Europe the population is decreasing but they still have hunger as found out by all the immigrants even though food is still exported in a major way.

In many rapidly expanding countries like China or India you'll find the most hungry are weemen and children as they are less valued by the cultures itself especially girl children.

What the fuck is 'Free Trade' I'll tell ya what, that means poor countries can make money with exports and workers who work for less with little standards or choice. Send food to feed the livestock of richer cuntries while yers starves.

People will feed themselves if allowed to. Governments, large corporations and the World bank create obstacles that prevent them from doing so.

Do skinny dying Africans want to be on the BBC news choking on a cup full of watery rice while you sit in front of the telly having yer dinner?

The aid agencies struggle to feed the hungry now, the food shortages will finish many of them off that's for sure but will our fat bellies be effected? nope just our wallets as the price goes up, people will complain as they do the cost of cigarettes and petrol but they will still buy it and still get fat.

Third world hunger means a cheaper work force hungry to have yer job out-sourced to them, then buying cigarettes becomes a struggle and you can only drink once a week instead of twice.


It all comes doon to money and honest people in governments to distribute the food and make sure the local warlord doesn't just take it to feed his troops who are allegedly fighting for the people.


I never understood businesses that don't value or appreciate their workers and treat them like shit cos that builds up grievances and they make it their job to pay their wealthy bosses back instead of loyalty.

Its the same as countries chipping away at the poor and hoping they will just die instead of helping them help their selves which will then help the country.

Knowledge is power so education and training should be paramount and incentives to stay in yer community. Give hungry farmers plots of land to work and the ripple effect will grow from there.

Why is this cunt so fat? did a skinny person bite him as a child? do I see a food shortage in his future?

Reducing the importance of politics and religion is also a key, how much is spent on giant stadium churches or campaigns just to see which candidate from the same party at each others throats will go for president ? its just so ridiculous.

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Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I WANT MY MUMMY!

Well she is hot.

I recently covered the story of how a bloke in America cut the end of his finger off and was able to grow it back with the power scraped from pig's bladders on my news blog .
You might as well go and read the blog as its informative and yet fun with a hint of paprika.
Anyway real life mirrors art and I have *cut the end off my finger*, being a guy I can't remember how it happened, one minute I was swearing about Boris fucking Johnson at my door trying to score some drugs off me the next I notice blood all over the door handle then my finger, I shrugged and said "I don't know how I did it" now I have to type with my left hand Yank fuck you finger and making so many mistakes, yes more than usual its annoying as a liberal explaining why the death penalty is wrong because its not wrong you stupid cunts.


*Ok maybe I got a boo boo under my finger nail but still its sore, feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel my pain you plebs, it reminds me of the torture the Nazis nearly put me through before I told them everything and I mean everything.*


Monday, May 5, 2008

Eskimos Are Cunts!


I haven't been getting into the swing of blogging recently as real life events seem to be getting in my way. I have to organise a surprise birthday party pour moi, that's Greek 'for me' to all you uneducated types (my readers in other words) no doubt you all marked on yer calendars last year when I posted about my birthday in order that I get my presents and money orders on time so I don't have to tell you all when it is as for how old I am its none of yer fucking business and having left school at the tender age of 12 to pursue a career doon a coal mine or (doon pit) I can't count up to that number anyway.

All my Hollywood A-lister buddies and other celebs will be cumming to it, except for the ones that have work of course. I don't want to name drop but my guest list includes Tom Sizemore (depending on parole restrictions) Charlie Sheen, Gary Busey, Victor Mature (depending on the power of voodoo restrictions) Amy Winehoose is free to come to it, Tony Curtis of course, it wouldn't be a party without Tony, Eva Longoria will be there as I told her paparazzi will be there with their cameras, Kathleen Turner, Gwen Stefani (who won't be drinking) and Gavin her hubby. Cher will be there with her new body, his name is Jake. The Blairs since they don't have real jobs anymore Robbie Williams will get his fat arse over here from LA on Dave and Posh's jet, so just a small party really I don't even know why I mentioned it. Beyonce and Jay & C won't be there as they are still sore about me marrying them without a license but that's how I roll pimp lad.

Other good news, I put a pony doon on the nose of 'The rich widow' and won big, she had to be put doon afterwards but that's what so great about the sport of kings. My gut told me to bet a monkey but being Scottish I couldn't bear to part with it.

For mongs....... I put 25 quid on a long shot horse to win a race and won I wish I had bet 500.

Last year was shite so I "read" porn.

So this year I shall be attending the 12th July parades in Belfast. The parades in Killamory are just becoming too sectarian as we keep getting a nasty crowd of trouble makers in from Glasgow, and there was big trouble last year when they burned a Catholic effigy is that the right word? no I mean Catholic clergy that's it we burned a priest at the top of the fire, he was probably a pedo they all are. The peelers broke up the 11th night bonfires and traditional drinking and fighting so everyone was sober at the start of the 12th day just not the same and an 11th night just isn't the same if you don't see a guy running for his life across a car park being chased by 5 others, its like a sign of good luck for me like a shooting star or shooting a president.

I have travel arrangements to make, I'll be staying with Ellie and Manuel while I'm there, probably more with Ellie as she is a female and a cheap drunk and Manuel is having some work done according to his Blog, I think its lipo and a scrotal tuck besides have you read him? hes a cunt. I just need to find out their addresses and surprise them if anyone can help me that might be nice.


So busy busy busy and I have a voodoo sacrifice to make, it takes work to look this good you know.

I have been doing exercises to ward of old age, I do repetitions of lifting cans of beans, I saw it on the senior channel the other day but then I started getting a bit too buff and realised it was because my beans had them wee sausages in them.

I wonder if anyone has ever thought about marketing tins of beans for the older amateur athlete with rubberised labels and different weights with less sass and more beans, something to think about or you could just yap about the lack of tits in my post, why post tits when tits read my posts ? that's in the bible you know.


Sunday, May 4, 2008

I'm Crime's Worse Nightmare


I worked for "The Company" for many years doing things no one should ever be paid to do, I was Liz Taylor's sex toy for 5 years and Saddam's PR man for 10 before he thought he could go it alone and look where his career ended up. Tom Cruise call me, I could make you a star.

I tried to atone for past sins by offering, free of charge , my services as a troubleshooter , a protector, and an investigator. People in need found me through a newspaper ad: "Got a problem? Odds against you? Call the Stormbringer."

I dispensed justice upon hoodlums, rapists, racists, murderers, kidnappers, drug dealers, IT specialists, meme taggers and other truly deserving people.

When I didn't have to use violence I used my classically trained voice, I have after all appeared in 'Aye Claudius' and 'Omelet' as the Danish prince of Baconia also in the 80's I made a living putting on an English accent or a German one as they are very similar playing the villain in numerous movies like 'Die Tard' and the 'Star hoors' trilogy .

When faced with a street punk with a gun I would project at them, "PUT THE GUN DOWN ........................... NOW...............................DON'T BE A FOOL BILLY!"

That would rattle them somewhat for them to see the error of their ways and they would collapse in tears ready to be hand cuffed.
Or they would shoot my client 50/50 which is why I get paid up front, did I say earlier I didn't charge? well a donation is asked for as I am a pastor in the Universal Life Church and we do need a new roof .

Then all of a sudden everyone was doing that line of work, some cunt had a talking car another had a helicopter, one had a motorbike named Street hawk, some computer geek used the Interweb to call a cyber hero named 'Automan' and don't talk to me about the fucking A-team, how is an old guy in a cap (that wasn't cool and black and didn't talk) going to compete with that?

I said fuck atoning for past sins no one knows it was me anyway and I got a truck and a chimpanzee named 'Wolf' and set off to have adventures.
In 1989 I killed the head vampire and started an investigation agency called 'Daylighting' under the assumed name Gillette Steel but that's another tale of woe.


Saturday, May 3, 2008

Vampire Blogger


The Average age of an OBB reader is 38 the life expectancy of an OBB reader is reduced by 15 years 25 if they comment.


Makes you think huh? nah I didn't think so.


Invitation To Give Me Yer Money

Sex addiction is a demon Old Knudsen has battled for most of his life, in fact it probably directly led to the failure of 8 marriages and 34 relationships.
Some people just don't understand that you have an illness and therefore should be let off with any consequences, intolerant fuckers I say.

I also have a Fenian, Jew and Black fella phobia but people just denounce me as a racist, bigoted anti-Semite whats that about?

The reason I started this blog was to promote understanding of my conditions not just for me but for the others out there afflicted with these heart breaking maladies.

Being a licensed The rapist oh sorry that's a Freudian slip there I meant Therapist I started up a sex addiction rehab clinic in Killamory.

I invite you to cum and join, even if you aren't a sex addict having intercourse with the members may help you learn about this condition and give you something to think long and hard over .

If you have trouble sleeping and find yer tossing in bed all night and wake up all drained it may be because you have a load you want to get off, please cum and have one on one intercourse with me and I'll help you release yer burden.

If you can't cum you can have intercourse over the phone with me and in no time you'll be gagging for a group session with the other members.

My staff of highly experienced people have seen it all and are willing to bend over backwards and take out teeth to help you get what you need.

I am a big advocate of the 'too much' method. Cum in for a ridiculously high priced session and you'll be bombarded, blasted and rammed with more sex than you ever wanted so the last thing you'll want to do is have sex.

My Hollywood pals George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Gary Coleman, Gerard Butler, Jessicas Biel, Abla and Simpson, Megan Fox, Kate Beckinsale, Bosworth and Bush are willing to donate their time for yer final treatment.

If you can refuse sex with them then you are cured.

I may be a hater who loves too much but I am here for you. If you have said the words, "they meant nothing to me" or have lust in yer heart you need to raid yer life savings and join my clinic.

Cum now while the place is still clean-ish.


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Friday, May 2, 2008

The Bane Of The Work Place

Oh look a customer who needs help, now they all play chicken to see who will break first and go to help them.

Ever wonder why the cunts at work who skive off for tea and smoke breaks every 10 minutes or come into work late every day never get fired? It really bends my shite cos I've got that Protestant work ethic thing going on as opposed to the Catholic work ethic who think buggering young boys is a good days work or that Jewish work ethic who think that leveling a Palestine raghead toon because some wanker sent a bottle rocket into Israel is a job well done.
Here are some reasons why Johnny Smoke-Break never gets sacked.


1. The employee has a relationship with someone higher up.
Ha Ha the boss is my dad I could have you fired, or they are giving the president head to get a head. I knew this cunt who got in with the manager through the ghey sport of golf.

2. The boss relies on the employee.
When the boss relies on Sammy 12 Shites a day they overlook things that go wrong and blame it on other things beyond the employee's control.
Those bastards who blog from work then complain that I get them fired because of the dirty sick perverted pictures I post, its called work not blog, you know who you are.

3. The employee brings more value to the company than he or she costs.
The slacker may only appear slack but is a brilliant worker. They get their job done and waste yer time but hey their work is done and its perfect.

4. The boss thinks it could be worse.
When I worked at Frederick and sons of Inveraray. A distributor and retailer of paint and paint products. We had this guy called Jim who would steal everything and give his mates free orders, after he was fired we got this guy who was nicknamed 'The Moron' for fucks sake what a dopey shite and he was ginger, no redeeming qualities at all.

5. The boss is afraid of the employee.
You always have an office bitch that even the bosses pussy foot around. There was an office manager named Mona, fitting name cos all she did was yap and moan. She came in late everyday, left early and when the showroom was robbed she had 3 months paid leave to get over the trauma and didn't have to work the showroom (which she hated) again, no one else got leave. Not just the mouthy types but you also have to watch out for the ones that will sue you. A crap worker maybe but they know all the ins and outs of unfair dismissal.

6. The boss feels sorry for the employee.
Maybe the employee has family trouble, money problems or is supporting someone with bad health.

Manager about to fire an employee:
" I need to talk to you about the order that went to Aberdeen and yer job performance in general."

Employee: " I know I've not been too great over the last 2 years but with my parents dying, my wife getting a brain tumour the dog getting run over in front of the kids who are in therapy which costs a fortune and the mold found in my house that is haunted by poltergeists and having just getting over my pain medication addiction I'm just so grateful that you've been so understanding, you've been great and I hope I can make you proud of me with the faith you have put in me."

Manager about to cry: "well do yer best and try to pay a bit more attention I know its tough for you and um good luck now get back to work or is it time for yer doctors prescribed power nap?"

7. The boss doesn't want to go through the hiring process.
Reviewing applications, conducting interviews, checking references, and training new people. Just shout at the middle management more, life is such a chore when there is golf to be played. I had a boss who would rather have bad customer service and poor quality product than a high labour cost, they aren't in business anymore.


Typical orifice party or maybe its just knocking off time, nice bored expressions.

8. The employee knows something.
Blackmail from Christmas parties or as I do I'd hide stuff or information so when someone didn't know what to do or where something was I would appear indispensable when I solve the problem.

9. The employee has everybody fooled.
Sociopaths are everywhere or at least fit the Sociopathic profile. These employees are pathological liars who get away with doing little or no work. They charm senior management with their "leadership potential," con co-workers into covering for them, and successfully blame others for their mistakes. If you're the only one who sees what they're up to, you're in a tough spot. Sometimes it's the whistle-blower who gets fired, not the snake.
I can read people pretty well so I'm always finding these scum bags and it is difficult to out them, the trick is to shine a light on their activities and show others so therefore they are disarmed and can't fool anyone. I did it with my spammers and loyalties split doon the middle but its hardly my fault people want to see others in a nice light and refuse to believe they are lying cunts. Like husbands they balance their lies with a front of normality, they may abuse the wife in private and treat her like shit but the outside world only sees the nice person ready to help anyone. Most people on-line I don't even bother to read or profile as it gets boring playing the 'I'm fooling you game.'


10. He or she is not really a bad employee.
So what if a co-worker sometimes works from home, takes long lunches, or does something else you don't think is fair as long as their work gets done.
If you're not the supervisor, you're not personally affected, and the employee is not hurting anyone such as customers or co-workers, gurn up and stop stressing over what he or she does and focus instead on your own work.


 
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