All Yer Wants And Desires

If not then yer just a picky cunt

I was going to put up a post about the importance of fossil fuels and the only problem I have is that when you go to fill up yer coal bucket you end up with black snotters but then I remembered the whining, "too many words, where are the hotties?" or "post naked men pictures" so here it is, the ultimate post for all of you cunts that only want dirty pictures cos words hurt yer brains, maybe you lot should start blogs so you can post said pics, just an idea. I think I have covered all of my 3 reader's tastes if not and if you have any complains at the end of this I shall give up blogging, enjoy.

Don't call old Duncan here a pervert, hes just doing what you wish you had the guts to do, the man is sexually free.

Where would the world be without midget sex?

I never buy off vendors in the street, those fuckers never wash their hands. Do you think this lad's name is calvin? his ma must of wrote that on so he wouldn't lose them.

Here have some violence against Andre Agassi the tennis twat.

This is for all you insertionists out there. I remember when milk was delivered to yer door in bottles not up yer arse from a carton.

Something to get you Knudsenites out there warmed up.

For you multi-taskers, she has my admiration.

Amputee sex, did I mention that I only have one leg? once you have a one legged man you never go back.

For you Japophiles, they really do all look the same to me. Two nukes didn't do her any harm so gurn up.

A bit of Fenian cocksucking for MJ, you can imagine the old fella about to say, "remember that chap who used to run the bookies? what was that mans name? John? Jack? something 'J' anyway he was married to etc etc etc." until she says, "Da shut the fuck up." I told you they were Fenians.

For those a little unsure of themselves.

Cheerleaders, Hollywood has taught me to admire cheerleaders. "Goooooooooooooooooooo Hot-pants!"

Yer grandad before the stroke. He likes a nice stroke.

Those black fellas just want to spank our white weemen and then shove their huge cocks into them, its disgusting I tell you.

For you animal lovers, I won't say what sicko sent me this but it was one of you.

Spiderman Spiderman does whatever a spider can except spin webs as only females spin webs.

Don't worry folks its only CIA interrogation, its not torture because that would be wrong.

For those who like to pack a lunch, the egg and onion sandwiches went in a treat.

Ah fake hard Hollywood bodies, this is what we should all try to look like or so I'm told.

This looks more creepy than sexy, whats with the gloves and the mirror? does she understand mirrors?

Another picture for the ladies, Right said Fred on their cum back tour.

For the Fag-hags who like small packages.

For the minute men, they are in yer country doing the jobs twice as fast for half the money that you are too fat and lazy to do so whats yer problem? Put yerselves in their shoes.

Does this inflated crotch make me look ghey?

For those who like Gladiator films etc, "This is Sparta!"

Which White Trash Hoor Named Spears Is Pregnant Today?

Young dumb and full of cum, the two of them that is.

Jamie Lynn Spears the 16-year-old sister of former pop star Britney Spears is expecting a baby. The gurl is the star of the comedy series Zoey 101 , the show is set in a Californian boarding school for boys that has just recently started to accept gurls and hilarity ensues as does pregnancy it seems, its good to have siblings to look up too and follow in their footsteps, there has been rumours that Britney is again pregnant by some homeless guy she met on the beach one day.

The baby daddy for Jamie is her boyfriend 19 year-old Casey Aldridge.

In general I'm not for abortion but in this case I think it should be enforced. Aldridge is going to do the decent thing as he is a fine young man, he'll be releasing a sex tape in time for Christmas.

Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, a bloke can dangle a baby but it takes a man to be a dad.

Junior slut Spears is 12 weeks pregnant and told Celebrity magazine the news, she then went on to give her advice on premarital sex, no not technique she said that its better to wait, that advice coming from a pregnant 16 year old really means a lot. Are you with me on the forced abortion thing yet?

I've gone through a few pregnancies in my time and they are fucking gross. A true story, I was walking in the park with Cecilia my then wife who was 3 months pregnant and wasn't even showing yet, we met this gurl Jilly who had a thing for me as most weemen do.

We stopped and chatted and mentioned the pregnancy. Jilly who was ever so tactful looked Cecilia up and doon and said " I thought you were when I first saw you" Cecilia held her tongue and I permitted myself a good laugh only after we parted our ways.

Trust weemen to drag pregnancy out for nine months, I don't find pregnant weemen sexy at all I say look at the big belly on ya I'm off to look at some porn anyway I don't want to be sticking my lad in and scaring the baby and if I have sex with a pregnant woman that means I'm having sex with a child therefore I'd be a pedo.

Then theres the water breaking and you know that's going to happen at 4 am, if anyone is going to wet the bed its going to be me.

Too young and ghey to be my mates but you get the idea.

I'm not one to be doon the pub or outside the delivery room while my wife goes through the pains of labour, I'll bring my mates in and have a few beers while we wait for the wee fucker to pop out, don't worry its nothing my mates haven't seen pictures of before.

See? fucking gross, thats not mine its purple, I knew you and the artist formerly known as twat were at it.

Then doctor or midwife hacks through the perineum with a pair of scissors to get the baby out and the gloop and shit comes out along with the sprog, fucks sake I'm ready to lose my lunch by then, like I said fucking gross, thankfully God in his infinite wisdom has given man the attention span of a goldfish (see Marky for example) and we are ready for sex again as soon as we see those giant milk laden titties.

Weemen on the other hand don't forget and never let you live doon the pain and suffering they went through, yeah yeah I was in a Russian Gulag for 4 years don't talk to me about suffering, well ok I was one of the guards but Siberia can get fucking cold, thank fuck for Global warming I say.

Nowadays they don't even let you smoke yer celebratory cigars in the hospitals .

Former Disney child star with her son.

I don't know what the young gurls who become stars are about. Parties, rehab, getting knocked up, naked pictures and of course the obligatory eating disorders.

Men would stroke their thighs while watching the Olsen twins on TV and count doon the months until they reached 18 as if something magical was going to happen.

I'll tell you what happens, they go anorexic, chain smoke and get their brains fucked out in public instead of doing it in private as they have been doing for the last 3 years. Hilary Duff is also off the reservation, she was normal as a gurl, going on about body image and how important it is to look healthy and now shes an adult stick insect .

Lets hope Hanna Montana, Dora and Dakota Fanning learn from all of this, it used to be bad boys and now its train wreck gurls.

Dora You Fat Headed Cunt

From the episode 'Dora and the dirty Sanchez of shame.'

Its official I am pissed off. Its been building and building for the last 10 plus years and now I'm ready to kill.

The media which is controlled by Rupert? Robert? Murdoch? Maxwell? oh I can't keep my rich fuckers straight, anyway they are not only influencing the news (my news blog stands alone against evil like Great Britain did in 1940) but children's shows too.

As well as being a life counselor at the Ohmm well being clinic and manning the suicide hotline every other weekend I also have a creche for working parents, yep as long as you don't mention it they let sex offenders look after children, besides that gurl was 16 and at that age I was beheading the French for my country so hardly a child, silly laws.

I was watching Dora the bastarding Explorer while the kiddies sucked doon their milk and Whiskey to keep them quiet and I was disgusted at the message being given by the show.

They said that princess Diana was a fraud and a sham.

Dora's monkey "Boots" took an over dose or something and had passed out, Dora not being too smart and with her parents nowhere to be seen as usual decided she had to become a "true" princess to wake him, no not a doctor, a true princess.

To do this she had to get the red ring from the dragon (anal sex metaphor) the dragon ended up really being a prince and was set free which symbolises coming out of the closet. Then she had to go to the giant rocks ( ball sucking metaphor) and on to the magic kingdom (the sometimes elusive female orgasm metaphor) Princess Diana had not done any of this as our fair princess was a virgin when she died (her sons came from god like Jesus did, you believe that one right?) so they are saying that Diana was not a true princess, you fucking bastards I'll gut yous all like the cowardly fish you are and I'll slaughter yer families and anyone in their e-mail address books.

It seems to me, she lived her life, like a candle in the wind. What the fuck does that mean? she was hot and went out a lot? Princess Di really was lovely wasn't she, ach I swore I wouldn't cry.

Then there is that Osama Bin Laden buddy Mohamed al-Fayed , he has sullied her good name for years saying that Diana (or England's Rose) was an Arab fucker.

His son was her servant obviously. During the Empire all the toff officers had wogs as servants nothing odd there but Fayed says that this Dildo guy was her boyfriend? well even if she was engaging in anything sordid and hairy like that it wouldn't count, just like in biblical times when if a woman wasn't married (as Mary wasn't) she was still classed as a virgin.
Servants and wogs don't count as significant others they are just rough trade. I'm not being racist its just that they are inferior as the English are to the Scots, not racist just the way it is.

Everyone knows that Fayed is a camel jockey shop owning cunt who has accused our Royal family of alsorts of crazy things and why? to get more business for his shop 'Harolds' (I refuse to endorse that over priced shit hole with a real name) so the line must be drawn here.

Osama killed Diana, their secret Arab agent, Dildo grabbed the wheel of the car and rammed them into a stone pillar as those sand savages are prone to do, then the paramedics who had been infiltrated by Al Qaeda finished her off.

I ask you now, nay I command you (as I am a natural leader) to boycott Dora and Harolds and the middle east in general, no going on holiday there, go to Burma and buy a ruby. I hear theres a new strain of Ebola opening up in Africa that doesn't kill you so fast go see that, reviews of it are spreading like wildfire as it can't be contained so easily because they don't die right away.

If you want to know how the Dora story ended, Aslam the Lion king with the big deep porno voice made her feel like a princess then summoned the flying unicorns which she used to fly over the giant rocks , see? all about sex its disgusting. Boots was announced DOA at the hospital, as well as drugs in his system 2 pints of semen was found in his stomach.

Not The Thing You Ride To Work On

That's assuming I respond to comments, blame the depression if I don't. My new little baby my news Blog has just reached 1000 visitors which is good considering I haven't advertised it much. Its mostly people looking for news stories and get fooled into reading mine. I don't get many comments which is fine as its set up like a big impersonal news site, I did get anonymous telling me how childish I was and that I should go back to school. The laugh is on you anon as I'm not allowed to go 100 metres near a school.
The news Blog 'is' safe for work so go and subscribe to its feedburner for up to date out of date news. If you don't the terrorists will win .

Stop The Dreidel Abuse

The Scots have an unfair reputation for being tight fisted when it cums to money but those hooked nosed money lenders (as called by Jesus in the temple) otherwise known as Jews are far worse.
For Christmas they give their children little wooden spinning tops with squiggly writing on them called Dreidels.
During the war we gave the kids an orange and a pointed stick and they were grateful cos there was a war on but whats the excuse now?
Give the kids bloodly Tonka toys or my Little fucking pony, its Christmas.
My next campaign will be against Ramadan, why in the 21st century should people go hungry? even if it is just Muslims.

I See Smutty People

How much sap could Chuck Connors chuck is Chuck Connors could chuck sap?

The Scots Make Natural Heroes

War medals belonging to a Scottish sailor have sold for a record price at auction.
George MacKenzie Samson from Carnoustie in Angus was awarded medals including a Victoria Cross, for his bravery during World War One.

In 1915, during the Gallipoli landings, he helped (under fire) to rescue wounded men.

The medals were expected to go for £180,000 but were bought by Lord Ashcroft for £247,000. breaking the price record for a British sale.

Samson was shot about 19 times during the landing ,the leading the surgeon treating him didn't know whether he would pull through. However the doctor did know that whether he lived or died he had earned the VC.

The sailor died in 1923 after falling ill with double pneumonia during a voyage with the Merchant Navy, and was buried with full military honours on Bermuda. What a way for a hero to die.

Michael Naxton, who is the curator of Lord Ashcroft's Victoria Cross collection said:

"Lord Ashcroft is passionately interested in the Victoria Cross and the men who won it, and he regards the landings at Gallipoli in April 1915 has one of the most iconic events in modern British military history. "

"He has been determined for some years to try to gather as many of the Victoria Crosses that were won on that fateful day as he possibly can."

"He was really thrilled to hear the news that Samson's was coming up for sale."

"He is now able to put Samson's group of medals with five other Victoria Crosses all won on that same day."

Lord Ashcroft has plans to put his entire collection on public display in a custom built home, probably in London.
He hopes to have the museum open by 2010.

40 VC's were given for the Dardanelles Campaign or Gallipoli .

The Gallipoli landings were a fiasco, the Royal navy made a half hearted effort to shell Turkish forts and were even stingy about the amount of shells used, what started as just a naval campaign became an army one when the navy decided they didn't want to risk their ships on enemy mines.

Most of the supplies and ammo for the troops went to the bottom of the sea as they were under heavy fire from the Turks.

Also at that time the various branches of the British military used different weapons with different caliber rounds so if soldiers on the beach got some ammo they might not even be able to use it in their weapons as the wrong kind had been delivered.

Then there was British arrogance from the likes of Churchill and Kitchener that the Turks would run as soon as they saw a British Union Jack being waved.

Dysentery , extreme weather conditions and the solid defense from the Turks meant that nothing was gained.

100000 British, Australian and New Zealand troops had died before they decided to retreat.

To fool the Turks into thinking they were not leaving the Australian and New Zealand troops the anzacs would stay quiet for about an hour. Then the Turks would come out to see if they were still there and the troops would open fire on them.

They also came up with a system for self firing rifles that had water dripping into a pan with a string attached to the trigger.

The Turks got wind of a pull out and attacked but were driven back, the last British troops left in 1916.