Obligatory Romantic Post

Fuck I hate Valentine's day mostly because people are obliged to become dickheads for a day. I was out yesterday and was nearly getting run over by the sad desperate people with their last minute buying any over priced thing with a heart on it, so fucking original.

Why not get the woman of yer dreams a gym membership or a boob job ? or the man of yer dreams an air freshener to shove up his hole so when he farts at the dinner table and during sex the farts come out lemon scented.

I refuse to be told by Hallmark when to love people, that includes weemen, mothers, fathers and those lazy bastards known as grandparents. What about secretary day? what makes them so special? I spent 40 years man and boy digging fucking ditches and I never got no ditch digger's day.

No idea why I was digging ditches but I felt something bad would happen if I didn't, you'd call it OCD now but back then we called it fucked in the head.

There already are special days when you tell people you love them and maybe get a shag, they're called weekends and its usually after 10 or so pints (anything after 10 I'm in a fighting mood than shagging mood) I might buy you a pernod and blackcurrant (a leg opener) but I'm no buying ya a chocolate rose ya fat cow.

Which brings me on to my next subject besides fucking chocolate heart buying sheep fooled into the money making schemes of big business based on a dirty Pagan Roman orgy festival and dressed up by the Pope to make Prods look soppy.

When you buy a can of Spaghetti hoops or baked beans on the front they have a picture of the item and its a plate of the said food and then it has the audacity to print 'serving suggestion' how else are you going to fucking eat them? stuff each Spaghetti hoop or bean with avo fucking cado?

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Rock On Tommy.

I have finally acknowledged the 20th century and invested in some technology.

On this post I did the usual cop out, it was either this a YouTube or a MeMe.I put up my top ten favourite Aye pod tunes. I could of lied and went for the coolest and most pretentious songs I could think of just so my readers would think me all Daddy Cool as the kids call it but I think you're all a shower of cunts (interesting image) so deal with the real me, none of that mambo ya ya ya banjo music here. The first one is as sappy as I'm getting today so read this and fuck off.


1)Jim Reeves - I love you because.
Gentleman Jim a crooner from Texas, you see you never hear people being called crooners anymore, he died when the airplane he was flying crashed during a storm, its thought he got 'pilots vertigo' which sounds very bad especially for his passenger. The plane was flying upside doon and Reeves thought he was gaining height, well until he hit the ground that was.

2)Chris Yacich - I like bananas (because they have no bones)

3)The battlefield band - The Highlander's Farewell To Ireland, Farewell To Ireland, Put Me In The Big Chest.

4)Military band of the Forty-Eighth Highlanders - Scotland the brave.
You'd think me a Sassenach if I didn't have this one on it.

5) Freddie Bell and the Bellboys - Giddy-up-a-Ding-Dong.

6)Andy Cameron - Ally's Tartan Army
C'mon Archie Gemmill, 1978 world cup. If you missed his great goal against the bloody Dutch rent out Trainspotting.

7) Sarah Brightman and Hot Gossip - I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper.
Ah Hot Gossip, half naked dancers of the 80's, I hear half of them died due to inhaling too much smoke from the smoke machines, ah well, I came.


8)Harold Faltermeyer - Axel F
I start body popping everytime I play this one, last week in Tescos an ambulance was called as they thought I was having a seizure, stupid cunts, its my own style.


9) Fred Wedlock - Oldest Swinger in Town
When your feelin as stiff as a skin heads boot
rub on vick where u used to splash brute
and the latest punk fashion is your old weddin' suit
You're the oldest swinger in town

10) Keith 'n' Shane - Girl You Know It's True
Having felt let doon and cheated just like millions of others who bought Milli Vanilli records and dressed in tight black lycra cycle shorts that showed of packages in full glory (I was barred from drinking at the Legion while dressed like this. Is that what I fought the Japs at Normandy for?) I was glad when Keith and Shane the two ugly ones from that fine Irish group Boyz zone did a remake.