Island Blogging

I like to look around the places where my father came from so I was glad to find that BBC Scotland have a program of Bloggers who live on the islands around the Scottish shores. You can click on the various isles to see what people in the arse end of Scotland are doing and thing and from what I read not much.
Maybe I expect people to see the brighter side and always look for ways to take piss out of situations to brighten up an otherwise dull existence, oh not my existence I'm talking about all of yous.
One had a rat infestation, the ways I could of made that funny, and without profanity I mean it was the BBC.
Then there was someone who was listening to a program on BBC 4 radio about seed stores in Norway, fascinating I'm sure.
Some woman got a new pair of wellies, white ones with red flowers on them (I take her to be past middle age by the taste) which led to a follow up post about how one of them leaked, she must of jumped into the air with joy, "yay! a blog post, I'll call it 'TRAGEDY' I'll save the funny shaped stone one for later".
I know fuck all happens on these places and maybe the BBC have told them to be as boring as possible and show no real emotion or feelings, yeah post cat pictures and tell us how much their vet bills cost because that's brilliant .
They have the Internet so they're connected to the world, I want Hamish McBeth on the Isle of Shite to tell me what the solution to Iraq and pro life or pro choice for weemen because that would be bloody hilarious .

Mess With The Bull

Here is a picture that appeals to my sense of justice, one up for the Bulls I'd say, not only does he look like a cunt but now he has one.

The World Is An Ugly Place Now That Such Beauty Has Passed On.

In younger days, as you can see she was a real cracker, who needs Brad and Angie when you've got blow job lips like these?

Not exactly the fast and exciting world of competitive dying that I've been following since the start of this Blog but worth a mention. Ada Mason, Britain's oldest woman, has died aged 111. She was from West Yorkshire so this is probably the most exciting thing to happen there since Bertie Tadshaw the serial sheep rapist was on the loose.

Ada died in her sleep last Friday and yes they did save the baby thankgod.
She put her long life doon to eating bread and dripping with salt every day, masturbating 8 times daily and numerous orgies with 'vigorous' Bavarian peasants .

Having hunted the greatest prey itself.............. man, I do know what Bavarians look like, this is her granddaughter with several other family members at their Yorkshire Nazi Weemen's Club meeting every Tuesday at the townhall, it would be polite to bring some buns or scones if you do go.


Her 72 year old granddaughter who looked a little Bavarian if you ask me said,"She had a hard life,long and hard, but she was always really cheerful and never moaned like some women. She was always pleased to see people and ready for a chat. "She was perfectly all right until a month ago -- singing hymns, chatting and fondling her French Poodle Mr Nudge."

Ada Mason, born in 1895 in Chesterfield, Derbyshire remembered the sinking of the Titantic when she was 16 as well as the funeral of Queen Victoria.
She left school when she was 13 and on the rebound from Old Knudsen who couldn't love someone with such a flat arse she married miner John Mason in 1914, he died in 1962 after years of trying to live up to Old Knudsen who is quite the ninja in the sack .

Mason lived on her own until she was 110, before going into a nursing home. The centenarian, who outlived all her five children, will be buried at St Margaret's Church in North Elmsall later this week.

Six generations of the family are expected to attend, including her 12 grandchildren.

Old Knudsen couldn't be arsed going as he could barely remember her though he did comment this,"111 c'mon Britain that's not old enough for the record, the Japs are laughing at us, either get older or nuke them again, they really don't like that you know.

Rock On Tommy.

I have finally acknowledged the 20th century and invested in some technology.

On this post I did the usual cop out, it was either this a YouTube or a MeMe.I put up my top ten favourite Aye pod tunes. I could of lied and went for the coolest and most pretentious songs I could think of just so my readers would think me all Daddy Cool as the kids call it but I think you're all a shower of cunts (interesting image) so deal with the real me, none of that mambo ya ya ya banjo music here. The first one is as sappy as I'm getting today so read this and fuck off.


1)Jim Reeves - I love you because.
Gentleman Jim a crooner from Texas, you see you never hear people being called crooners anymore, he died when the airplane he was flying crashed during a storm, its thought he got 'pilots vertigo' which sounds very bad especially for his passenger. The plane was flying upside doon and Reeves thought he was gaining height, well until he hit the ground that was.

2)Chris Yacich - I like bananas (because they have no bones)

3)The battlefield band - The Highlander's Farewell To Ireland, Farewell To Ireland, Put Me In The Big Chest.

4)Military band of the Forty-Eighth Highlanders - Scotland the brave.
You'd think me a Sassenach if I didn't have this one on it.

5) Freddie Bell and the Bellboys - Giddy-up-a-Ding-Dong.

6)Andy Cameron - Ally's Tartan Army
C'mon Archie Gemmill, 1978 world cup. If you missed his great goal against the bloody Dutch rent out Trainspotting.

7) Sarah Brightman and Hot Gossip - I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper.
Ah Hot Gossip, half naked dancers of the 80's, I hear half of them died due to inhaling too much smoke from the smoke machines, ah well, I came.


8)Harold Faltermeyer - Axel F
I start body popping everytime I play this one, last week in Tescos an ambulance was called as they thought I was having a seizure, stupid cunts, its my own style.


9) Fred Wedlock - Oldest Swinger in Town
When your feelin as stiff as a skin heads boot
rub on vick where u used to splash brute
and the latest punk fashion is your old weddin' suit
You're the oldest swinger in town

10) Keith 'n' Shane - Girl You Know It's True
Having felt let doon and cheated just like millions of others who bought Milli Vanilli records and dressed in tight black lycra cycle shorts that showed of packages in full glory (I was barred from drinking at the Legion while dressed like this. Is that what I fought the Japs at Normandy for?) I was glad when Keith and Shane the two ugly ones from that fine Irish group Boyz zone did a remake.

To Bug Or To Bugger? That Is The Question.

I had to go to the Doctors yesterday as I had a painful big boil on me back that I couldn't reach to pop.
I was sitting in the waiting room and over by the kids play area there was a TV with a film showing on it, so I went over and sat in the best seat available to watch it as it was in the corner up near the ceiling , it was one of them Disney pixar movies, I have before declared Disney to be whore masters trying to mold little gurls into being brainless beings whose sole aim in life is to find their prince and marry him. The Pixar films aren't too bad though, I had to tell some of the kids running around to "shut the fuck up and be quiet" kids today will cry at the drop of a hat have ya noticed that?
The film was called 'Its a bug's life' , now I like some realism with my films, talking animated insects or not they had better get it right , kids watch this and they're stupid enough, have you ever tried to have a conversation with a 4 year old? fucking idiots they are.

The only good bug is a dead bug.

So these Ants were running around to collect food to appease a big tough gang of Grasshoppers who would fuck them up if they didn't and they send out this ant named Flik to find warrior bugs to fight them , ripping off The Magnificent Seven who ripped off The Seven Samurai.
I'm no Entomologist no really I'm not but this guy Flik should have been a gurl, all Ants are female, a few males are grown to breed with but as soon as they bump uglies they only have enough time to ask "did you come?" to which the female being a right fucker says, "no but it was very nice" and then he dies.
Ants have 6 legs not 4 as the film suggested, why weren't all these different bugs eating each other? they seemed to only eat seeds and berries.
I liked the fact they made the Lady Bird, or Lady Bug to you Yanks a guy who had issues about being mistaken for a female because he was a Lady Bird, did you know those cute little Lady Birds are cannibals? not so cute now are they?

Not at all cute, I liked the original shape more.

The children's rhyme "Lady Bird Lady Bird fly away home" was included but they didn't finish it "yer house is on fire and yer children alone" a lovely rhyme to be sure, shows you what kind of parents Lady Birds are.
A fly mentioned that he only had 24 hours to live, I've heard that before so how come I get flies that live in my hoose for days then? those wee shites they annoy you by landing on you or yer food and when you grab a newspaper and roll it up they vanish, only to reappear when you've let yer guard doon.
Its amazing to think that flies have been annoying humans ever since we were battling dinosaurs 5,000 years ago.
It was a good film if you can get past some of these issues, I was able to watch it, have it rewind and get through half of it before I was called, then I must of got the worse Doctor ever, some brown chappie that took an instant dislike to me immediately I have no idea why anyone would. This quack took one look at my back and said it was a pimple. I said you stupid bugger you don't pimples at my age I want a second opinion so then he said "you're ugly too".

Top 'O' The Mornin.

Some of my cuntrymen who want to bridge the North/South divide.

I would just like to thank all the people that voted for me because if there wasn't readers then there wouldn't be Blogs. I accept these awards graciously and will set them beside the pictures of the Queen and the Reverend Ian Paisley . Oh sorry just practicing. It seems some kind soul entered me into the Irish Blog Awards, if you read the about me on the right you can see that I obviously qualify though I'm no Bog trotter. I wish all my fellow Bloggers the best of luck but if you want to forgo luck for excellence and quality you can use the links to vote for me below .

Irish Blog Awards


Here's what I'm nominated for, and the categories.Best Blog Post -- Old Bitter Balls, Keeling Time http://oldbitterballs.blogspot.com/2006/10/keeling-time.html

Most Humorous Post -- Old Bitter Balls, Or Was This Just A Dream? http://oldbitterballs.blogspot.com/2006/09/or-was-this-just-dream.html

No pressure to vote for me but if you don't I'll chase ya doon and cut ya.

Level 5 Contaminant

So happy looking, well except for that big lardy sad sack at the front, gurn up you're fantastic, it says so on yer shirt.

Years ago I was a wealthy philanthropist and possibly a bit of a philanderer who loved philosophy,philology,philately, Phil Collins and phlegm, yes in that order.
That was back in the time when if you said that someone was special you had better be wearing clean gunties and had washed all the stains and various discharges off yer knob in the last week as you my son were about to get yer hole. Now when you say someone is special it implies they are at a level of understanding and education reserved for window lickers and those who bang on fish tanks to make the fish move and drive a SUV, the later being those fuckers that take up the whole road and think they own it and only fill it up with petrol to show off that they can afford to do so, under no circumstances key these vehicles, egg them or spray paint onto them "DIE YOU PLANET KILLING HOOR" as that would be bad and I'd have the peelers around at me door asking what I've been up too, Interpol have a file on me, all a big misunderstanding I'm sure.

Back in the day instead of mong or tard we would affectionately call Joeys and stupid people alike Spastics and anyone with a dark skin was a Pakkie, simpler times, we'd cheer as John Wayne ethnically cleansed the west with his Winchester rifle and his funny limp wristed walk and hanging criminals (when we weren't sending them to Australia) was a popular event to take the kiddies to.

I invested my money in paint, Asbestos and was a major supplier of lead in the cuntry, you know for swimming pools, church roofs and general plumbing needs. I didn't need to turn lead into gold it was like gold back then, those were the days.

Now don't go thinking I have anything against retards, my 7th wife Fanny from Cornwall spewed me out two of them, very useful wee fuckers I gave them the run of my garden to keep away intruders, one was a biter the other was more of a drooler, I had big hopes for him.
I have funded many an institute for the spastically inclined but then I started to get too big and important and my enemies got uncomfortable and made up all these silly health rules about lead pipes and paint with the sole porpoise to ruin me, fucking sharks the lot of them, they circled around me and none of my so-called chums would help me, I was gutted.

Now who is having impure thoughts about a tard? you lot disgust me.

I had to close doon all my institutes, including a college that never actually turned out any high achievers for some reason. I was almost destitute as I was doon to my last few millions so I invested in the Whale fishing industry which they also tried to close doon and I set up a factory to make flame retardant flags to sell to the middle east , God bless those crazy Jews for always starting all the wars . The paint factory went up in flames, strangely enough no one was ever charged (fucking Masons no doubt)

I was able to process and sell my homeless mongs to Oxfam and Save the Children to feed to the Africans who are constantly hungry so my son did make something out of himself.
I don't live in the style I'm accustomed too anymore, theres just no profit in helping people unless it was a front for criminal activities but you didn't hear me say that.
I just want to tell you that I think you're all so very special.

Now who is having impure thoughts about a tard? you lot disgust me.

I'm not actually sure if Fanny was married to me in a legal sense of the word as I don't like paper trails, she ended up working in the Clean room industry last time I heard about her, no not the pollutant free work environments I mean she was cleaner.
Ugly as sin and not an ounce of sense but she had a great arse.