Don't Shoot Till You See The Whites Of Their Eyes

Pamplona has the running of the bulls, Crotcharea has the running of the blacks, some Mexican got stabbed by a darkie and I wasn't hanging around.

First observation about Callyfornia of the 21st century. No flying cars, blonde surfers or hot chicks in thongs and to confuse things more thongs are flip flops, what the fuck people?

I know English isn't the countrie's national language but really the Australians can do it and they are all alcoholics (I like Aussies) I'm no where near the beach of course so that explains the lack of hot beach bunnies but I at least expected hot cheerleaders and car chases I'm see the films I know what goes on.

I got an idea how General Custer felt at the Little Big Horn which was a battle not a vibrator though MJ may tell you otherwise.

You all know me I have nothing but love in my heart for my fellow man and lust in my groin for my fellow woman but where are all the white people?

I borrowed Buddy's mobile phone and put the Gestapo er I mean Homeland security on speedy dial. " Hello Homeland security, I've got two shifty brown guys speaking some weird language, its probably Arabic, do you want me to tackle them or will you send someone round?" ................ " Hello Homeland security, yes its me again, I see this brown woman speaking a strange language possibly Arabic no wait don't hang up, she is pushing a stroller with a blue fleece blanket covering it so it could be a bomb, no I don't know what targets there are in Rancho Crotcharea that Al Qaeda might be interested in but I'd guess if you call a shop 'Target' then yer just asking for it, hello are you still there?"

I got Buddy lifted by the peelers and his phone number blocked by Homeland security.

Now do you call them Hispanic, Mexicans or latins? I'm fucked if I know all dagos to me, with foreigners I need know no other language than English , I throw in the odd French word I know but usually I just speak LOUDLY and SLOWLY with a hint of DISDAIN and SUPERIORITY and they get the message, the latins avoid me for the most but the blacks act like I just pissed on their good rug, when they aren't speaking the hebe shebe ebonic crap they can communicate quite well.

White people are stunned as soon as I open my mouth and stare blankly at me not understanding a word, some get over it and rattle on about Ireland and how their grandfather was full-blooded Irish who owned his own potato. When I tell them I'm no Irish its like I just shot their dog.

Never try to explain England, Scotland and Wales as being English, Scottish and Welsh and also British and certainly do not try to explain Northern Ireland politics to an American, you'll get the blank stare and then they will start talking about Ireland again as if you never said anything.

I'm only Irish for Blog awards, free drinks and if it gets me my hole, other than that then I'm an Orange Oppressor and proud of it.

Asians I have no problem with as I have ordered many a gravy chip from a Chinese takeaway, in fact tonight while I dined at a certain Scottish place which you would have thought it would be better since it came from the States I got the eye from an Asian woman who spent 10 minutes yelling in her phone and being yelled at from the other end, mobile phones are now like walkie talkies so everyone can enjoy both sides of the loud conversation .

This woman looked at me 6 times, I get that a lot, I break through the language and race barrier with love.

Its fucking hot over here, its not dignified to wear shorts as that's for wee boys so I'm sweating like a hoor saving up for Christmas but I refuse to let the American sun beat me and my cap is staying on, I do miss the Killamory sun for that shone with light directly from Heaven.

Everything is bigger over here, the cars, the roads, the distances, the level of retardation and of course the waist lines.

Now I like a woman with a bit of meat on her bones but when even me with my huge penis can't reach the vadge due to fat then they miss out on their multiple orgasms and my legend is damaged, I still cum of course, "any port in a storm" as we fishermen say.

I was in Wal-Mart and this fat fucker on a power scooter nearly ran me over, I revved up my shopping trolley and ran the bastard off the aisle and into the energy saving light bulbs, 'bio hazzard on aisle seven' Old Knudsen isn't too lazy to walk I got out before the mercury in those things got me.

So anyway Buddy said he was going to take me to a 'head shop' I know Yanks call toilets the head and the Monkees had an LP called 'Head' but really I'm at a loss, unless its a place where you can go and get some head now that would be great. America may just be the second greatest cuntry in the world if that is the case.

Latest OBB News Up-Dates