If The SS Cum Looking For Me I Died

Listen up bitches aight! I just got back from Washington, it took longer than I thought. Did you know there was two? one is a state and one is a DC which stands for 'Da Capitol' . Anyway it was fucking cold there which is why I have me polar bears furs on and also to raise awareness of the effect Global warming might have on the Polar bears and their environment if Global warming actually existed.
After getting my man Obama the preez job he wanted me around to run interference and to protect his long gangly ass.


Within moments of taking the stage a shot from a high powered rifle broke the joy and Obama fell ded at Bushes feet. Bush stifled a giggle but could not hide his huge erection.


Luckily it was the French lookalike that was killed as I had used him to flush Cheny out. One less Frog, yes I do expect a medal.


I killed Cheny the only way I knew how to ..................... with death!

Maybe not , the big O didn't want anymore deaths so I knee capped the cunt.

Obama and I had a good laugh over it and he thanked me for covering his back yet again.


Then Obama went on to make the most important speech of our lunchtime, " My fellow African Americans and other Americans. I had a dream! there was a train and a tunnel and I was nailin Palin from behind as she screamed 'You betcha you betcha' then this midget came in a sucked on my balls as I thrusted but thats not important. The important thing is that we all do our best, if you sweep floors for a living or if yer a hooker then be the best one you can. Only by surrounding myself with Clinton's people and you all working like slaves er I mean like crackers will this country stop sucking so much.
We may be obese, we may be stoopid but we is Americans and as Americans we should be in charge because we be so big aight?
Ask not what yer country can do for you demand yer country do it because we are going self-entitlementism instead of Capitalism which is like socialism but won't scare dumb folk with the name. You demand health care, you demand bailouts, you demand rescue from hurricanes because as Capitalists you deserve nothing from the government, they don't have to save yer sorry fat ass but as Self-entitlementists you should get it....... within 6 - 30 working days.


Obama then to roaring crowds bit into his first babies head as only a president can do. Muzzletoff!

Some silly bint read a crap poem, Tina Turner sang a crap song and Ted Kennedy fell doon drunk again, when Ted drinks the secretaries stay away from him. We all winked and nudged each other, "Ah that must be the old tumor then, poor fella."

The good news is that even with my past record with Bush I still get to keep my job as a government think tank. I shall do my best. What do the American people want .... free pens? What will stop the world hating America so much .... nuclear holocaust? I have some thinking to do, well I get paid whether my ideas are accepted or not.

When people ask me 'Where where you when Obama took the oath?' I'll reply "Takin yer Ma."


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Week-End Plans

I'm not up to much this weekend, I may only have one foot but its a pain reaching doon as I get dizzy so I may have let my nails go a bit. I'll pamper meself and let my grandson Gavin clip them, I do like to spoil the lad.

Then I'm splashing out to watch a cage match between two of nature most fearsome animals. Bears maybe so cuddly looking but since losing my leg to the Great White Panda I no longer try to rub their bellies or anything else .

I wonder who will win, it looks pretty even to me. Next week a Koala meets up with a Grizzly.

Did ya hear about the Australian couple who fought off a croc? Norm Pethrick came to the rescue when a crocodile got his wife Wendy . Norm who was a big Tarzan fan jumped on its back and stuck his fingers in its eyes until it let go.

Maybe he thinks shes hot or maybe she still gives head even after being married or cooks well but you wouldn't catch me jumping into no water with a croc in it.

My 5th wife (god rest her soul) got ate by a boa constrictor. I tried my best to save her by bravely running in zig zags and playing dead all to no effect. I think the flash on my camera bothered it a bit though so I got a small victory. Funny how that snake turned up in our hoose like that.

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Looking Back And A New Beginning

My first post of the new year, yep 2008. I'm going to make this an inspirational post full of hope, love and the promise of a better tomorrow today, assuming today is fine with you, if not can you pencil me in for later in the week? afternoon please as I don't do mornings.

It is written in the Bible (somewhere at the back) "And so'th the lamb shall lay doon in the mint sauce and the polar bear will share a Coca Cola with the wolf and peace shall reign doon for a thousand years."

The translation from Aramaic is a little dodgy and it might have been "And piss shall rain doon ."

If George and Mahmoud can be friends then why can't I be friends with all the horrible cunts that read me not to mention who spammed me for over two months this year. I shall visit yer blogs more often and pretend to like you all in the coming year............................................this may be a total lie.

This year has had its ups and doons, its ins and outs, its ramming and thrusting. I've done things that I'm not proud of.

Yer Ma being one of them but I did her just so I could do a post about it.

I recently won the Palitzer Prize for my news blog, I still haven't got my cunting prize money yet but I hear its the honour that counts.

It was sad when the Grinch went ape shit and shot up that town, that sad young Grinch had some serious Christmas issues.

While there are weemen like this one I have hope for the world and my wank bank. I do wish she would tuck in her underwear, is that sexy? yeah as sexy as those low rider jeans, got a bad looking arse then make it look worse.

Ah fuck it and fuck you, another year full of the same old shite, tits, arse and midget sex. Those who have wronged me last year I hope you die in a fire and those who will wrong me this year I hope you get mauled by a tiger on yer birthday.

Al Qaeda and Global warming are getting together for a super group and we are all fucked. Didn't I tell you about Bhutto? no Taliban or Al Qaeda cunt is taking responsibility for it, even the IRA are keeping quiet, how stupid do you have to be? The 140 who died by suicide bomber when Bhutto first turned up in Pakistan wasn't even investigated.

Musharraf did it. People say oh Bhutto would have let US troops come into Pakistan and that worried the Taliban, the fuck it would, as if the Ragheads are afraid of the US troops, that would of helped their cause. Musharraf had the most to lose as Bhutto had a chance of winning the election.

In 1979 the Queen's cousin Lord Mountbatten who was in charge of the Burma campaign or the forgotten war of world war II was blown up on his boat by the IRA while on holiday off the coast of Donegal. It turns out that Mountbatten was all for the unity of Ireland, have a huge helping of irony why don't ya.

Dr Who with Colin Baker and his assistant Peri as played by Nicola Bryant. Ah those were the days. She was English but put on a fake Yank accent to play an 18 year old student. Large breasts that bounced with grace as she ran from the aliens she even appeared in a bikini and you could see the odd nipple poke through her clothing now and then, yes I am still very much in love with her.

For some reason there has been a lot of UFO sightings over Wales, many by Airline pilots, two or three a week in fact. I see a connection that Dr Who is now being made by BBC Wales other than that all I can tell you to do is, "watch the skies."

Well um happy new year I suppose and don't let yer posts get away from you like I do, I make genius look easy but it isn't.

It is actually very easy now go to my news blog or I'll glass ya.

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