I've had yet another major life change. So many like divorce, jobs, prison, rehab or death that have turned my world upside doon but I've always weathered the storm as a fisherman would, unless you watch that shite film 'The perfect storm' I would have gotten my boat back.
I've remarried or killed my exes, got new jobs, did my 4 years in the Guglag, checked out of rehab cos those fuckers don't know what they are talking about and when I've died I've always cum back, just like Jesus but I don't get mistaken for a hooked nosed money lending Jew. No offense to any deity killers reading me.
Somehow the dept of health and social services or the dhSS, have mistakenly been sending me the benefits belonging to Stig the crusty hippy that died while staging a protest up the tree in my back garden and some Welsh backpacker.
They had the nerve to say I was fraudulent but it was the beans not me. I may have gone doon and signed various names a few times, what do I know I'm a confused old man?
So anyway the fuckers are on to me and now they are looking in my direction for other people who have gone missing, what you are surprised? I'm a fucking arms and kidney dealer I've made no secret of that fact get over it, I'm not perfect and I doubt that you are perfect, well except for
Bittersweet me, have you seen her HNT ?
I've done some work on my cottage in Killamory and rented it out to a nice young gullible couple and told them if they did any garden work like digging I'd evict them .
I cashed in some Nazi gold and looked into going to a 3rd world cuntry that had a poor economy and a good exchange rate for me to exploit .
Zimbabwe was my first choice but it seems they have a problem with white Brits buying land and the place is full of nig-nogs, no offense to the coloureds that read me but if wasn't for them being so lazy I'd still have my plantation.
Then I thought about a cuntry similar to Zimbabwe but more of a 'melting pot' of racial harmony and equality. I chose America as its obviously full of religious white people because that's who went over right? I'm being persecuted just like the Puritans were so they should understand.
I could of went over on the Mayflower but giving beads to the Indians to see their tits and buy their land and then killing them seemed too much like work.
Be honest about things and just go in there and kill them, that's why Iraq is fucked up, just admit you're an colonial invasion force for fucks sake.
I e-mailed my American contacts as their phone numbers no longer worked but most of my e-mails came back and some message about them being possessed by a demon mail server or something I shall pray for them.
One of my peeps came up trumps, an old friend of mine named 'Buddy' we served back in the day with 'The Company' but he got burned out and on the edge and retired from the world, a bit fucking nuts in other words.
I'm going to live with him in California where fruit grows on every tree and you need never go hungry because you can just reach up and help yerself, the streets aren't paved with gold, I'm not stupid you know, its silver they use for the streets only the letter boxes are gold.
The weather is always nice and sunny and the weemen are easy.
Buddy lives on a street full of horny widow weemen and I get to live my own place at the back beside the garage, its own bathroom and the garage is set up as a dismemberment room er I mean a workshop, I shall use it as a base to conquer the dirty vadges of America.
Rancho Crotcharea is the name of the town, pronounced (Crotch' a ' ria) its Spanish or Mexican or something. I'm looking forward to my new life.
Update
Ten hours on a plane stuck beside a hot woman flirting with me is no fun, for fucks sake I'm more than just a piece of meat. I sure hope the rest of the yank weemen aren't like this as it is very draining, at least I know why they are called yanks (all wankers) me knob is raw.
British Airways touched doon early in LAX in Lost Angeles which is good as I got hassled by security because of my manly vibe or maybe it was because I said my bum was itchy and they thought I said bomb no one speaks fucking English here.
I got my luggage and waited in line with my passport at the ready then I got to a big fat Filipino bloke who asked me how long I was staying for.
I stared him in the eyes and said 'SG19' he knew what this meant and looked nervous and then said, " Welcome to America Mr Blackthorn" and handed my passport back to me.
If you know LAX at all you know all international passengers go through a cleansing chamber in which they are sprayed with a sanitising solution.
This is actually a nerve gas named 'agent tangerine' that is used in the water in America which makes it undrinkable but as Haliburton sells bottled water under a different name thats fine.
The nerve gas gets rid of yer commonsense and over inflates yer self esteem and arrogance making you more American, the government also sprays chemtrails from aeroplanes across the cuntry too.
Being an ex company man I've been inoculated. I do feel sorry for the US Marines as they are given double the recommended doses.
I sauntered to the arrivals area and no sign of Buddy, he'd be late for his own funeral so I sat and waited, it looked like all Asians worked there so I checked to make sure it was definitely America as that's the same way I ended up in that fucking Guglag, those Slavs all look the same to me, no offense to my dirty Slavic readers.
Old Knudsen has left his beloved Killamory to live amongst the fat heathens if he had a soul it would surely be in jeopardy.
I just wanted to tell you about an excuse for phoning in sick a guy I worked with once used. His sister was probably the inspiration for "don't run with scissors" and "you'll put yer eye out" because once when they were kids she chased him with a pair of scissors and did indeed put his eye out.
Knowing I was incontinent of North America a Blogger who shall remain nameless rushed over to have her wicked way with me.
Look whats doon the road from me, those fucking Slavs are everywhere.
As the wise man once said ca ca ca ca changes, yes he had a stutter.