I Say Can You See?

Welcome to my celebration of the American way, blah words and odd pictures but very American.


Its been a funny old week and I've been all over the place. I went to Mongolia to stir up some anti-communist feelings as the Mongs have had it too easy for too long, Genghis Khan, Genghis Khan, Ghenghis Khan let me rock you let me rock you Genghis Khan wouldn't have put up with the commies oh no, he was a right cunt who killed anyone taller than a wagon wheel axle so he wouldn't have enemies in the future, now that's the way how to do war.

All the men go to war leaving fat arseholes doing gang signs to get the hot weemen.

Then I went to Columbia and freed some hostages from the FARC, I just did that for the comedy value of saying FARC a lot, I'd say, "FARC! two boiled eggs" and yes I would laugh every time I said it because I'm a simple soul as I said to old Harold Truman, "better out than in" and then I told him what Genghis Khan would do to the Japs if he had his way.

The land of good taste.

Its the 4th of July and you know what happened on the 4th of July 1776? Congress approved the wording of the Declaration on Independence and sent it off to the printers, it never got printed because me being an agent of the British and thoroughly pissed off that the Yanks only won because of the French helping them mis-placed it sort of.
Well I really wiped me arse on it in support of the niggers and the wee weemen who in no had their independence, I was a sort of human rights activist back then before deciding that people are cunts.

You don't look at the clock on the mantle when yer stoking the fire.

The Highland Catholics tried to use the French to defeat the British in fact those French bastards have always been trying to thwart our plans for world domination all the while trying it on themselves, just look at the yappy frogs in Quebec, suck it up Frenchies yer now Canadian and British bitch by default.

If I was married to Posh spice I'd be checking out what real weemen looked like too.

To any French readers of my blog fuck off you cheese eating surrender monkeys the only French thing I like is the fries and maybe some of the less hairy and washed weemen.

Still Americans just keep breeding.

I learned some conversational French when I worked there as a back bone inserter just after the war but I was fucked if I was going to do that ghey accent, if you don't want to say a 'T' at the end of a word then why the fuck do you spell it like that?
I can't remember half of that crap now, Spanish is another ghey sounding language and when someone says something to me in that dirty lingo I have to get through my automatic French response first so now I just don't talk to brown people unless they are hot.

Remember when America was cool?

Happy 4th of July you Yanks and I hope you are happy with yer taxation with representation, how did that work out for you? what a fine state the place is in with 45 million people without healthcare complaining about the government thinking yer vote counts as the schools get dumber and the petrol and food gets more expensive.

Americans want to see this ugly fucker shagging weemen, how ghey is that?

Good for you lot, spend money on fireworks because its unpatriotic not too and its not like Al Gore has said they are bad for the environment. No hard feelings about beating us either we British love you even if the rest of the world hates you, yer like a big retarded cousin to us similar but just not right in the head.


The only cuntry in which you can get season tickets for rehab and group discounts.

Ah children are our future. Miley Virus or Hannah Lantana the perfect example of American youth. I foresee pregnancy, rehab and more slutty pictures, you know the usual.

I just had to end it with Springsteen doing his sex face. He'll never make it big unless he starts to sound more like Pearl Jam like all the other groups.

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Tear Squeeze Toss

If only it was that simple.


A new month, time to get more classy.

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Cast Aside

I used my chest hair as floss and braided my pubes into ropes.

In the 70's I was a terrible young man getting into all manner of trouble, my father thought it was best that I went to sea for a while until all the babies were born and everything had calmed doon.

It was late in the year when I signed on to the 'Slocum' under Captain Dampier a cruel and idiotic man who liked to dine on rum and cold vomit mopped up with bread.

It was a trading ship bringing bibles to the heathens of South America and weapons to the European logging companies so I felt as if I was doing the Lard's work.

It was a sad and oppressive ship and my only friend was Dick, the bulimic cabin boy. The captain thought my friendship with Dick was unhealthy and so left me on an island alone with scant supplies.

On the beach as night fell I shivered with cold and fear as I could hear all manner of ungodly creatures inland howling and hooting and calling out names like " Beelzebub" and "Shake 'n' Vac" so I stayed close to a cave and talked to a tennis ball I had named 'Dunlop' he was a right cunt and kept trying to fiddle with me as I slept.

Soon the beach was full of Sea lions fornicating which isn't as sexy as you'd think so I headed in land.

It wasn't so bad I was able to make a hut complete with bay windows and a nice wee breakfast nook. My main meal was goats who I would eat after a week of dating. I was a young man and soon grew tired of their possessiveness and didn't really want to commit.

There were rats on the island who would attack me as I slept and so I tamed a couple of feral cats, 'Miss Sassy Lashes' and 'Eartha Kitty'.

I lived off wild turnips and cabbages along with the goat meat and milk, ach the gas was awful but it kept the mosquitos away, and the rats oh and me cats.

I had one book with me, The Holy Bible, fuck me I wish I had brought something readable a nice Dan Brown book you know something a bit more believable. At least I had some shite wipe, Mark didn't last long as I had the shits and Revelations had blood in it.

Two boats did pass my way but one was French and the other was Italian and I was way too pretty to go aboard those vessels so I hid like an altar boy at a priest convention.

After 4 years and 4 months HMS Weymouth found me, I was covered in goat skin and my English was almost unrecognisable so I had not really changed much.

Getting back to England I was paid handsomely for my story by the Daily Mail newspaper and married a 16 year-old milk maid named Sophia but the sea beckoned again and I signed onto the Mary Celeste a brigantine run by a Yank captian.

I kissed Sophia and her very hot sister goodbye and I went forth for more adventure but who gives a shit about that ? what about the time I was almost gang raped by a midget boy band in Turkey? now that was hairy.

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Out And About

If you see the Old Knudsen RV show me yer tits for a free t-shirt. Tits must be shown for a long enough period for Old Knudsen to have a happy ending.

Being a high profile blogger who is usually high on some form of pain medication I am well aware that everyone is out to get me.
No I'm not some paranoid freak when you have all this going on weemen want to do you and men want to be you and men also want to do you and weemen also want to change you and use oral sex as a motivational tool but that's another story.

I guess I would feel unloved if I wasn't constantly being stalked so I keep an eye on my surrounding at all times.
I went into an up-scale restaurant called 'Farmer Boys' yesterday for the first time. When I say up-scale I don't mean those ghey ones with waiters and table clothes, no offense to that silly cunt Manuel but really get a real job like digging ditches or something.

They give you a number to set on yer table and a woman does bring you yer food but they don't hang around like a bad smell for protection money known as a tip.

I ordered fish and chips, I asked what kind of fish it was and the cashier was surprised to hear that there was different types of fish.
Remember back in the day we'd call it Cod and chips or whatever it was but now its just 'fish' so I ordered it anyway cos what was I going to eat a burger with avo fucking cado on it or zuc fucking chini whatever that is?

When I'm out and about I do get a lot of 'fuck me' eyes from people but there was this one woman who was really making me feel uncomfortable enough to make me take my cap off and hide it in my coat.

I don't like to be watched when I eat and this lass was taking notes.

I couldn't eat half of my chips no it wasn't the gurl watching me it was because they didn't fucking peel them fucking lazy Americans get a Mexican in and pay them $1.00 an hour to peel yer fucking taters if I wanted my chips to taste like dirt I'd have ordered a fucking side of mud.

I also sent back my iced tea and told them to boil it and put some milk and sugar in it oh and it had a slice of lemon floating in it make sure nothing else falls into it.
I got the idiot looks I got at that sushi place when I complained about my fish being raw are they trying to give me semolina poisoning?

So anyway I left the restaurant noticing that the lass went over to my seat and started to sniff the place where I sat and was fighting the staff for my left overs and used cutlery. The mystery was soon solved when I went out into the car park and saw this.

Not a word of a lie I took this picture with my own wee camera. Its her.

Bloggers aren't the same as they describe themselves it seems, except for me what you see or read is what you get if yer lucky.
I learned my lesson when I went up north and visited First Nations and MJ boy did my preconceived ideas based on the pictures they sent me sure take a beating.

Not only are they not young female and hot but they don't wash.

Speaking of taking a beating. Ok its nearly the 4th July and woop de doo you beat the British by all means celebrate its not like you win many wars, two as far as I can tell and one of those was only because the French helped you. French loving losers.

Its a fucking week away stop it with the fire crackers, those of us that have served during war time are sick to death of diving to the floor every 5 minutes having flashbacks to Waterloo or Normandy all that crying ruins my mascara and makes my face all puffy so quit it you cunts.

The only blogger I want to meet is Mago here, maybe someday.

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Old Knudsen Considers The Penis

Keep it in the cage Hulky lad. I'm not a fan of bodybuilders or construction workers in general. Anyone that stands in front of a full length mirror to see their muscles ripple needs to get a life or a real gurlfriend.
Old Knudsen does have a fine set of guns on him but that's from years of digging ditches and working doon pit and I may like to watch my sexual technique in a mirror but that's different.

Men body builders want to look strong because they are afraid about their small willys and hate weemen anyway, weemen body builders just want to stop being weak females and want to be strong men, can't blame them now go put the kettle on for me love, 2 sugars ya sexy thing.

When I heard they wanted to remake the crappy Hulk film I sent in my screen play.

It was about Dr Bruce Banner who got painful 4 hour erections and rather than going to another doctor cos doctors are shite and he didn't have medical coverage (social message there) he zapped himself with Gamma radiation as you do and became a green body builder with a tiny knob.

The only problem being is that he was angry and being a body builder his reasoning power was sponsored by steroids.

Hulk angry but doesn't know why, must smash and look at my pecs while I do it.

He just wants to tie up white weemen so he can feel powerful.

See this lass doesn't work out and her knob is massive, its good to see such confidence.

Why are super heroes all muscular? when do they find the time to pump iron and is it a job requirement? I think a 100 LBS skinny dying fucker should be able to have super strength and be bullet proof.

Maybe lifting cars and throwing them at villains is a workout so you end up with muscles.

I always wondered how people in the comics don't suss out that so and so are super heroes as they have square jaws, thick hair and big muscles or the weemen are just a little too hot.

I wonder if Spiderman is hung like a spider and that's why he won't get it on with MJ, no not the blogger MJ shes into oiled up midgets anyway.

Instead of Batman and Robin it should be Batman and pitcher or giverman and takerboy, see the way Catwoman was baddie? weemen hating I tell you all due to bad sexual experiences with small cocks, trust me on that as I have a friend who was belittled by a woman when he whipped out his tiny curly wurly , no honestly it was a friend.

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Prison, Work And Marriage .... Work At Yer Marriage Or It Becomes A Prison

I was sent an e-mail by some cunt that knows what annoys me, I'll tell you what that is. Prison guards getting paid more than teachers and prisoners not being executed right away with none of that appeal crap in order that they aren't a drain on society any more than they have already been.

If you support pedos and rapists then you pay for their up keep, food and medical expenses.

Here is a picture of a lovely building, a prison in Austria no less. I've stayed at hotels that have looked worse than this. Austria is the same as Germany right? well to me anyway so therefore the prison is probably full of Nazis and pedos because the last time I was over there that's what I found and the place couldn't have changed that much from the 1940's not going by the searches I get from there on my shite meter.

It almost makes you want to lock up yer daughter for 20 years and have 5 kids with her just to get in............... I said almost you sick fuckers.

I see the furniture is prison ghey.

In prison You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell .

At work you spend the majority of your time in a 6X6 cubicle /office

In prison you get three meals a day fully paid for.

At work you get a break for one meal and You have to pay for it

In Prison you get time off for good behavior.

At work you get more work for Good behavior.

In prison the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you .

At work you must often carry a security card And open all the doors for yourself .

In prison you can watch TV and play games.

At work you could get fired for watching TV , playing games or reading this blog.

In prison you get your own toilet.

At work you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.......... guilty yer honour!

In prison they allow your family and friends to visit.

At work you aren't even supposed to speak to your family which is ok as yer family are right cunts.

In prison all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required .

At work you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

In prison you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.

At work you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

In prison you must deal with sadistic wardens.

At work they are called managers.

You could then go on to talk about rough anal sex in the showers but that's comparing prison to marriage. I've had longer marriages than a fucking rapist would do time, not fair where is our time off for good behaviour?

The violence the bullying and the counting the days but hey that's enough about marriage I'm off to prison for some relaxation and a tan.

Now get back to work ya cunts I'm not paying you to read this crap, no really I'm not paying you.

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The Love Therapist

When I came to Americky I didn't quit my job as a life coach for the Ohhmm well being clinic I was promoted to the job of 'Life consultant' spreading my wisdom and knowledge to the uninformed savages known as Americans.

My position is that of a Missionary I suppose giving it to the Yanks whether they want it or not but they sure do need it.

Me and my mucker Buddy have purchased and motorised home with his disability pension and a few bars of my Nazi gold.
I've always wanted to be like a hero on TV who travels from town to town solving crimes and shagging weemen with his pet monkey sidekick flinging poo in the name of justice for the under dog and so I decide to buy a motorhome to do so.

Buddy to be honest isn't all there, too much LCD in Nam and he has flashbacks to training the Taliban in Afghanistan to fight the Russians, a lot of opium going around it seems.

Back then he was known as a drugged out socially inept moron who was good at manipulating others to get what he wanted.

Then all the buzz word excuses for being thick came out and he was retired from the 'company' for being Bi-Polar with Aspergers and ADHD, they even said he was autistic which is a load of shite as the only thing he can draw is his pension.

My chum Buddy may not be the tastiest dog at the pound but once you get past all the paranoid accusations and make sure he takes his meds hes a decent enough fella.

He surprised me by getting a graphic put on the front of the RV the only thing is that hes a perfect example of the American education system, no offense to you idiot Yanks but when someone thinks that the Gettysburg address was where Lincoln lived and that the underground railway that smuggled slaves to the north actually had trains well he make me look intelligent, that's why I like Americky, I'm a hawk among crows.

I have to figure out how to change the graphic without hurting his feelings maybe I'll go for the "you mong approach" how can I get any action from vulnerable weemen with that on the front?

I may have to rethink the bumper sticker I have in mind, as my bed would be over the cab I was going to have a sticker that says " if the roof is a thumping Old Knudsen is a humping" classy huh?

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