Fart Proudly

Sometimes old people don't know they have farted until they feel the wet patch.

Kirkham Street Sports and Social Club in Devon has banned a 77-year-old Maurice Fox from breaking wind while indoors. He got a letter saying his actions had disgusted other members and could he stay near the front door so he could leave when required to blow off .

I am disgusted, firstly at the name Maurice and secondly I didn't fight the Germans at pearl Harbour the Japs at El Alamein and the Zebulons on Rixar 5 just so an old man could be denied the freedom to let off a juicy one where ever he pleases.

This sort of in- fighting is the very thing that Al Qaeda loves to see. Kirkham Street Sports are just as bad as Hitler and Osama, you fucking fart nazis and terrorist enablers .

Mr Fox has been a club member for 20 years and knows that sometimes he gets windy and calls himself an old fart. Was it not Shakespeare who said " where ever you be let yer wind go free, for that's what killed me Horatio ?" I don't know to be honest because Shakespeare was overrated crap.

Mr Fox said he said that he had not received any verbal warnings, I'm not surprised he probably sits alone in his own cloud, he thinks someone complained about the noise as he is a loud farter but there is no smell.

Palace Place club another club where Mr Fox also goes has had no problem as they hold regular fart lighting competitions.

I am disgusted at this man's liberty being trampled upon , sure the UK is not a free country as there is no such thing but farts go back into history as far back as William the Conqueror in 1066 when he got off his boat to invade England he ripped off a wet one and said, "good arse I thought you were dead" which highly amused his troops and lifted moral enough to beat Harold's army.

It is thought that if Churchill hadn't of farted as much as he did then we wouldn't have defeated Hitler who himself was an much admired breaker of wind .

First smoking and now farting, welcome to the Soviet state.

Mr Fox, the time for honesty is over and guerilla tactics are called for, if you fart pick someone as a patsy and exclaim loudly " Jim, you stinking shite" or partake in the silent but deadly farts , once you do it move on to somewhere and then come back and yet again blame yer patsy again, soon everyone will be believing Jim to be the Connaisseur of his own brand and he shall be the outcast not you.

Toy Safety Is For The Weak

Its coming up to Christmas and you still don't know what to get that little terrorist in the family. What about an "Explode me Muhammad?" have hours of endless fun ranting about the west and then you push the button for realistic explosive carnage, each Explode me Muhammad comes with its own bag of heavy duty nuts and bolts that can be added for that extra special bit of holy bloodshed.


The English teacher Gillian Gibbons is back in the civilised UK after two British Muslims peers went over to secure her release. One of those peers Baroness Warsi has gone into Old Knudsen's wank bank though I don't support her politics but its not her politics that gives Old Knudsen a stiffy.

Baroness Sayeeda Warsi, I want to make babies with you to unite our two communities.

Gibbons was given a presidential pardon and now Sudan is quite embarrassed.

Not very good friends with the UK due to Gordon Brown threatening sanctions all the time because of the Dafur genocide President al-Bashir of the Sudan saw the teddy bear fiasco as a way to unite the ragheads and teach Britain a lesson.

Those Sudanese wogs aren't too smart and even staged protests with the calls for execution only made the rest of the world see them as idiots.


One of the most corrupt states in Africa, Sudan has earned a place in my gallery of wankers.

They Can Take My Comments But They'll Never Take My FREEDOM!

My old dog Buddha used to run off with my last wives' dildo we named Muhammad ach happy times until that bitch ran off with that muscle man from the meat counter, the wife went with her.

A few days ago a comment I made on an AOL news story about Britney Spears was either flagged or reported and I got a warning from the TOS people at AOL.

What I said was she was a White trash hoorbag, the last time I checked calling someone white trash wasn't a crime, as for hoorbag what the fuck does that mean anyway?

My passion gets the better of me sometimes and I have to comment, you know what I'm like so when I read the story of a gurl who was murdered and dumped by the road by some cunt and that she had appeared naked in pictures on some adult sites and they were calling her a porn star well I got annoyed, It was just sensationalism and being biased which should only be used for fake news.

I said something like posing for naked pictures doesn't make you a porn star, being an ex porn star I should know this.

I have issues about the sinful nakedness of the human body forced upon me by the kind and loving Presbyterian church and try to over come this and show people its just tits, stop trying to deny yer lustful thoughts its only being human.

Yer actions make you a good or bad person talk is cheap or on blogs its free!

I hit "add" on the AOL comments for the story and my comment came up empty and then deleted. I tried again using orn with a "P" instead of using the word porn but no they deleted it.

I went to another story and posted a comment no problem so I went back to the so-called porn star story and tried again, the comments they had were far worse than mine and they were just spamming with the same comments 10 times in a row but that got put up ok.

I typed in "I like corn" it got deleted, I then typed in "I really really like corn" and that got deleted so I then typed "I like corn but I love Jesus" that comment got posted, it makes you think about the power that the morality police have and AOL (Absence Of Liberty) are just one step away from the Taliban and banning dildos named Muhammad.

I don't like corn by the way, most new world foods go through me like a dose of salts, luckily potatoes come from Ireland.

We Need A Hero

It has been said that Gordon Brown (texture like sun) has gone from being Stalin to becoming Mr Bean. I now suggest he becomes an action hero.

I give you "Buck Brown" or "Gordon Rogers" either way it sounds dirty, to me anyway. What were you expecting Flash Gordon ? way too obvious .

Going Out With A Bang

"Just say the word Georgie and I'll get all the bastards for ya." "Whoa whoa whoa big Dick go easy on that button, can you not just shoot them in the face? leave da bom for Old Bitter Balls."

Scots Greys

Here is a picture of me when I was a soldier in the Royal Scots Greys, a fine regiment with all the latest equipment. We had these planes made from blueprints that the Nazis had, they looked like flying plates, that's the best way I can describe them, we'd zip along mostly unseen. Sometimes we'd scare country folk by turning our lights on and maybe using our lasers to slice a steak off a cow.
The lads were a bit difficult to control sometimes when we had a prisoner who wouldn't talk but we sound found out that the anal probes don't work on the camel jockeys as you can tell they don't really like weemen much anyway.

We saw some heavy action in our time, intergalactic stuff no one else could do. Ming the merciless who would do these silent but deadly farts hence the merciless moniker but he was a bit of a mongo, then there was the Drooplas from Uranus what a bunch of shits they were, the Goofys from Pluto, we bombed those fuckers back to dwarf planet status and because we wore kilts the Martians from Neptune (confusing isn't it?) called us the hairy ladies from hell cos we were so fierce and um hairy .
You only have a moon because I fought off single handed an army of Ewoks intent on invasion lead by the supreme Ewok commander Muhammad , no need to thank me.

I barely survived when our plane was shot doon over New Mexico in 47, even with burnt hands and sever brain damage I begged for a new plane to get back into the fight with the Borg, they gave me one the bastards. I said I was only kidding to get a medal, look at my hands and you see that hole in my head there used to be brains in there, I eat through me arse and shit out my mouth. Still they gave me a plane, the action was intense and I will admit to having soiled myself which is a pity as I had the visor of my helmet doon.

The above picture was when the lovely Sophia Loren paid us a visit. I sat beside her and tried all my best lines but it was the good looking fella behind me that ended up shagging her over a Ford Cortina in the car park, that bloke got all the hot weemen and you can see why .

Osama Has Released Another Tape

The CIA have released details about another Osama Bin Laden tape.
In the tape he calls for the west to surrender, yadda yadda yadda oh and it looks as if he has done his cave up.
He ended the message with an "O" face and a money shot mumbling thank you Viagra, thank you Muhammad .

The CIA believe he has named his small limp penis Muhammad which is a popular name in the Muslim world.

I recently signed on to something with Yahoo and was asked if my Blog contained porn, well I think thats a matter of perspective as to what porn is, yeah so I answered no.