Scots Greys

Here is a picture of me when I was a soldier in the Royal Scots Greys, a fine regiment with all the latest equipment. We had these planes made from blueprints that the Nazis had, they looked like flying plates, that's the best way I can describe them, we'd zip along mostly unseen. Sometimes we'd scare country folk by turning our lights on and maybe using our lasers to slice a steak off a cow.
The lads were a bit difficult to control sometimes when we had a prisoner who wouldn't talk but we sound found out that the anal probes don't work on the camel jockeys as you can tell they don't really like weemen much anyway.

We saw some heavy action in our time, intergalactic stuff no one else could do. Ming the merciless who would do these silent but deadly farts hence the merciless moniker but he was a bit of a mongo, then there was the Drooplas from Uranus what a bunch of shits they were, the Goofys from Pluto, we bombed those fuckers back to dwarf planet status and because we wore kilts the Martians from Neptune (confusing isn't it?) called us the hairy ladies from hell cos we were so fierce and um hairy .
You only have a moon because I fought off single handed an army of Ewoks intent on invasion lead by the supreme Ewok commander Muhammad , no need to thank me.

I barely survived when our plane was shot doon over New Mexico in 47, even with burnt hands and sever brain damage I begged for a new plane to get back into the fight with the Borg, they gave me one the bastards. I said I was only kidding to get a medal, look at my hands and you see that hole in my head there used to be brains in there, I eat through me arse and shit out my mouth. Still they gave me a plane, the action was intense and I will admit to having soiled myself which is a pity as I had the visor of my helmet doon.

The above picture was when the lovely Sophia Loren paid us a visit. I sat beside her and tried all my best lines but it was the good looking fella behind me that ended up shagging her over a Ford Cortina in the car park, that bloke got all the hot weemen and you can see why .