Dr Jekyll and Mr Knudsen

Nip/Fuck eat yer heart out


You may know me as a person who has been around the block a bit and has traveled all over the world meeting new people and oppressing them in the name of the king (no not Elvis) I've done questionable things and have come to loathe myself but in a moralistic and righteous way.

If anyone hands me a drug or a pill and say "hey dude this is da bom" I'll probably take it with scant regard for my health.
My mate chemical Ali who has supplied famous people from Pete Doherty, Amy Winehoose and Dog the Bounty hunter with their drugs of choice gave me a potion to drink.



I didn't have a picture for this part of the story so as not to lose the interest of my more ADHD readers have some hot weemen camel toe, you can't go wrong with hot weemen camel toe and thats in the bible.


I'm usually wary of potions with smoke rising from it but hey its Ali he wouldn't do me harm.


I drank it doon and all of a sudden I felt superior to everyone else (more than usual) I felt like I was a god and everyone else was just an insignificant pleb to look doon my nose at in fact I felt as I was a Doctor, nay a Surgeon.

I said Surgeon not Sturgeon.


Suddenly people were coming up to me at parties and asking about their shoulders and rashes, I dismissed them citing off duty and legal issues about giving advice, unless they were hot or a case that would make me famous then the doctor was in the hoose.

I couldn't set up shop in the UK because of some Nazi rule about having to go to medical school and be certified which is just a racket set up by the medical schools to have a monopoly over the doctoring lark.


I went to the land of the free and the dumb with more money than sense, otherwise known as America and set up shop in Florida, I had a white coat so they let me practice medicine and practice I did.


I had a job for the government removing facial tattoos so that after their prison rehabilitation cop killers like this fella and other gang types wouldn't have an excuse to not get jobs, that's why they do it you know, they aren't hard or individuals they are just lazy, my granny has a tattoo not such a big woop anymore. His glasses don't look very tough.


Chemical Ali kept supplying me with potions that turned me from a mild mannered working class bigot and perpetrator of hate crimes to a white collar bigot whose farts don't smell.

I kept patients waiting hours in fact sometimes I just didn't turn up and by the time they got home there was a message on their answering machine with a new appointment.


I made Rosie hot enough for prime time, hey you try making a purse out of a sow's ear.


The worst thing I ever did was play a round with the boys, er I mean I putted in the rough, I played golf, I'm not proud of it but yes I also wore those plaid trousers.



I'll never get used to black fellas playing golf or tennis.

Golf is more ghey than actually being ghey. That St Andrew was a Greek homo who infected the Scots with his balls, holes , club and thick turf.

Whenever you see a Hollywood star with 5 face lifts too many or giant vagina lips that was me.

Yes I turned Pete Burns from 80's pop group "dead or alive" into the beautiful woman he is today.

After the second face lift I said to Burt Reynolds, another few lifts will make you look like you did in Deliverance but its gonna cost ya.

I don't give a shit what they look like or want done to themselves give me yer money , this is what I do to pedos.

I sucked out gallons of fried chicken fat from Kenney Rogers , I gave Pamela Anderson the natural looking boobs she has today and I even fixed Jennifer Anniston's nose by telling her that's the reason that Brad left her, ha! that one was too easy, actors and their egos .

Ms Knightly yer looking a bit fat how would you like some lipo at a reasonable price for those disgusting love handles?

I'd go up to people and say, "hey I could help you not be so repulsive " and I'd give them my card, like shooting fish in a barrel which is difficult to do as the bullet will cause the barrel to leak then you don't have much barrel left after a few shots .

My official title was " Nose, Ear, Throat , Titties, Homeopathy, Psychopathy, Gynecology, Proctology, Plasticology and Blood letting specialist."

Tori Spelling got new fun bags, its a pity shes still such a fucking minger.

I wouldn't ask the patients what they didn't like about themselves as I knew what i didn't like and that was enough.

Did you know a Dyson vacuum is shite for liposuction ? poor Kenny found that out the hard way. The media affectionately nicknamed me Dr Death but alas the infections and the lawsuits had to come to an end when Chemical Ali was arrested for war crimes, who would have thought it ? he was such a nice quiet fella.