The Sex Trade

Anyone who lives around kilamory knows "Leopard Lizzie" with the power to turn boys into men.

The Aphrodite Project has cum out with a line of interactive shoes called Platforms to protect ladies of the night you know, hookers, hoors, prossies. I'm sure many of my 3 readers are well acquainted with this line of work that should be legalised everywhere in my humble but correct opinion. Yer body doesn't belong to you if you aren't allowed to sell it.

In a world where many street slappers are murdered and either buried in the back garden (stay the fuck out of my garden) or fed to a pack of pigs (go Canada!) there should be some form of protection for them other than a condom.

Sometimes I think the hoors should be paying me but life isn't fair. Hey don't judge me, getting married means you pay more for sex and keep paying and paying in ways only Satan could imagine.

Each shoe is supplied with an alarm that can scare of an offender and at the same time contact emergency services. The shoes actually shout, "theres yer mum theres yer mum" to put the attacker into a panic as memories of last week when their mum walked into their bedroom as they were wanking cum flooding back into their 54 year-old brains.

The shoes also have a built in GPS so when a woman pushes a button on the side of her shoes it informs the police of where she is if the police actually had such technology themselves or could be arsed saving hookers, and there is a display on the side so yer sex worker will never get lost on the way to yer hoose.

So make sure your hooker doesn't keep her shoes on during sex or just prey on the young less able to afford these shoes type of hoor.

I don't have time for the young firm bodied sexy thing, older weemen know what they are doing besides they charge less than the young uns and I'm not rich ya know, or picky.

These shoes are perfect as we all know what geeky gadget heads prostitutes are, its a pity they only cum in ugly sandals that make yer feet feel like two pieces of raw meat by the end of the day.