What Has A Hazel Nut In Every Bite? Knudsen Shite!

I've just been awarded an award from Witchypoo who sees dead people are tells them to "get a life!" she described me as

rages against the injustices of the world: yep and then some.

hides his heart of gold behind naughty images and saucy language: What the fuck? has she got the right person? cunt cunt shite fuck! there goes my rep as a blogging tough guy.

His mind races at the speed of light: So fast that I ..................................................................................... look a computer now what was I doing?

Brilliant man! And funny, funny, funny: I don't want to brag but its all true .

Warning: Not safe for work, children, or the devout: At least she didn't put 'adult content' that makes me sound like Larry Flint. I think children should be made to read me, as for the devout, remove the sticks from yers arses first please, God reads me and he loves it.

I shall update my side-bar if there is still room from all the rest of my awards, which reminds me bitches why don't you love me like this anymore? has the thrill gone? I shall expect an onslaught of love and awards, get busy.

Go visit Witchypoo, shes a psychic and will be expecting you.

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Pedo Watch 2008

A convicted child molester and kidnapper died last month after choking on a hot dog. Frederick Fretz, 45, had a liking for 11 year-old boys and was serving a 20-year sentence at the federal penitentiary in Atwater, California.
Medics tried to remove the hot dog from Fretz's throat before taking him to hospital. He was pronounced dead on December 19th .

Praise the Lard! I say this was a hotdog from above. I've always said that the God of love is also a cruel sadist as we all have the same capacity to love as we do to hate.
No the irony was not missed by Old Knudsen That Fretz who molested one 11 year-old boy and kidnapped another choked to death on a wiener.......... Ka-Chow!



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Super DVD

I was thinking about having superpowers as I was looking at the young weemen on the bus dressed in their tight revealing leopard skin print clothing with a ton of makeup on shivering in the brisk Killamory evening on their way out to some club to dance around their handbags.

The usual invisibility came to mind as I could feel them up un-noticed or watch them as later on they have a drunken shag bent over a wheelie bin in some romantic alley. Everyone thinks about invisibility how boring.

I then thought of a really good one. The power to fire wet concrete from my hands, like the ice-man but with concrete. I could make it set super fast and get paid millions paving 3rd world countries like Ireland or Africa.

If some one shot a gun at me my super thick concrete wall would save me and then fall doon on them. I could sneakily put speed bumps on the roads where the little boy racers in their Honda civics tear doon or fire out bolts of concrete at Mosques and Synagogues breaking their windows and just stand there looking all innocent .

I would be the master of concrete, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! of course I should have a cool name. I thought about Constructo but that reminds me of the worker in the Village People. So then I though Man-Crete or Con-Man, maybe even Man-Cretion, here is a couple of open questions for you to abuse, what would you call me? and what would yer power be?

I got home with my DVD that I rented out, "Fisting Firemen Four" I had heard good reviews about it and a lot of Oscar buzz.

I opened the box and found they had given me the wrong one, those dopey fuckers. I wasn't going all the way doon the road to change it so I put it into my recently *found* DVD player.

It was some space film I had never heard of called, "Space heroes" The hero of the film had a chip on his shoulder when he failed at something resulting in the deaths of millions. He was talking to an alien mate of his who had just made a mistake, he said, "I know how you feel fucking up and all" I'm paraphrasing here. The Alien said "No I welcome what you Earthlings call 'fucking up' because then I get the chance to learn from my mistakes," then he said some words of wisdom that really made me think." Those who never try never fail" this theme makes a comeback near the end of the film when the hero hears those words like Obi-wan Kenobi in Star Wars to Luke and it motivates him. I can't remember too much about the end as I was too pished.

I did learn something valuable, "Those who never try never fail" so to not put yerself in the position of being a loser or failure you should never try. Getting the wrong DVD must have been a message straight from god.

*If the police ask thats my story*

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Suck It You Slag

Vince as he subconsciously gives head to an ice-cream cone while looking at children's toys.

To show what a nice person I am to those who think I'm a right cunt who throws bags of kittens into *rivers* and exposes my todger to weemen and the odd attractive man on the bus.

I thought I should tell you the internal struggle I had to not photoshop the above picture of Vince Vaughn sucking the ice-cream out of his poke into some grotesque ghey Fenian cock sucking scene.

The only reason I didn't was because he is an Honourary Bitter Balls as you can see on my sidebar.

I hear him and Jen are back together and hope that she has as much talent on the poke as he does, I won't tell you what Brad said on the subject as he had been drinking and it was said in confidence.

I just have to say this, if you 'want' to spoil the moment then use yer teeth, fuck I hate it when I get an amateur. Get them older when they've lost all their teeth or skull fuck a meth addict.

Speaking of which Eddie Waring who was once a stunt motorcyclist and male model did the meme I subjected him too and wrote this: "I always sniff my fingers after scratching my arse, just to see how much it stinks."

Ever read something and at that moment you feel closer to them as you have never done before with anyone? its like he diddled my soul.
After you sniff yer finger you usually said something obvious like " fuck that stinks" and then continue to eat yer burger or shove it under the nose of yer wife to validate the stench .

'Y'-Fronts were the greatest invention of the 20th century I believe, a flap in which you can pull out yer lad and piss away, not like boxers were yer knob just falls out or so I told the Judge.

Why has no one ever invented the Y-Front with the Z-Back ? are you confused? I'm thinking of an extra flap you can get yer fingers into so you don't have to put yer hand doon the back or up a leg to scratch yer hole cos I'm lazy and will just poke a hole through the arse of me gunties.

I usually wear boxers as that's what people buy me at Christmas and they don't make them with reinforced arses which may also be a good Idea, market them as "arse pickers."

The Z-Back would also be popular with the gheys I think or so Marky tells me............... Ka-Chow!

*ponds and lakes are better so the current doesn't take the bag out of sight.*

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Tally Whacker Hits A Face Full Of Pigeon

Why not have a fuzzy fucking kitten to go with my fuzzy fucking meme?

I hate memes but when a hot young woman tags me well what am I going to do? I see these memes as a thump on the arm that says in a school yard way, "I want to ride you" well ladies the feeling is mutual first it was that Goofy woman and now its that meme addict Xmichra well I wasn't going to bother me arse posting at all today but then I said "why not old boy shes just going to keep sending you naked pictures until you do so here it is.

Here are THE RULES:

Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog. Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself. Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a notification on their blog.

Here are mostly superstitions I have. I get freaked out if others do the bad luck things around me.

1) Its bad luck to put shoes on a table.

2) If I light a candle I use my finger and thumb to pinch it out as I believe that using another element such as air to blow it out is bad luck.

3) I always put coins in the pockets of my jacket and make sure I always have in my wallet for good luck, it may only be pennies but money attracts money.

4) An itchy palm means I'm going to get money, I rub my palm on my bum to make sure it comes.

5) When I'm cooking I never stir a pot with a knife as thats bad luck and rhymes with strife.

6) Putting an umbrella up inside the hoose is bad luck.

7) I see the number 13 as a lucky number.

I choose these magnificent 7 bloggers, if they don't want to do it then fine I won't mind one bit , as long as they know I'm a powerful Warlock with an unstable personality.


Bittersweet me An enigma wrapped in a horny package.


Marky annoys me more than my ex wives do.


MJ probably has more weird facts than you could shake a stick at.

Ellie I'm just giving her a thump on the arm.


Mago this cunt just fascinates me.


Eddie Waring He is bound to be entertaining....... no pressure.


Witchypoo My favourite psycho er I mean psychic .



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We Need You For The Pedo Crew

This is the sort of thing that has gotten priests into trouble in the past. Priests must change as society does. How can a pedo give comforting words of advice when you leave yer kids alone while on holiday in Portugal ?

I did a post on my news blog about priests appearing in a calendar to recruit young men to the priesthood by showing their human side and the hobbies they enjoy when they aren't diddling young boys.
I don't think being American and liking baseball, home improvement jobs and reading celebrity magazines would attract anyone to join the priesthood not even the pedos.

I am offering my humble services to aide them to promote their Fenian ways. We know they all smoke, drink, gamble, fuck and molest right? so lets just be honest and say what will attract young men to the priesthood.

Men like to party and drink and make blue steel poses for the camera. Fucking cool.

Men like guns (well real men) they also like to shoot stuff. Make films like "Kill Judas vol. 1" or the "Christinator."

A bit of kinky would go doon a treat.

Nope not this, don't mention good looking priests or you'll get the confessional bandits, only advertise these guys when looking for nuns.

Yep hot nuns with lacey boulder holders, I wouldn't mind giving her communion .

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999 Whats Yer Emergency? I Never Got Any Fucking Breads Sticks With Ma Pizza

Killamory New Years was fucking great, can't remember a thing about it but instead of waking up covered in someones blood it was just the usual shit and piss.

Well done Scotland a record number of emergency calls were made to the Scottish Ambulance Service over Hogmanay this year, Yay!

A total of 2,288 calls were made to the service's 999 centres across Scotland , an increase of 22% on the previous year. Ha ha fuck you last year, does this year rock or what?

Of course the majority of the calls were made after midnight and most of them were alcohol related incidents, is this stating the obvious or would my readers have already figured that one out?

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