Yep, its all about Me.

I have this Blogging buddy that lives on the cruel and unforgiving east coast of Australia.
The last time Old Knudsen was there was with the famous maritime explorer captain Kook, you always had to have yer musket at the ready incase the Apaches charged you, mean blood thirsty savages with big didgeridoos wanting to eat your flesh and cut off your head so they can fuck your lifeless eye sockets in their Wigwams while getting high on Meth.

It was a scary time as I was a young man and I had virgin eye sockets, as for the rest of me , well it was a long voyage. I was the captain's first mate, I think it was because he had trouble committing, besides me, his only other friend was Roger the cabin boy, he was a popular young chap, while I tossed in my bunk at night I'd hear the hand's chanting "Roger the cabin boy" over and over, the funny thing was the boy's name was Jack.

The captain was often in the doldrums of depression, everytime he named something the map makers in London would misspell his name Cook, like that other Navel officer, everyone else got things named after them, in fact if you are trying to name a baby and need ideas just look up Australia and you'll have lots to choose from," hmm I like this place, I'll call it Hicks point, hey watch out for that rock, I think I'll call it 'Cher's Rock' , do ya want to go down to the Glory hole, sorry I already named that after myself, Bill O'bong".

So we shipped off the convict scum to Australia and all the bog trotters and religious nuts to America, Britain was now a nice place to live, you could leave your doors unlocked, but why would you do something so stupid? there were still a lot of Catholics about so you still had to chain up yer bicycle.

During the great war, which was actually at the time known as the super fantastic awesome war, the Australians were held in such high regard that they were allowed to charge the enemy first, this annoyed the eager Irish who thought they were missing out on something by going second, the plan was to use up the bullet catching nations before the English came out and hopefully the Hun had run out of ammo.

The Australian army distinguished itself in WW2 , I know this because I saw it on the Sullivan's, don't you think Greg Wiggle would have made a good Sullivan?
The Aussies got their own back on the world, to the U.K. they sold numerous highly addictive but crappy soaps, the actors would infest our lives with singing and pantomime careers, how can Guy Pierce take himself so seriously? he'll always be muscle bound Mike to me.
Mel Gibson born in America? so fuck hes an Aussie, remember Mel if you want to slag off Jews while drunk, get a Blog, why are they so touchy about Killing Jesus? you fucked up people move on, hey look its Buddha, lets get the fat fuck.

America is so obsessed with the Mexicans taking the jobs they are too lazy to do, for years in Hollywood if you wanted a bad guy you'd try the Royal Shakespeare company, I don't know how many times skinny middle aged Englishmen with a classically trained voices have threatened to knock my shite in, scary, Hollywood is just like real life.
Its the Aussies that the minutemen should be watching, they act and sound more like Americans than the Americans, that's why they get all the yank roles, its a shock to see Jim Robinson from Neighbours pop up or in that very funny film 'Wedding Crashers' you have the tasty bite sized Isla Fisher, it was a body double's tits that you see for 5 seconds, very upsetting.

Well Old Knudsen likes Australians, I think it might be the brain washing from the 80's or hopefully I missed that, I should be so lucky, lucky lucky lucky, ugh must fight it, Old Knudsen is Mental as anything.
I have been called a testicle so many times over the last week, once by a Hollywood great and the other 30 times by my friend with the hairy outback, I've come to the conclusion that its a term of affection, so if you've read this far, you are indeed a testicle.