Paul McCartney and Heather Mills are going through a wee divorce at the moment, a real shame, I thought those kids would of made it.
Divorce is quite shite at the best of times but when every word is reported and blown up out of proportion by the press and also theres 60 million quid at stake its obviously worse than for us mere mortals, ah poor wee rich people.
There is no such thing as a friendly divorce, Heather has filed court papers stating that Paul violently abused her and used illegal drugs, Paul has a shit fit if he sees a doggie in a cage about to be chop sueyed hes soft as shite, no way do I believe he would even try to take on a one legged woman, of course I totally believe the drugs, those banjo players are always on the pot, lay off him Heather hes an old fella, for years people have called him ever youthful or likened him to Peter Pan (a bit of a fairy that won't grow up? no young looking) and then to one day wake up and find you are a dead ringer for Fergie (Duchess of York toe sucker extraordinaire, not the Black eyed peas girl) with droopy oldman Roger Moore tities . Anyway it was Lennon that wrote the not so shite songs, Paul wrote the fluffy stuff.
Heather is a fit looking bird, like Old Knudsen she lost her leg while hunting the great white Panda Yogi Dick , no wait she lost hers in a car accident.
Paul countered the claims of abuse and drugs by saying Heather drank too much as she was legless a lot of the time, ha ha ha sorry just a bit of cripple humour.
Both Paul and Heather are well into charity and animal rights, very commendable, though they sometimes sound like a cross between P.E.T.A. and Scientology with their enthusiasm.
Heres what Old Knudsen believes are animal's rights .
They have the right to remain silent and let me eat them, if they give up that right I will cook and baste them with enough heat deemed appropriate.
We need to eat animals, until the scientists come up with a Soilent Green substitute , fruit and veg is for the weemen , children and weirdos, (you know who you are) I keep my valuables in the vegetable drawer in my fridge, its not like anyone around here will look in there for a healthy carrot, not that there is any. Smell my fart, that's pure protein, bodybuilders could bulk up muscle mass on my emissions alone.
The cows are all mad, the chickens have the flu, the fish are dying but at least we still have the pig, well the Jews don't but do I look like I care ? God was good enough to make pigs, they should be polite enough to eat them, but with only the pig we are in trouble my friend, the answer? McCartney won't like it, Dogs and cats, you just have to get over that soft western approach to animals, Johnny cuff link has no trouble eating fido and muffin, you would too if you were hungry enough, if you say you wouldn't then you haven't been there yet.
An expression not used anymore to express hunger is, "I could eat a Scabby Skunk".
The animal rights people will protest no matter what you do, trying to force people to give up meat and become vegetarians is like trying to convert them to Jehovah Witnesses, the Vegans being more crazy through lack of food don't mind cutting the head of a cute leafy lettuce but if you choke yer chicken they go nuts.
I had a Vegan as a pet once, messy creatures, his name was Spud, he lived up a tree in my back garden, I had him thinking they were going to tear it down to build a road, we had a good arrangement I'd toss him a salad (with real toss as a wee joke) and supply him with a Readers Digest every month from that place that gives out free books, Library is it called? he'd protest in the tree, hug it sing wee chants and rub his wood lovingly, oh I also had his *Dole cheque* sent to my hoose, what a nice trusting young man, its a shame it ended in tragedy, during that week on Big Brother when Kinga stuck that bottle up her vadge I neglected to feed poor wee Spud, I still think hes up there still with his leg chained to the tree, luckily its an evergreen, when people asked me what that smell was I'd tell them theres a lot of Travelers (gypsies) around town, dirty people, Slavs you know.
I send my Grandson Gavin to the S.S. office (social security) to sign on as Spud, so it all worked out well in the end.
So anyway, look after the animals before you humanely kill them, would that be an oxymoron, you know like Military Intelligence? Pat the doggies on the head and give the cats some yarn before you off them.
Don't go taking the seals out clubbing, no wonder people fucking complain, even that McGyver bloke whined about it, fuck the children abducted and forced to serve as soldiers in the Congo, seals are getting killed.
I don't know what some people are thinking these days they also complain when murderers and rapists in prison are executed, who cares if he killed a load of folks, he made pop up books he must be a nice guy, those bleeding hearts have turned the word Liberal into an insult word, let them pay for their room ,board and security if they like them so much, I see executions as a means to cure overcrowding in prisons and get rid of the wrong uns, I remember the days when prisoners only got food if their family brought it to them.
Listen to Gandhi when he said, "kill or be killed" those doggies would feast off your eyeballs given half the chance, well except for GreyFrairs Bobby, God bless his little heart, its either them or us.
Meat is not Murder
Murder ---- the unlawful and malicious or premditated killing of a person.
Old Knudsen will stand up fpr Plant Rights, and if I ever see that Woody Harleson in his hemp suit I will throw manure at him.
*for those that don't speak the Queen's fucking English, Dole Cheque = unemployment benefit.*
