Charity Begins With Fuck Off!

True tales from the street.

Theres a little park near the High street in town, me and some of the lads like to sit on the low wall chat away and swig from a bottle of 'Beat the Wife' , its like a social club, mates stop over on their way to the shops and talk for a while and in a few hours everyone knows everyone's business.

Once I saw two clean cut young men, black trousers white shirt, black tie and backpacks, straight out of the American Donny Osmond Mormon Clone factory, here no doubt to convert us heathens, fuck I hate those stupid twats, anyway they were standing on the street looking lost, trying to catch someone's eye so they can tell them about their crazy as fuck religion, no offense my Moron readers but you are dopey shites.

They perked up as soon as they saw an old Hunchback man carrying shopping bags approaching, one of the Osmonds reached down to grab a bag saying, "let me carry that for you" now I don't know what was in the bags, probably his beloved collection of cat heads but with the speed of a prize fighter he whisked the bag out of the reach of the grabbing Mormon and loudly said, " fuck off" and scurried off leaving the two lads looking even more lost.

Now we get homeless people trying to join us but Billy usually deals with them, one time I saw Jack the Stain, an unpleasant fella who pretends to be homeless so he can scrounge money of passerby's, standing with his hand out looking pitiful saying, "can you spare 20p mate?" he got a couple of mugs, usually young men and weemen, a well dressed businessman caught Jack's eye, "can you spare 20p mister?", the man started patting his pockets and put his hand into one, Jack stared transfixed waiting to get his gift, chances are he'd get more than 20p, the man pulled out his hand with his thumb in the air as if he was thumbing for a lift shouted,"Fuck Off" and walked on, now that was sheer class.