Old Knudsen's Haunted Hoose

I have complied a series of disturbing and frightening images to disturb and frighten you for Halloween. Ghosts and Vampires are old hat, if it scares me then it should scare you too.

AH! mongs and their happy inappropriate closeness.



Oh no! its not just a Lemur but a lemur yob.


Stop the seal killings, kill them all before they get you.

Quick run its the Cyber men.

Creepy creepy fucking creepy.

Daddy's gurl? more like Daddy's window licker.


Not the Scottish speedos, save me Jesus!

GENITAL HERPES................ Thank you Troll for the picture.

Thats how they get the holes into donuts.


Now try to sleep after this post.



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Made In America

America and Thailand have a special connection and I don't mean under age yum yum.

I would say this post could only happen in America but no, its a tale of intelligent American outsourcing.
The new U.S. Passport which will have a clever wee radio-frequency i.d. computer chip in them so the border guards can wirelessly access the info will be made abroad.

The Government Printing Office (GPO) that handles most of the U.S. government's printing needs sends the passport blanks to a company in the Netherlands that won the contract, they smoke some pot and insert the computer chips and then ship them off to Thailand where the radio-frequency i.d. antennas are added.

Don't all you Yanks feel so much safer? Producing these new passports costs the GPO $7.97, which it marks up to $15 to sell to the State Department. The State Department then marks them up to $100 to sell to you the people. Capitalism in action it does my heart good to see yer system working so well, you must be proud. For $100 I'd be wanting some free marijuana and a Thai gurly boy.

It reminds me of the story I did a while back when the 'Free Tibet' flags were being made in China.

What next America on line having help desks in India? oh wait they do. For all I know the help desk could be in Pakistan and some terrorist is able to access my porn sites.


For those with the new passports big brother is watching you and he doesn't have an American accent.


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Coolski

A sign of Global warming, A Russian in shorts and sandals fixing an air conditioner. What a crazy skinny dying fucker he is I bet he decided to face the height than confront his big fat hairy sweaty wife who nagged him to get out and fix it.


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Its Cumming!

Angela Merkel the Chancellor of Germany wants to remind you that something big is cumming, I shall look forward to seeing you all on Sunday. Remember the wee orphans, kittens and puppies are relying on all of us bloggers and only a total cunt would let them doon.



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Kiss My Rebuttal

Luckily most people that read me don't know who Lilly Savage is.

Due to that Donald McConnell fella at the Homo has Escaped blog talking about the beautiful Laura Bush's smile being like the Joker's and the fact that I didn't bother me arse doing a post today because I had to rush to the hospital and have a catihar put into my willy. I didn't have to but its a pleasure and pain thing and none of yer business.

Some call me an old fucker, some call me the gangster of up the bum nay babies, some people call me KnudsOn when I speak about how you are a cunt.

I'm a lover I'm a sinner I'm the greatest blogger and I'm a rimmer I write my posts on the commode.
I'm the Joker I'm a boaker I'm a midnight poker I sure do like to hurt yer bum.


Oh and that Mago fella is so close to joining the gallery of wankers for his 'Tea is for the weak' remark.

If it wasn't for tea the British Empire which I am a proud throbbing upstanding member of would not have ruled 3 quarters of the Earth. You wouldn't have Australians and Canadians to mock and belittle if it wasn't for us and you certainly wouldn't have that traitorous cuntry called America or the US of butt of my jokes as I like to call it. Robert Mugabe wouldn't have a nation to pin all his troubles on and you wouldn't have a language which all savage races strive to speak.......... yes you Mago, restore order to that.

Tea has an ingredient called Corbomite that mingles with the British blood to produce a Superior being of super strength and intellect. It works best with blood of Scottish origin and not so well with English blood. Other close cannon fodder races like the Irish and Welsh just don't have the gene.


Being a leader and not a follower I have no idea how to put blogs I follow onto me profile so either tell me or just assume I think yer a cunt.

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Laura Bush Defends Her Husband's Presidency

"There, I can't make it any more clearer than that you can see he was right all along."

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Hitler Is Rolling Over In His Tupperware Box In Russia

Also seen appearing in cabaret old chum.

Didn't I just post about electing Obama would piss off the White Supremacists? yes sometimes I post spooky stuff like when I did a Witness type post and the shooting of the Amish kids happened.

Two little gurly white supremacist twats from Tennessee planned to shoot up a mainly African- American school to kill 88 people and that they would behead 14 of them, then they would go and shoot Obama.

I know its just a matter of time before Obama gets it if he is elected but really 88 is reaching a bit far.
88 is the eighth letter in the alphabet and means Hiel Hitler in Neo Nazi circles and 14 is the average IQ of yer white supremacist type.

They planned to dress in all-white tuxedos and wear top hats, here is a hint for you, these two are firmly in the closet. They are the type to be prison ghey and still think they are straight. Anyone who puts as much thought into their wardrobe for a massacre but still end up looking like mongs have to be quite confused, if they were really honest with themselves and each other it would be short shorts and feather boas.


Daniel Cowart aged 20 of Tennessee is the manly don't fuck with me cos I got a haircut and a temporary tattoo cos my mam wouldn't let me get a real one sort who likes to pose with big guns. A classic case if you ask me, he'll 'really' enjoy prison.



Paul Schlesselman aged 18 from Arkansas once dated a gurl but he didn't like it as she wouldn't share makeup or wear a strap on.

Now all queers aren't racist mongs who plan to kill nig nogs but having once joined an Odinist group up in Washington to research my book 'Hate is a four letter word' which wasn't published as I am ahead of me time I came to realise that all these big tough hate spewing tossers were repressed homosexuals and that the society they live in means they can't express themselves with love so they express it with hate and punishment buggerings in the name of Hitler who as Eva Braun once said had a small limp penis shped like a curly fry.


Here is how to pose with weaponry. I took this AK-47 off a dead raghead he died of old age so it wasn't difficult to open his fingers and take it. Not overly long but thick and powerful demanding respect I don't need no scope to hit the spot.

Neo-Nazis......... I eat those cunts for breakfast. Beware of people who spell things with a 'K' instead of a 'C' like Clydesdale's or Clan, it has to do with their low IQ and the fact that they are just Kunts.


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Peace My Arse

First of all it isn't what it looks like, I ain't no monk ranger it was a spiritual holding of hands nothing ghey at all even if the meat in our sandwich was wearing a dress.

I met with John McCain and the Deli Lama (Del for short) last week at camp Gaylord, Johns retreat for himself and his young friends.

McCain kept pointing his thumb at me and referring to me as 'My friend' I had to put him straight I said:

"McCain as long as you get on like Bush and look the other way where integrity and honesty are involved you can not call me yer friend, you've changed John, you've let them change you."

He look ashamed and a little hurt. We had hunted homeless people together on the grounds of one of his many homes we compared war wounds and penis size (I won) we even formed our own fight club. Yes he was a maverick at one time but now he is merely a GOP mouthpiece anyone could do the job he is now doing.

Senator McCain was my friend presidential candidate McCain is just a two faced Kennedy/Bush like cunt. A politician with an agenda.

Del spoke of healing, love and peace. When he spoke of China the veins in his neck bulged and then every other word was a sentence enhancer like 'fuck'.

Now Del has given up on trying to talk sense to China. The world doesn't care about Tibet sure it may be trendy but really would anyone go to war over it?

Del has said "fluck them up the ass with a lotus petal but Tibet can continue dialogue in whatever way they want to."

What does that mean? He has just said 'I'm too old for this shit and what good have I done? at least the Hollywood 'A' listers like Madonna are on my side. My country has to become guerrillas and make a lot of trouble for China in a violent way not that I can ever come out and say that.'

I came to realise that sometimes you just can't reason with some people. The Iranians, Al Quada, a gang of blacks during the Watts riot or a woman you've just given a STD to.

Another group of people you can't reason with are those Americans who will not vote for Obama just because he is half black. Just as Hilary didn't have a chance with them he doesn't either.

Those are the people who get stuck on the stupid issues like gheys, Abortion and Illegal imagrants while the cuntry burns doon around them unoticed .

Be like Del and give peace a chance and then when that doesn't work use violence but at least you tried in other words 'think' the economy boomed under dirty dick Clinton and America was sort of cool like its supposed to be, movies had the president flying jets against aliens and beating up terrorists on Air force one.

8 Years of Republican rule, as Dr Phil would say, "Hows that working out for ya?" the economy is a dirty word, America is hated and so not cool and the presidental is portrayed as a joke.

The USA has always been a world leader so lead in example. Men of war know war and those who can talk can stop wars so vote for the nig nog just because it would piss off the white supremacists and thats always a good reason.

"Whose yer daddy ya little nip?" "Stop it yer hurting me McCain the mighty."


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Community Service Announcement

Some people think abstinence should be taught in schools. Those people are fucking morons how can you teach how to abstain from something? Just like I said schools teach nothing these days.

Its usefully right wing fundies who think this is a stellar idea but think, it didn't work too well with Adam and Eve, God should have told them what was at stake with the apple so they could make an informed choice instead of one based out of fear and ignorance.

Oh and God had no probs with going forth and multiplying. If any hot weemen want to do the Lard's work with me let me know.



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Schadenfreude Saturday

Listen to yer da Dr Phil

There has been various rumours that Dr Phil McGraw and his wife Robin are getting a divorce and that he has cheated on her. I'm here to tell you that their marriage is 'fundamentally' sound.

I can't stand the cunt. A big Texan twat who you can just tell is a fake ex jock type. Most people with degrees in psychology don't have a clue about people I wonder how long he spent searching for his catchphrases I wonder how thats working out for him.

I can read people pretty good and this big swaggering slap head is as false as Jessica Simpson's arse in the Dukes of Hazard.

Robin looks like she has had a little too much plastic surgery what is she so self conscious about? She patiently sits and waits for his show to finish so they can walk out together to show how strong they are, is that really needed?

Lord and lady cunt and cuntess

If they do divorce that will be his $200 million career over as he can't practice what he preaches. I don't think Robin would want the alimony cheques to dry up so they will continue to put up a front.

Did you know that people with any kind of mental disorder such as Bi-Polar are not allowed in his studio audience? I don't think he does well with mental issues which is why he fucked up with Brittany Spears big time. Not a good idea to turn up with a camera crew to help people out.

Dr Phil tells the audience what they want to hear and dresses it up in home spun folksy crap, like Sarah Palin but with better writers.

Texans aren't known for their introspective side so if you tell me he is a touchy feely bloke then I'll tell you yer dumber than a cat on a hot griddle playing a banjo.

Ha ha Dr Phil yer losing yer audience as fast as yer hair.



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Friday Ramble

Hydrogen sulphide is a toxic gas generated by bacteria living in the human gut that is responsible for the delightful odour of flatulence.

The gas is also produced by an enzyme in blood vessels where it relaxes them and lowers blood pressure.

I am in no way shape or form making this up but smelling farts is good for yer health. I've been smelling farts for years now and I can still beat midgets to a pulp with me fists.

Ladies when yer man shoves yer head under the bed covers for a 'Dutch oven' he is saying 'He loves you and wants you to be healthy ' so suck him off to show yer appreciation. You would not believe how many ungrateful hoors who would pull out a razor blade out from their hair and slice you just because you want to lower their blood pressure.

Some people just do not know what is good for them so the next time yer in a lift or an elevator as the idiot Yanks would call it even though it lifts you up and doon and to elevate means to just go up let one rip and make them feel the healing.

Not faith healing as that is a load of bollocks but just remember ladies I am skilled in sensual massage and can bring you to orgasm with a rub of yer lumbar its not cheating on yer spouse if he watches (thats extra) welcome to fart healing, cum breathe in my egg and onion sandwich and not only will yer blood pressure be lowered you'll never have to trim yer nose hair again.


A Japanese plant has entered the Blogoshpere. Midori-san has attachments that measures bio-electric signals and these are converted into data by a computer translated into Japanese in the form of a blog.

It says things like, "It was a cloudy day" and "caterpillars are cunts" thats far more entertaining than some of yer efforts, yes you know who I mean. A Spider plant from London plagiarised it with its post ' It was cold today' for fucks sake I commented on that post and now I just feel used and not in a nice way either.

Did John McCain's brother 'Joe' call 911 to complain about traffic?

Operator: 911 state your emergency
Caller: It's not an emergency but do you know why on one side at the damn drawbridge of 95traffic is stopped for 15 minutes and yet traffic's coming the other way?

Operator: Sir, are you calling 911 to complain about traffic? (pause)
Caller: "(Expletive) you." (caller hangs up)

We older peeps can't keep up with the street urchins and their way of talkin and so get confused between 411 and 911. Don't look at this call as an elitist who thinks he is above the law and that being a McCain he can demand and expect an answer from the common pleb look at this as a lonely confused old man who is a reporter and stage actor who served aboard the USS Enterprise under Captain Kirk during Nam. Fucking sailors and their flared trousers full of semen.

Bob the builder popped a question to Barack Obama about illegal immigrants like Handy Manny taking all the building jobs and what would he do about it. Obama said something vague like change, hope and put them on an island and bomb the fuckers.

It turns out that Bob isn't a real builder and is really a member of The Village People and has an over due library book but who are we to judge?


Handy Manny looks extremely worried but who gives a fuck? Hispanics are crap at voting.


What is wrong with this picture?

Segregation in deep south America a time when black people were given their own drinking fountains but now because of cunts like Martin Luther, Spike Lee and Hugh Grant they now have to share a crowded drinking fountains with whitey. Have we progressed or regressed?

I'll tell you what is wrong with the picture coloured is spelled wrong.


Speaking of which I've done a fair bit travel in my life time. I explored the Nile and went up the Wha-tutsi on several occasions. Now folks want to blame aids on the Brits just because we shagged some African monkey eaters 100 years ago.
I liked the idea that the US government invented aids to kill off queers but really the US government are just so incompetent they can't even get enough flu shots out to the public. Bush never knew about 911 in fact he didn't even know about the dangers of pretzels until it was too late.

I blame the monkeys for being so damned tasty they are the true mastermind behind aids. Save a queer and kill a monkey.


Ellen DeGeneres is a leezer with a totally hot gurlfriend Portia DeRossi. I don't know if Portia is also a leezer but it is a waste if she is.
You can have Anne Heche but give us Portia. Ellen was going on about same sex couples and their influence on kids to make them ghey. She said she grew up with heterosexual parents and was surrounded by straight people all her life but still turned ghey. Good point I say.

Americans are flip floppers always trying to reverse laws on abortion or ghey marriage, now here in Callyfornia there is Prop 8 which is to get rid of ghey marriage in favour of traditional marriage. If the gheys want to suffer the slings and arrows of discontentment otherwise known as marriage I say let them.

C'mon right wingers let the gheys suffer too vote NO on prop 8. Marriage isn't taught in schools so it doesn't effect the kids in fact nothing is taught in schools today.
When I went to school which were the happiest 3 days of my life as you don't see the sky often when doon the pit we were taught the 3 'R's reeding, righting and rithmatic anything else I learned at the school of hard knocks but lube is common sense even for us blessed with the patented self lubricating foreskin .
Remember if you were circumcised that means yer parents hated you so you must be a total git.

For fucks sake is it Friday already I'm outta here its United nations day and time to celebrate.


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I'm Such A Rake

John McCain on conservation.

Here in SoCal I don't know why Yanks are so into lawns, there is no fucking water to be had. I know its a hold over from copying the English which is stupid in its self but in England water falls from the sky, this phenomenon is called 'rain' if it rains over here Southern Callyfornia cums to a halt and on the news '200 dead in train crash' gets bumped to # 2 story just after the rain.

A camera crew gets sent out to film cars going through a dip in the road that has a puddle and motorists are stopped to give their opinion on the rain "Yeah its wet and I don't like it, make it stop."

Shut the fuck up you rebelious colonial traitor in the UK the weather is the main topic of small talk because we actually have weather drizzle fo sizzle every fucking painful day.

I suffer from S.A.D. which is sex addiction disorder but thats beside the point when its cloudy and wet I becum a grumpy old fucker and when its dry and sunny I becum a grumpy old fucker.

In the UK you always get some cunt who complains about the cold so to counter that you have to say, "well at least its dry" which is a polite way of saying you yappy wanker stop getting on like some kind of *European* looking on the negative side.

The French during WWII

"Regard Pierre le Nazis out number us 3 to 1 we must eat le cheese and surrender tout sweet."

The English during WWII

"Wot oh Tommy the bloody Hun out number us 3 to 1 lets have a cup of tea then kill the blighters, oh use up the Irish first and maybe Jerry will run out of bullets ."

The Yanks during WWII

"Its 1939 I see no war."



A sign I like that clearly states the intentions of the home owner. You should know by now that I support the shooting of several people as a way to combat Global warming and the shortage of resources.
Why has no one during this world wide recession ever mentioned to stop feeding and looking after prisoners?
If their families and some bleeding heart liberals want to feed pedos and rapists then let them I do not support or condone either.
I have thrown the idea out into the world lets see if some forward thinker runs with it.



Here is the sign I want made up for my home. Maybe they exist as many things I think of already do.
Yes I know the CIA listen in on my phone calls and e-mails and some of you fellow bloggers are no doubt spooks. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!

Where is this post going? you may ask

Back to my young days as a male model would you not want to be violated by my young hot lips?...................... My eyes are up here.





*Brits aren't really European*

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Who Is Joe The Plumber?

Not a licensed plumber to start with. Plumbers aren't too bright at the best of times and those who masquerade as plumbers just to get the chicks are even worse. In the future everyone will be anonymous for 15 minutes Joe and many others have complained about the coverage he has got as they think that Obama's answer should have gotten more. Here is something to think about.

Tip #1: If you have evaded paying over $1000 in taxes do not appear in front of 50 cameras asking a presidential candidate a tax question he has answered many times.

Tip#2: Use a potato to bung up the end stop water gushing from a broken pipe until you can repair or turn it off.

Tip#3: If yer head looks like a potato do not shave it.

Tip#4: After trying to embarrass said presidential candidate by asking him a guilt laden question full of yer own personal details do not complain about the media coverage you receive after wards no one made you do it.

Tip#5: Do not meet and greet the press when they turn up at yer hoose.

Tip#6: If you say you don't like the coverage go into hiding, don't go onto the radio.

Tip#7: Accept the book deal thats bound to be offered.




UPDATE:

Knudsen the cunt asked presidential candidate John McCain if the economy was still sound the answer he received was "fundamentally".

He then asked him what will hurt more, losing the campaign or having lost Nam? At that point tax payer employed secret service moved in to kick Knudsen's shit in.

It turns out that Knudsen owes billions to Iceland and once rented out Platoon.


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Reasons To Stay In Bed And Wank

The tourist industry is red hot in Pakistan right now.

Pervez Musharraf the totally trustworthy leader of Pakistan needs yer money. He puts Bob Geldoff to shame with his begging.
The US have been supporting and funding him to seek out and kill Al Qeada who have a stronghold in Pakistan but Musharraf isn't too good with keeping receipts so the money just fades away."How can we hunt doon Al Qeada when we only have one working helicopter"? he says.

"George I need some more money" " What happened to the 10 billion we gave you?" "well it just doesn't go as far as you think."

The US have given him over 10 billion dollars so far and strangely enough the only ones in the cuntry right now that aren't feeling the world wide recession is Al Qaeda who don't keep their money in banks, a lesson there for us all.
If you have a terrorist organisation and receive money from a sympathetic government who is conning a super power don't be tempted to put yer money into a 5 year tax exempt bank account to build interest, instead invest yer money in opium and AK-47's as they never go out of style or lose value.

Benazir Bhutto was feared by the west because she was a woman and not so military minded as Musharraf but at least she wouldn't be making the west look like dickheads by double dipping a true waste of potential and Musharraf got away with murder.


Miss Pakistan calls Musharraf a hunk I wonder what she would call me.

China who makes corners for the Pakkies to build their corner shops on have even turned them doon fo money, things are tight all over and Pakistan is one broken doon shit heap just don't forget they also have nukes.
In the wrong hands India might be bombed and then the west would be in turmoil, people will not be able to get through to call centres and millions of out sourced jobs would be lost ............... on second thoughts c'mon you lazy Al Qaeda cunts do I have to do all the thinking for yas?


A cold war dinosaur? and what about Putin?

Russia is also facing recession which is bad as they had just launched an offensive upon Georgia which is somewhere on the other side of the Rockies from me so I don't give a fuck. Putin is going on the cover of Playgurl to raise some money.

I have superior general knowledge to most Americans but this whole deep south thing confuses me. Alabama and Mississippi are in the deep south of America but Brazil is in south America and America is full of nuts and Brazil is where the nuts cum from so why is it only the black gurls in America that have those nice Brazilian arses?

All the Nazis went to south America after the war so why is the Pacific Northwest full of white supremacists ? are they going to try some kind of pincer attack? if so I'm ready.

The Modesty police forced me to write doon names of bloggers who dress like hoors, don't worry MJ you dress like a stripper.

Speaking of Nazis the Jews in Israel which is one fucked up holy land have been going round beating and stoning weemen for the way they dress. How modest do you have to be to join the Jewish Modesty police, "hey that was some brick you landed on her head" " it was nothing you threw a few good rocks yerself."

Religious fanatics of any kind should be tortured until they repent to the one true God of love and Presbyterianism and then burned at the stake as they were probably lying.

Governor Palin has been caught out again abusing her power, she has been putting her daughter's travelling expenses onto the state's bill. Two weeks to go and seriously who wants a liar who can't even avoid getting caught in the Whitehoose? have you not had enough of them?

Obama might pull out because his granny is dying, suck it up lad what are you 9? my granny died at the dinner table during Christmas dinner and we kept eating as its what she would have wanted, she was always the attention hoor anyway.



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They Came In Peace

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Well Dressed Mong

Mr Blackwell the poof who slags off the silly Hollywood bints and their horrible dresses has died aged 86. Famous for his Worse dressed lists he passed away from ghey abandon in Los Angeles with his partner-manager Robert Spencer by his side, he was wearing Versace.



I hated the pass remarkable fucker, especially after the time he said I looked like Richard Harris going for a tramp in the woods when I attended the Killamory premiere of 'Live Free or Die Hard' as seen above. It was a shite film but Bruce begged me to show up. I said "Bruce ya burned me on The Jackal how do I know this isn't crap too?"

After his hurtful comment I became a recluse for 3 weeks and did nothing but fuck hoors and drink excessive amounts of alcohol or mouth wash when I ran out. Well it was only a coincidence that I had went on the binge after his remark as I had planned on it anyway.

I say this to you Mr Blackwell even though yer dead and you can't hear me, it doesn't matter how I dress as I have a blog and an accent and so can get me hole anywhere on Earth. If only you could think about that............. Ka-Chow!


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Those Hoors Will Pay For Having Taste

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