Dolphins Have No Porpoise Kill Em All.

Shes old and if shes gonna die so will the fucking Whales, I know how old people think, I've met some.

I used to work for the Florida Underwater Research and Discovery Institute and one of the things I had to look into was the effect that party balloons had on the environment.

Every year tens of thousands of balloons are released for such causes as freedom, remembrance, promotions or to celebrate the environment, they give a few thousand people a brief 3 minute spectacle before they fly out of sight. Where do they go to?
You might get some school kid that finds a balloon with 'herpes awareness day' written on it and goes and asks his parents a lot of awkward questions, or one might land in the arse end of Ireland and they end up worshipping it, "all hail the great Lipiptor" you know what they're like*.
So where did the rest go to?

As the world is mostly water they probably came down and floated into nonexistence, I'll tell ya what happens, those fucking Dolphins and Whales that are supposed to be so smart bloody well ate them, the deflated balloon wrapped itself around the inner ears of said fish (away and shite about them being mammals, I know what a fish looks like) which gives them uncontrollable cravings for things like pickled onions, pickled eggs and even potted herring, vinegar is the key which is why they beach themselves and swim up the Thames like a total twat, in search of these foods.

Obviously they blow the balloons out their blowholes but by then the damage is done.
You don't need a PHD in arse scratching (the most common PHD to get) to figure this one out.
I really don't know just how I got the job, I spent the research grant on a really cool Ford Capri, the rest was spent at the pub and on family sized buckets of KFC and I squandered the rest.


What a cool fucking car.

Children are not our future, they may be a potential source of food but at the moment they are the unwitting perpetrators to fishocide, the people that buy a balloon for a child is the same kind of person that after a bit of rough in the park throws the used condom on the path not only to be seen by all who pass but to choke a Mole or a Bat that can't see and can only smell the delicious protein inside, to be honest I don't care, I got paid.



*very clever and funny and please don't hurt me ya pagan savages.*