Party Animal.

I belang tae Glesga, dear old Glesga toon.

I'm suffering alright, I think I've come down with something maybe it was an off can of beer or something, I tried to lie doon but I got a case of the whirlypits . I did feel better after a boak which I refuse to clean up, don't worry in a week it will dry up and shrink and you'll hardly know it was even there, at times like this I miss having a woman around, or a dog, the only real difference between the two is that one out right refuses to lick my man parts and the other will do it if I rub gravy around me bits, I won't tell you which is which.

To celebrate Saint Andrew's day I went to a party, not one with music and gurls I mean how old do you think I am? me and Billy one ear went doon to Bobbie's hoose, Bobby is a daft cunt who was made redundant from the printing factory, he won't tell us how much he got but hes had a couple of holidays to Ibiza and got his hoose done up with stone cladding , not to mention a big TV and stereo system and as I also found out late one night that he had a new burglar alarm installed, the paranoid fucker, it scared 7 shades of shite out of me, I out ran Steve Cram, Steve Ovett and Steve fucking Austin that night.

He invited us doon saying that it was all on him no need to bring any drink, he thinks he can buy our friendship with free drink, well hes right we all have a price.
I got doon there and saw that Harry Carry and Butcher's boy Marky were there too, Bobby had 4 cases of Carlsberg lager and big plastic bottles of Woodpecker cider. I can't stand that cider shite but so that those others fuckers didn't drink it all I poured it half 'n' half with beer thus transforming it into a Snakebite, yes I am a Wizard.

Bobby played some Andy Stewart on the stereo just to show off the sound then we settled doon to watch Rob Roy with that Irish shite Liam Neeson in it (no offense to any Irish shites reading this) and then of course Braveheart.

Bobbie's wife Carol poured us bowls of crisps and salted nuts and then a tray of sausage rolls. A fine looking woman is that Carol, we had a thing a few years back, at first I felt bad about it for Bobbie's sake then I got to know him and as hes a twat I no longer feel bad , he sits up in his attic with his model train set all day and you can't let a woman like Carol go to waste, the other lads agree with me though I think shes seeing some bloke from Glasgow right now, I hope hes had his shots.

We cheered at the English getting killed and we cried when the beer ran out, we kept dropping hints to Bobby but hes a thick cunt going on about High definition and surround sound, when the movies were over and he saw we weren't going home so he thought he was going to be a cunnyfunt and pulled out the Sound of music DVD, I believe he thought we would leave rather than watch that shite, instead of leaving we turned on him.

Carol who was sitting in the kitchen hardly looked up from reading her Mills and Boons as we carried the squealing Bobby to the bathroom, she did however inform us what razors we could use and not to make a mess,(what a woman) I did the honours of the face and parts of the head and Harry shaved the Netherlands, silly bugger nicked his nut sack and got covered in blood. Marky who always carried a permanent marker with him incase he has the compulsion to write his name on something drew a pair of glasses on him and across Bobbie's face I wrote, 'The hills are alive' and gave him a Hitler moustache where is old one was a few minutes ago.

Bobby can't take a joke and when we were done he locked himself into the bathroom crying and trying to stem the bleeding from his baw bag, in case you were wondering his cock wasn't very big, and he had been circumcised, none of us knew he was Jewish ah well that will teach him for running out of drink oh and killing Jesus.

Taking some money out of Bobbie's wallet we went and had some Chinese, well I'm assuming we did because as soon as the air hit me I'm a blank I only have my vomit to tell me what I ate.
A good night all the same I feel well Scottish.


Update

From Belgium I got some dirty shite searching for Hot midget sex, as my post had nothing to do with midgets and was cleverly designed to waste the time of perverts who aren't me, ha ha!