I Do Have A Life You Know.

Kylie Minogue stepped back onto the stage in Sydney for the first time in 18 months since she was diagnosed with breast cancer, she had surgery in Melbourne and chemotherapy in Paris where she stayed with her boyfriend Sasha Distel, while there she wrote a children's book and launched her own perfume called Darling, what a lazy bitch.

Sasha Distel who is obviously French.

The other week when I had the Flu, well it was more like a bad cold, you should have seen the greeners I was coughing up, they could have fed an African village for a week with a dessert of snot.
I wasn't a lazy bint sitting around in ghey parree, oh no I wrote 2 children's books 'seen and not heard' and 'do as I say not as I do', my third book ' while you live under this roof' is still in the works.

A serial frog lover, disgusting.

I continued to spew out my poison on this blog causing 2 of my readers to question their existence and delete their blogs (you didn't even notice in the links did you?) the break up of 1 of my reader's marriage, (she wasn't right for you anyway mate) and I got Robyn to call me a "cunty old fucker" in a private e-mail when I called Dr Seuss a quack and compared him to Dr Joseph Goebbels, inventer of the 6 minute abs and head of the Nazi propaganda organization, it was the whole Hitler in the hat speech that did it for me.


Jay Kay from Jamiroquai, The Cat in the hat.


I launched my own aftershave, 'Odour de Oldman' I came up with the idea when I passed 2 hot older weemen with those sexy blue rinse hair dos and got a whiff of their overwhelming old lady perfume , that's good stuff alright its the hint of piss that has the effect on the male libido, I'm getting horny just thinking about it.
Now we men are no longer the victims of lust we now have control , we can take the role of the sexual predator at last, speaking of which I made it to the top 10 of our local sex offender's list, if old Knudsen isn't offensive to all the sexes then you can have your money back.

Someone who is offended by Old Knudsen's sex.

The cruel and unusual death threats that came from Robyn were quite impressive I rescind everything I said, just don't do that thing with the red hot pliers ok? it was just a wee joke, heh heh.


I also clipped my toenails, having only one foot really cuts the time in half and while I'm on the subject why do I have to buy a pair of slippers? the foot on my wooden leg doesn't get cold, I've tried to buy one slipper at half the price but they won't let me, fucking footwear nazis, if there are any lawyers reading, that feel the legal system hasn't been abused enough contact me and we'll file a lawsuit, beats chasing ambulances.

See Kylie? I did all of that in a week , pull yer finger out and learn from the protestant work ethic, multitask gurl, on the way to the shops throw the odd half brick through the window of a suspected Catholic, Muslim, Slav or local MP, does it really matter if you get the right hoose or not? its the hate crime that counts, now get busy lass.



To Pick or not to pick, that is the question, having a wedgie brought back her failing career.