Yay Its A Leap Year And No I Won't Marry You

Stare at this picture and see how long it takes you to puke. A reader displaying his love for me, what have you cunts done for me lately?

I've posted during the other events of the year but today is special its a leap year, mainly because people don't know what the fuck they are doing, a bit like daylight saving time.

Today is a lucky day to start a project or endeavour, since its Friday that might include drinking a different type of beer or fulfilling yer dream of shagging a midget up the shitter, I don't know what you sick fucks are into.

Its also a day deemed proper for weemen to ask men to marry them so go on then get married for the novelty of it not to mention the savings on anniversary gifts and its not like yer going to forget the date.
Its said to be bad luck to turn a woman doon on this day so heap on the peer pressure and mess with peoples OCD why don't you.

Never fear for the greatest nation in the world has cum up with an answer. The Scots believe they are immune to any bad luck if the woman doesn't show a scarlet petticoat under her dress. Feel free to use this excuse to crush any woman's dream who tries to trap you with marriage.

Every leap year Lemons leap off a Cliff, I have no idea why they do this.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.

What do you call a woman with Old Knudsen's cock in her mouth? Yer ma.................................or his ma.

So Christmas has Santa, Easter has a bunny what does a Leap day have? A high body count?

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Heroes And Anti-Heroes

Captain Andrea Ourada is a Blackhawk pilot serving in Iraq. I for one would not mind serving under her. I don't have any problem taking orders from a woman such as, "no not like that like this and roughly from behind." I am an enlightened male and in touch with my feminine side, I like to touch.
I would not mind going doon in her Blackhawk I salute you ma'am.

Careful with that shooter little lady. The 9 mil Beretta under her left arm has a pink princess sticker on it, isn't she cute?

I've been wondering about something. Do we bloggers have a responsibility for what we post? Here is a hypothetical question.

Say there was a brilliant blogger who set up a news blog with real news stories but exaggerated certain parts of the stories to make them more funny even though most of them are ridiculous enough.

And maybe he threw in the odd post that was just entirely made up. Nothing wrong with that as long as its stated that its satire on the profile and at the bottom of the blog right?

Well what happens if someone reads a made up story and discusses it and links to it from their site believing it to be real? Maybe this has happened three times or so with various stories. What I'm wondering is.

Are we bloggers responsible for morons that don't get that its satire?

.

Are actors on TV responsible for nutjobs who call them by their character's name in the street and ask them about something their character said 4 years ago?

.

Does everyone believe what they see and read on the Interweb? or do they just see and read what they want to?

.

The age of the gullible and the lazy my friends. Students who cite Wikkipedia and Old Bitter Balls as sources on their school papers.

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Stay Away From The Lite, Only Gheys Drink Lite Beer

I really get sick of ghost shows on the telly that has the investigators in the dark looking for spooky shit and once something happens they run like fuck.
I want to spend the night at these places but oh no they send some stupid cunt who is all talk until its dark.

Maybe because I like the dark more than the daylight, I feel a comfort in it my other senses take over so the lack of vision isn't too bad.

As a young un I'd creep about the hoose in the dark like a Ninja. Even in the daylight if I was coming doon the stairs and I hear someone coming out of the living room I'd press myself against the wall at the foot of the stairs and will myself invisible. I didn't really go invisible but it was like I did as people would pass me just inches away without seeing me. Everyone one else always seemed so noisy and clumsy.

Ghosts and spirits are a given, from past and present experiences I know they are real.
I have a very limited ability when it comes to psychic stuff and I question everything. Its hard for me to believe without proof and I even go as far as to doubt things I see and feel.

I try to keep an open mind and each to their own etc.

I like ghost stories and recently I've had the pleasure of meeting some psychic types, I want to ask them questions and dissect their minds but psychics are a little crazy if you ask me which probably aides their abilities but getting an answer is like Russian Roulette sometimes, ah well I'm just glad they haven't recognised me as an evil entity yet so yay me.

One blog I have been reading is by WarriorWitch a new comer to the blogosphere but quite interesting she did this story about a ghost lady which I liked and remember Old Knudsen is not the only thing that goes bump in the night.


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Muck Spreading

Obama, Osama, Osama, Obama.

You've probably seen the latest pictures to be conveniently released of Obama wearing a turban just at the time he is stomping Hilary into the dirt.

I don't see anything wrong with wearing a turban if maybe you have some head wound or yer hair is wet.

The Cherokees wore turbans, that's the tribe cunty baws Andrew Jackson of Ulster/Scots descent kicked off their land in order to get their gold even though they won the right to stay in whiteman's court. Do you have to be a cunt to be president or does it just help?

Poor Obama is seen here in this picture taking a power nap while his mate goes on about how hard it is to hang wall paper in a cave or something.

I'm not saying that it was Hilary's camp who released the photo because Democraps like to think of themselves as intellectual, fair people but in reality they are just as bad as Republicans.

People tend to have a short memory don't forget the Keating Lincoln Savings and Loan's corruption case of the 1980's that John McCain was involved in and then go on about honour and integrity. Where is the honour in bombing a 3rd world enemy from a jet plane? Go be a tunnel rat, fly boy then talk to me about honour and integrity at least they faced those they were to kill.

Now definitely don't forget about Hanoi Hilary, seen here rejoicing in a viet cong victory and heres me thinking she was all for American police actions abroad when she supported the war of terror. Well unlike Bush I suppose its good she actually went to war.

Now don't go upstairs Hil as Bill has some of his young friends over tonight. Why don't you go get them refreshments or something like a good little wifey.

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LOL Kittens More Like SOS Kittens

I just got this new microwavey and I'm just working out how to use it. Billy one ear tells me you need a box in order to get any channels which I think is a fucking rip off, that's how they make their money like extended warrantees. Go buy a computer but refuse to buy the extended warrantee and watch the salesman's face drop.

I did that once and what do you know that Olivetti piece of shit lasted the warrantee then my cat decided to piss on the thing. Fucking cats I suspect they are agents of the lemurs sent to infiltrate and harass us.

Which day is the first day of the week? some say Sunday but I say Monday. If its based on when God had his day off which was the 7th day called the Sabbath which was originally Saturday as Christianity allegedly cums from Judaism. Now with Protestant wisdom Sunday is seen as the day of rest and Saturday is drinking day and fight night.
So if Sunday is the day of rest it follows that its the 7th day right? So Monday is the first day of the week.

I remember when Sundays were ghost towns, the only thing that was open was the newsagents so you'd get yer paper and a carton of milk. No fast food places and no 24 hour anything.

The pubs would only be open for a couple of hours. I hated Sundays as there was nothing to do and boring songs of praise shite was on the telly and considering we only had 3 TV channels until the early 80's that was quite bad.

You can watch car racing on one channel, cars going round and round whats the point? some program for deaf people on another with dopey cunts doing sign language and making silly faces or you could watch a farming show on the third.

The worse part about a Sunday then was if you had forgotten to buy drink you were fucked.

I never slept well on Sunday night because I was pissed off at how fast the weekend went and now it was nearly time for work. Yer head would be turning over and you'd sleep without knowing you did.
Every couple of hours I'd grab my alarm clock and try to make out what time it was in the dark, then I'd count how many hours I had until I had to get up.

If I had to get up at 6am I'd wake at 5.30am still tired I'd look at the clock and then fall deeply asleep then my alarm would go off.

I like to be woken up gently, when that sort of stuff happens yer whole body is in shock and you don't even get a stiffy. The whole day it out of sorts.

I salute weemen because in the mornings my gag reflex is at ultra sensitive. I've been known to walk doon a street, choke and puke in the early mornings, how weemen take my 12 inches of man meat without choking is beyond me. One of the many reasons I didn't advance far in military ranks.

Aren't sperm so cute looking? how can some weemen spit them out? heartless bitches.

Breakfast is tough when its early I reckon I'm no a morning person, just say hello to me and find out. I once killed a man for saying a cheery "good morning" as I stomped him to death I shouted "whats so go about it huh? huh?" it was during a job interview and I never got it even though I wore a fucking tie.

I had this thing about eggs. I love eggs and I love chicken in fact I lived with a hen as my common law wife once, the divorce was messy but tasty.

I want to ride a hot midget before I die, that was on my list of ambitions to do in life just after making a species of animals extinct, fucking Dodos that'll teach them.

For a long time In the mornings I couldn't eat eggs because I'd imagine them cumming out of the chicken's bum as I ate and so I would gag. I don't need an anatomy lesson as to where eggs cum out its their bum and that's that.

I've over that now, well I cringe when shell gets into my fried egg when I break it. Which is funny as I have ate things that fell on the floor no probs if only my psychiatrist didn't have that restraining order against me, ah well that's what a blog is for.

So back to the top, I'm placing bets that not only can I get this microwavey to work but I can also get those feline cunts to spill the beans about the lemur plans for conquest. Why does Billy keep saying "Clean up on aisle 5" and laughing ?

Warning post may contain graphic midget images.

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Boring With A Side Of Dull

I am a movie hoor, I love the Hollywood stars and good films. I usually predict the Oscar winners with a fair amount of success I mean who didn't know that last year Martin Scorsese could have filmed Leo Di Caprio having a dump and still would have got the best director cos it was his turn and a standing joke that he loses. Clint got it the year before and Clooney well was the rookie so they threw him the best supporting actor in Syriana, that over hyped turd on a stick, sure he was good but c'mon its all politics not based on the performances.

Julie Christie the ex hottie will make mental illness the new fake nose, in fact if she wore a fake nose and played an Alzheimers sufferer there would be no doubt.

The films this year are dull second rate crappy jobbies full of has beens and B and D listers. Clooney looks to be the only star about the place.

None of the films are ones in which I sit up and say, "I really want to watch that" its like they are trying too hard to go against the usual shitty formula films and can only see an Ocsar as the be all and end all.

I'm not even going to watch it, "who are you wearing?" asks the melting puffer fish Joan Rivers, "yer ma" is my answer then she rudely ignores me to talk to emaciated Knightly, " do you have a eating disorder?" for fucks sake is the pope a Fenian?

Remember when I won my Oscar for 'Best Actor' in 'Site Meter'

A burnt out blogger on the edge who had enough with the blogosphere and finds he is being stalked by a bad blogger. Remember the line, " Moderation is for monks" when I took my comments off moderation and no longer gave a fuck? The crying scenes were the hardest, I thought about my father dying, the cunt isn't dead yet which is what upset me so much and then that fucking fake nose kept falling off.

In protest for the Oscars being so blah I have beheaded Edward Norton, don't worry his career was over years ago.

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I Just Took A Dump

I have gone through my links and weeded out those not giving me love but still taking mine. Blogs that don't link to me or did but dropped me and I was still linking to them, heartless bastards.
I was surprised by some of those who dropped me as they are people I like but what can you do ? I'll try not to take it personal, people go off you or some how you inadvertently offend them, probably liberal, ghey, Catholic, Arab lovers with pedophilic leanings anyway yes you know who you are.

If you feel I have removed you by mistake or would like a link or even removed e-mail me. People just popping up out of the blue will not be believed as I have the smell of spammers in the air yet again. For fucks sake does the NHS not medicate ?

Ah well I feel better that I have lightened my load I've decided to be a cult icon as I'm doing ok at this lark with my minimum of effort, then again just think if I put all my posts from all my blogs into one blog the yapping I'd get from people calling me prolific and telling me to slow doon and the like. Its no my fault my brain works at the double.

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Even Twats Have To pay The Rent

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Annoyed Again, Click My Pay Pal Button To Find Out Why

I do this blogging shite for free, mainly because I enjoy it also because no one will pay me to post pictures of Putin taking David Hasselhoff's full erect cock in his mouth or midgets getting fucked by big dogs. No idea why not.
I'm not a writer struggling to publish a book like a million other bloggers . I did write a 40 page sci-fi story on a typewriter a few years back. I read it after it was done, thought it was shite and threw it out.

Sure there is nothing wrong with wanting to make a bit of money at this lark just as long as you put it into context. I've linked to people in the past only to have them turn out to be an on-line shop masquerading as a blog. I have nothing against bloggers having a real life business I may link to but I don't like over doing it. I don't know how many pennies you earn a year by pimping out yer blog to sell books, that's just not for me. Besides books have had their day. Newspapers are struggling against the on-line competition and closing doon. I have given up all hope after The Weekly World News stopped publishing, where now will I read about Bat-boy or Elvis found on the moon, oh yeah on my news blog where the real news with fake bits is free!

I have trouble getting round my ton of links sometimes because I have dial-up then after 5 minutes I get there only to find nothing new since last month (as soon as I visit they always post) so I mostly visit those who comment and try to get round to the rest when I can. I only network with comments now'a'days to spread the word of my greatness so no one misses out.

I click on my links to find they have changed to private blogs and imagine me not getting an invite or they have deleted their blog and someone wants to sell me a car instead. Or they had a make over with their blog (ADHD bloggers that can't stay still for a minute) and wait, Old Bitter Balls has vanished from their links? I used to be the next big thing you know I was somebody once. Hey how come BoringMcFuckwit Blog is still up? fuck I'm petty I just wish some peeps would have some taste in blogs, look I have a blog for everything bitter, don't complain to me about the lack of naked pictures when I have a naked picture blog that will soon link to a Cheerleader blog:::::::sighs:::::::::: I like the shape weemen are made in but I digress.

I clicked onto a blog I haven't been on in a while, sure I was missing from the links whatever, they just went missing from mine. I counted and they had at least 24 adverts for all sorts of shit on their sidebar. Its their blog and they can do what they want but it just smacks of desperation. I'm an artist not a businessman so I guess its hard for me to understand sometimes then again if you wanted ads then you wouldn't want TIVO.

I have recently linked to a lot of great blogs on this and my news blog, nice people so I'll endure their money grabbing ways as long as they stay nice and don't let the fame of blogging change them but I think I'll go through my links and make sure everyone is still about and blogging. I'll cut a few loose, mainly the big blogs that don't link to me or anyone, they won't miss me and probably don't like me anyway I'm just feeling a little anti-fame at the minute and its not like they comment so off with their links.

Commercial break

From the makers of Old Bitter Balls and Old Ball Buster cums Frank Free Fearless OBB News, a new spin on stories that no one can be arsed reporting on and the stuff they don't tell you.

I do want to thank some of my readers who draw my attention to some things on the Interweb and have sent me pictures using the line, "I saw this and I thought about you" I appreciate the thought that counts and actually like to get birthday cards without money in them, so if I don't mention where it came from tough but thanks for the thought and no doubt I replied to you thanking you.

Old Knudsen does not rule out an on-line business for himself in the future, he won't however shit where he eats.

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Thats Hot

What do ya get if you cross Pakistan dictator Pervez Musharraf with dead eyed/brained hottie Paris Hilton?

Perez Hilton.

Yes my secret is out, I really can't be arsed today, heres something cheerful from William Butler Yeats.

The Moods

Time drops in decay,
Like a candle burnt out,
And the mountains and the woods
Have their day, have their day;
What one in the rout
Of the fire-born moods
Has fallen away?

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Half Naked Thursday And Some Words

Taken during the summer when I had worked out a little, those are my range of ' Old Seamen©' designer boxer shorts, at a Primark near you.

I have come to the conclusion that the Bishop of Leeds has infiltrated the Blogosphere to silence Bloggers as he tried to do with me. Agents of said Diocese has started blogs with ideas to stop the freedom of speech that we hold so dear yet don't use out of fear of being ostracised. Fear is for the weak and I hate those ostrich cunts with their long necks and sexy/tasty legs.

Don't speak with yer mouth full, thats 10 Sieg Heil Marys and a good buggering.

I also suspect they have been compiling files on us too by spreading the disease known as tagging for memes. It is indeed fortunate that I am a compulsive liar, or am I ? I am only warning you all as I love a respect my readers and even with yer high intelligence this may have escaped you.

Yep I'm a liar alright.

You may get a visit from this Man in black telling you it was just his ball sack bouncing off Ur anus or something.

Here are the tricks to stop us speaking:


Mute Monday .................. Pictures put up on blogs following a theme.

Tongue less Tuesday ......... Not yet created but who doesn't like tongue?

Wordless Wednesday .......... Pictures put up as a post.

Half Naked Thursday ............. Unseemly Blogger flesh on display, not much to be said except kind words like "yer so hot from that angle in the dark"

Fank Fuck Its Friday .............. Get the work finished before you quit work so no blogging done.

Silent Saturday ...................... Not at work so no Blogging to do and drinking to be done.

Speechless Sunday .............. Hung over, fuck Blogging.
.


It must be the Bishop of Leeds as he is my arch Nemesis and hey it is all about me. You lot with yer YouTubes and LOLcats are the weak links he'll use to get to me. Remember they said Stalin was paranoid, ok a bad example. Jack the Ripper had feelings of persecution and they were real right? fight the fight and take back our words .................. if you can be arsed, I can't to be honest .


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Castro The Dead Spide

Chav, White trash, Ned, whatever, pimp up yer Spide.

Is that KFC? do you deliver?

What a funny world we have going on at the minute I can't wait to see what Pervez Musharraf in Pakistan is going to pull out of his hat to stay in power now that he was talked into doing that democracy crap, you'd think that people could see by now that it doesn't work.

Kosovo has claimed independence and has been recognised by America, Britain, France and Germany to name a few. Spain and Russia say no. Ever since we bitch slapped the Spanish Armada in 1588 and I made their commander Medina Sidonia gag on my huge cock (as was the way back then) before sending him off to breed with the Irish I couldn't care less about the Spaniards, whose ascared of Al Qaeda? Spain is!

Only the Russians would think about making Russian Roulette easier. For ages 3 and up.

Now the Russians are just crazy brutal cunts, you'd better pay yer gas bill on time or they will point their nukes at you. They are feeling a little surrounded at the moment which is worrying because they are bound to push back, threatening the Ukraine with nuclear holocaust if they joined NATO is just the start, this Kosovo thing is the start to the new cold war.

Where am I and why am I wet?

Fidel Castro has stepped doon as dictator by writing a letter of resignation, yeah right. I killed that cunt way back in August 2007, anything they say don't believe it. Who would you believe commies or me?
No change for Cuba as Bush still sees the Castros in charge.

Most importantly was that singer/crackhoor Amy Winehoose won 5 Granny awards which is named after the inventor of the Granny Smith apple.
Obama won one for his audio book beating Bill Clinton (again) as Bill was getting sucked off during the taping and didn't enunciate as well.

I'm not much of a Winehoose fan I can't get past the drugs/drinking and face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle. Yeah yeah a tortured artist who has it so bad, I do understand her somewhat as I have a degree in pop psychology.

Sure she suffers from depression, with a face like that what can you expect ? yet another of Gods jokes, I knew this lass named Anne, she was 18 but looked 40, ugly as sin with a humped back but she could sure sing like some Goblin Angel thing.

Depressed people sometimes get so bad that they see no other option than to give up and cave in or others allow themselves to give up as a form of woe is me attention. Going by her lyrics she has allowed herself to be self-destructive as a self-fulfilling prophecy thing, "don't get close to me cos I'll bore of you and burn you as I burn myself." I've heard some of her songs and they are catchy and good, she writes what she knows like the best bloggers do and its from the back of the head and the heart.

Winehoose has been compared to the likes of Janis Joplin or Billie Holiday I hate that shit its like when they call a film the new Die Hard or something instead of just rating it on its own merits.

People have a rosy memory of those famous figures from the past, just look at JFK that man was a total prick but now people go on about how great he was and what did he do? Theres a lot between saying and doing.

Speaking of daughters isn't she hot? shes someones daughter you know.

Back to the Grannys, Natalie Cole the daughter of Nat King Cole said that Winehoose shouldn't get the awards because she isn't a good influence on kids. Cole has done drugs in her time and has gotten clean (allegedly) I think that's the pot calling the kettle black if you pardon the pun. I remember Natalie Cole, she was famous for 5 minutes in the 80's when she used her dead father on video to record a duet, a totally forgettable song that I can't remember right now but hey what a classy way to get fame, beats talent anyday.

Yank: "Don't you gesture at me you brown person, you'd be speaking German if it wasn't for us." Brown Person:"Sir er madam please calm doon." Yank: "USA USA USA!"

Cole is just miffed that a Brit won big and someone as cool as Britney (don't let the name fool you shes a yank) wasn't there to show them how its done.

Cool Britannia! I'd hoist that up my flag pole.


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LOLcats Are Fucking Shite

Not only do I hate all that 14 year-old idiot talk like LOL , BRB and BFF but I also hate cats, well not hate, I reserve the word hate for things that really get on my goat like horse fighting in the Philippines or Bishops from Leeds who think they can throw their weight around.

Cats annoy me, like Ted Bundy how everyone said he was good looking and charming but behind the smile he was a stone killer.

I've had cats so I know what ungrateful cunts they can be and as I sit here typing as usual I can smell cat piss from outside, how many times do I have to piss on my own hoose to mark my territory? when they start paying the bills they can start pissing on my door and hedges.

LOLmong

That LOLcat thing has been around for 10 years or so and I'm fucked as to why people think spelling like a mong over a cat picture is funny, now mongs are funny, nothing like taunting a mong with their big happy face to get yer day started, retards and ugly people are like God's photoshop, he gets bored so he makes a few up and laughs like fuck, LOLmongs.

Yeah yeah you know a mong or yer sister is one, feel bad Old Knudsen and shame on you well yer sister may be a tard but yer ugly and stupid too whats yer excuse? HA!

LOLTaliban

I know these aren't funny but neither is the cats and I don't spell like a mong I spell like an uneducated person, theres a fucking difference. You can insult mongs cos they don't know any better but insult a man's culture then you had better wipe them out and put them on reservations.

In case you missed this the other times I've posted it.

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You Go On, Don't Wait For Me

I've always wanted to be a waiter believe it of not. Ever since being a small child gazing up as the God like men in the little aprons filled up our glasses with snooty contempt and made us wait for our food as long as they wanted, that was true power, my mother would say to me, "Hey thingy, stop staring at the waiters, they're all gheyers you know, unless yer a gheyer of course" which would cause all my siblings and my father to laugh and call me gheyer for the rest of the afternoon, ah happy days.

I've only ever played at being a waiter in MI6 when I posed as one to poison a Russian diplomat or when Ethel cums round and we play a role playing sex game, "How about I serve you and I give you the tip madam?" "How rude, let me speak to the manager" she'd say in pretend outrage, " Here he is" as I unzipped my trousers, "Dick the manager, time to manage dick if you can handle it, if yer not full up you soon will be." Then I'd give her, her just deserts........ in the arse.

My waiting dream has cum true, eat yer black cold heart out manuel.

You've heard of those restaurants that serve sashimi, sushi or whale from the body of a woman, well Billy's Burgers in Killamory has gone upscale and has not only put in more seats and fixed the toilets but is doing that naked thing also.

You would think it was a sexy thing to do but here is the grim reality of it all.

One of the gurls or platters as we call them was on her period and one of the customers complained his steak was rare not well done, as soon as we realised that Mags the platter was on her moons we both saw the funny side and he happily ate his steak.

"Knudsen the crisps for table four is ready" (chips to you Yanks)

Its hard to get hot young gurls to work naked for £3.50 an hour so some of our platters are shall we say, big boned? Ok then some of our gurls are big meaty wagons but we worked this to our advantage by filling up their belly buttons with ketchup so as they lie on the table you dip yer chips (french fucking fries you Yanks) into them and the beauty is they fill them up themselves.

Here is Brenda one of our dippers, I hope thats ketchup.

I had a customer the other night who said, " theres a pube in my burger" so I said "what do ya want me to do about it?" and he replied " nothing I'm just telling everyone its fucking class man."
It was class cos his platter was the extremely hot Elena who gets more than £3.50 an hour from the owner.

Elena and her fur burger...........yummy, finger lickin good.

Some of the Killamory gurls need to work on their fucking manners but they aren't as bad as the hoors from Arbroath the only good thing in Arbroath is the number of VD clinics there are there but you could always do with more.

We have Tracy from Arbroath who we have had nothing but trouble with, we have told her not to smoke when she is lying on the tables as people feed off her naked body at least wait until they light up (fuck the no smoking laws) also stop farting too, when she gets up there is always a big wet patch and you have to scrub her table doon and air it out before you can use it again.

The only reason we don't fire her is because her arse is nice and deep and perfect for the hot fudge sundaes.

"I just want someone to get my fucking food, I'm a law student I know my rights, come see the violence inherent in the restaurant world ."

Fuck I hate mouthy students.

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Drink From The Furry Cup My Friend

A few years ago I was recalled, no not because my wiring was faulty or because I pissed the bed a lot. I was recalled back into the company. Once you join the CIA you never leave. What I am about to tell you is super duper top secret so don't go spreading it about.

Silly ragheaded cunts plotted to kill the artist that drew this cartoon of Muhammed, all that achieved was to have the cartoon republished as an example of free speech..... enjoy my sandsavage friends.

It was late March in 2004, I was aboard a black company (CIA)transport plane flying low at night under the radar with 3 other operatives named, Dax, Thumper, Ninja and of course me 'The Stormbringer' we don't use real names but we were all aware of each others reputation, I wouldn't like to have to fight either of them, they would viciously kill you twice just for pleasure.

We touched doon at camp SG19 in Northern Arizona, I can't tell you what inflight movies we watched for yer own safety because its classified but one did involve fast and furious car chases and another was set in Japan about some old bloke that nearly shags some gurl with lips like a puffer fish, ba ba ba ba ba ba boring!

Nope I can't go to the pub today, I'm cleaning out my sex doll .

We walked into a black hangar, why are all the secret things black? are secret Santas black? if so do they live at the North pole too? and what about little white lies? do you get big well endowed black lies?

Speaking of black check out the rubbish in her boot, I want to spank that booty, I would totally hit her.

The new hit song from Take That.

The hangar was full of offices and shifty looking people popping valiums to help with their over developed paranoia. We were guided to a small room with tables and plastic chairs, for fucks sake my arse was going to sweat like an altar boy at a priest convention in Leeds.

I heard the Diocese of Leeds was full of pedos, just saying what I heard, more free speech for ya, go on kill me.

We took our seats and in walked a broad shouldered military type in a black suit, his thick neck and short blonde crew cut gave him away, probably Marines as he looked like a rapist he was call-signed 'Teacher' but we called him Hank, don't worry people its not like Al Qaeda can work computers they won't find out.

He started off by telling us about our enemy, "The raghead terrorist is dedicated, hes fearless, he never gets laid so therefore is angry, he hates puppies, kittens, long walks on the beach and sexy weemen. He is ruthless, murderous and has the sense of humour of a Catholic. Petty oppression is his way in the name of religion, we shall in the name of freedom and of course Christianity oppress him."

Hot weemen pouring pints I will kill 1000 Islamofacists with my bare hands to defend this.

He had me at hating kittens, I was as erect as Al Gore was when he won his Nobel peace price for making a mockumentary.
I stood up and said "Let me at the buggers," Dax was drooling and thumper was beating off which is how he got his name as for Ninja I hadn't seen that cunt since the plane a secretive fucker, all dressed in black you know.

Jews are our friends, even if they are stupid enough to circumcise, well at least we opposed Hitler to help them unlike some Fenian cocksucking nations.........woops their goes my Irish blog award to be sure to be sure.

"No my blood hungry warriors you must learn about yer enemy for other reasons." It seems we were brought in to play pretend ragheads to keep the war effort going and for Bush to get funding through Congress.

Isn't Laura Linney lusciously lovely? her chin really turns me on, hubba hubba.

Every now and then when needed I'd put on the old dark makeup and a towel on my head and act suspiciously.

The war in Iraq and Afghanistan isn't as big as you'd think I mean the biggest nations in the world against ragheads on camels? come on do you believe that they would give us that much trouble? half the war is stage effects, sure you get the odd Taliban attack but really most of its inflated or the CIA planting the bombs.

Osama Bin Laden is totally made up, if you were a fan of theatre you may have seen in appear in 'Cats' or maybe as bit parts on East Enders.

Don't piss off the chef at the local Indian restaurant.

President Bush himself is a muppet , no really hes a total muppet, 4 people operate him and one of them called Dick Cheney has his hand up his arse.

Did someone say arse?

Why are you touring Africa Mr Bush? who really gives a fuck about the Africans? and what has it to do with the USA? a saying of the CIA is "if yer cause is suffering blues, get on the telly and make some news."

I stopped playing along when I booked a holiday in Turkey only to find out that Turkey didn't exist, if anyone tells you it does then they are a CIA spook or just brainwashed .If you go on a holiday to Turkey you end up in a simulator drugged out of yer skull for two weeks, sometimes they give you an STD or a bad sun burn for reality sake, well that's what they did to me, I'm sure of it.

Fucking gorilla loving spammers, I know too much.

Ask questions people and don't believe anything you read, well unless its on one of my blogs especially my news blog as that is Frank Fearless Free and incorruptible as my price hasn't been agreed on yet.

To answer the question asked by the convicted crackhead Rodney King "Why can't we all just get along?" well we can, all we have to do is kill all the trouble makers.

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